I don't understand

How everything I do seems to irritate people nowadays. Every time I speak I'm ignored, and everything I do and say gets picked apart for whatever reason that usually makes no sense whatsoever. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot, like I don't know what the I'm talking about. I'm usually passive aggressive af but honestly over the last couple of months I'm done with that. I'm either calm or aggressive that's it. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I'm tired of people taking what I say and blowing it out of proportion. Of people thinking I'm being a when I'm not cuz trust me when I'm in mode you'll know.

on another note I recently went back to stepfather's house. Turns out he changed the locks (for no damn reason), and he took the doorknob off of my old room door (because my mother and I left OUR stuff in there and locked the door). Fast forward to last Thursday when we went back again to get some more stuff and he happened to show up. According to my grandmother's aid he's been crying. He told my mother how much he misses her and how much he loves her and how much IN love with her he is. And kept telling me how much he loves me and nothing will ever change that.

well sorry buddy but a lot of things have changed that. You put your hands on my mother, you demanded a divorce after she stuck up for me during an argument you were having with ME when you almost killed me with seafood, you kicked ME out along with my mother (which as much as I love my mother if you really loved me you would've just kicked her out). And then since being in the shelter my mother and I find out that the divorce papers he gave my mother might not have ever been filed. Which means everything he said was bull like usual. So I'm sorry if I don't feel your "love" anymore .

speaking of the shelter, they placed us in a love motel, like literally. I have to have the tv blasting and headphones in my ears playing music and I can STILL hear the sounds of random people ing in the rooms next to me. And it's even louder in the hallway.

we can't save our money cuz we can't cook here so we're eating out every time we want to eat so we're only eating one meal a day IF that. The only plus side to that is that we gotta walk everywhere even just to eat so I've been losing a lot of weight.

I'm just tired guys. Like honestly tired. I contemplated suicide last week for the first time in months. I started cutting again but it's been hard with my mother constantly around since we share the room. And the worst part? We're stuck here at the very least until November but most likely until next year.

All I wanna do is rp in peace, admin duties are hard af to do because I'm stuck on my phone. And I'm constantly being reminded why I hate group chats and why I don't have friends. It's fine in the beginning, but after a while they ALL start acting different with me, like they can't be bothered. Well if you can't be bothered then just go. Trust me I've lost way more friends than I've ever had. I'm fine being by myself. One day maybe I'll meet a friend or two that will stick by me no matter what. But that time isn't now apparently. So honestly if we're friends on here but you don't wanna be bothered then by all means let me know and we can go our separate ways. It won't bother me that way, it only bothers me when you pretend to be my friend and yet act like everything I do is the worst thing in the world. This isn't about anyone in particular but if you feel like this blog is about you then maybe we need to have talk.