sophisticated is perhaps the one word i would use to describe myself. i have heard it so many times from others that i have become utterly convinced that it indeed is my defining element. not that i am opposed, really. i think of it as a play on my name, or perhaps, a nickname that others have given me as a reward of my discipline and diligence.

patience had truly been a virtue growing up, considering my more humble upbringing. my family did not have much to work with (money was very much hard to come by), but we were happy. very happy. perhaps it was because my mom and dad were so supportive of what i wanted to do, despite their high hopes that i would be successful. they didn't ask for much, really. they never hovered, nor pushed me towards a direction in fear that i'd resent them for forcing me into something i disliked. they trusted me, which—as upsetting as it is to admit—many of us cannot relate with. in turn, i had dedicated most of my youth (or what's little of it) to making them proud, making them realize that they raised a successful girl. that their teachings are not put in vain, and instead translated into something greater, something bigger. 

so i worked. hard as i could, really, with the little i had. paid for my own college, earned a master's in business and fashion design.

YVES SAINT LAURENT WAS A DREAM FAR TOO DISTANT; A MOON CIRCULATING JUPITER. I HAD BEEN DETERMINED TO REACH HALFWAY, AT LEAST CLIMB A PORTION OF THE LADDER THAT WOULD LEAD ME TO SUCH SUCCESS. I THINK I HAD BEEN ABLE TO REACH MARS BY THE TIME MR. VACCARELLO HIMSELF APPROACHED ME. IT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT SEEMED FAR TOO LUCKY TO BE REALITY. AND YET there i was, SEATED UPON AN EMPIRE THAT HAD BEEN UPRIGHT FOR DECADES.

but it didn't feel right. instagram had been the boost i needed to reach a following. it really is the only reason why he reached out to me. so to say that the opportunity had fallen into my lap is quite accurate. i'm not going to lie, it felt good. it felt really good to be up there with the big names—to be part of the big name. but i didn't feel accomplished. my name had been on magazines, dubbed "young designer crowned new creative director of saint laurent". it felt good, but only for a little bit. now, you may ask: "why? why would you feel ty for becoming a creative director for a top brand?" it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? to throw away such an amazing opportunity as quickly as i did. 

i think it was not only the creative differences mr. vaccarello and i had, but also my vision for a brand. though we highly agree on luxurious and fashion-forward clothing, i did not quite agree with the prices.
[to be continued...]

 

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