Why is it so hard?

So I’ve been advertising until my hand cramps for my Entertainment Roleplay right? I remade it to have a fresh start but it’s going on 2.5 years since I made this Roleplay. And the previous version was so popular that it even got featured which was super exciting cuz it was the first time I had a Roleplay get featured on this site. So you’re probably like, well if it was so popular why did you remake it? That’s because I ran into a bit of a problem. I had these wonderful co admins who, because of miscommunication, went behind my back and made a new Ent rp. In doing so they left my Roleplay and took more than half of my Roleplay with them. Now the head admin of that Roleplay and I were able to resolve our misunderstanding, although by then it was too late and the damage had already been done. But we’re still great friends and I love and cherish her with all my heart. Now this doesn’t mean I hate or even dislike my other former co admins. No not at all, in fact I do still love and cherish them and if any of them were to ever want to come back I’d welcome them with open arms despite the fact that they hurt me. I still love and cherish them with all my heart, especially since one of them was my first friend on this site and we had been friends for about 5 years (going on 6) when this happened, which is why her part in that hurt me the most but that’s neither here nor there. My point is that with that situation I felt having a fresh start would be good for everybody so I remade the rp. Unfortunately I lost even more people in the transfer but that was to be expected. But like I said before i’ve been advertising like crazy and yet no one seems to want to join. And it’s been getting me really down tbh. I’ve put so much work into this Roleplay so I honestly can’t just give up on it. But it seriously has me wondering, why don’t people want to join? Is it because of them? Were all those people that said my Roleplay had been a safe haven for them only there because of my co admins who left? I guess so since my former co admin (the one who had been my first friend here) had flat out said that if people liked the rp or even me that they would stay. So then I ask, what have I done so wrong? What is it about me that people seem to dislike so much that they can’t or don’t want to join my Roleplay? Why am I hated so much?

It’s ironic how the same people who helped keep me from wanting to kill myself and kept me smiling and happy, ended up hurting me the most. I even thought about leaving rpr but honestly? I love rping too much to leave here. But as much as I try to urge my remaining rpers to be active it doesn’t seem to work, and my advertising doesn’t seem to work either. I just...I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could press a button and make everything okay again. I wish I could stop the thoughts that run through my head every day ever since that day that I have to fight to quiet them. I wish my roleplay could make people happy again. And I wish they would know how much I love and appreciate them and I’m sorry if I didn’t say it enough when they were my friends. Why is it so damn hard to pick myself up? Why can’t I know how to do this without them? Why can’t I just be normal for once? I’m tired of always feeling this way.

Just the rant of a girl who has been alone with her thoughts for too long