Lee Jieun was born into a beautiful family, bred to strive for the best yet to never be the best. For being the best came with a reputation that hindered her family of being more than just an average loving home. 

Growing up, her mother had always embedded that she could do all that she could if she wanted to, however to always make sure to come home at the end of the day because the sky sits very low where they lay. With this fed to her daily since she’s been breathing, Jieun was always stuck between a reality and a fantasy. She was a dreamer yet a realist and knew that she could only go as far as her limits allowed. 

Though her abilities had boundaries, her mind didn’t and she used that to her advantage. Jieun thought of anything and everything, thought of things as little as how a blade of grass can be sharp enough to slit human skin and thought of things as big as how a baby grows up deciphering a language and what each word means. 

She had always had big dreams yet knew that the path to get to them were not to jump immediately, but walk. Despite popular beliefs of an asian family, her family understood that stress and education was not everything. Rather, being mentally healthy and physically as well was a top priority her family worshipped. 

Unfortunately, no matter how hard she would strive for the latter as well, Lee Jieun was born with a heart problem, the doctors call it a heart murmur. 

Though it’s remained dormant while growing up, it suddenly became life threatening once she reached 25. Causing her to become bitter at the world. God knows just how the universe loves to play its cards. 

And God was who she could no longer trust. Growing up Christian, her people preached about how those who followed Christ would only live a successful life. If that was the case. If it were true that he heard every prayer. If he looked over all of his children. Then why did it feel like Jieun was anything but blessed? 

Every night, she’d pray. She never forgot to thank her father above for letting her live another day. She prayed before she ate, for she was thankful she had food on her plate. She prayed before her journeys as far as leaving Korea for the states and as near as the convenience store down the block, because she believed that he would always watch for her safety. And she’d even pray when she’s happy because she had always believed that it was his doing that caused her good fortune. She did everything right. Then why the is her own God going to watch her die like this?

He was no longer true to her. Instead, she had tied herself down to a figure that never even existed. Thinking back, she can’t believe she spent her whole life believing in such unexplainable fantasy. She can’t believe she actually thought there was someone up there. And someone who was the cause to all her ups and downs. Oh, how gullible she was just because her parents believed in it.

It was like the universe laid her on a table, bare and vulnerable and decided to strip her of all values and morals, her hard work and strength. 

Jieun became angry at the world, for she didn’t see that she ever did anything wrong to deserve what she received. She had always moved at life steadily, occasionally ran, but always made sure to stop and smell the roses. 

After receiving the devastating news, she never really felt like the same person again nor did she act like it as well. Normally, people fall into a pit of crazy hormones and raging anger in their teen years. Jieun didn’t fall into that until her mid twenties, starting arguments with her loving parents and going out all night, sometimes not even returning until a week later. Embarrassing for her to admit, no matter how independent she thought she was, she had nowhere to go but to come back home. And she wasn’t even wanted there anymore as well. 

She would use the excuse that she didn’t need to listen to anyone because she was old enough, however she felt anything but old. Life was at hands reach for her now. If she was going to die, she might as well enjoy the time she had left like she was a child again with no expectations.

Eventually, finding herself in front of a blurry background, drugs only an arms reach away, theft always at the back of her mind, and ual affairs every night. Jieun was just waiting for the day her heart would take her, however that wasn’t the case. 

She started dating, but you could barely call it dating. She met her boyfriend in an alleyway when she was buying drugs off of him. With the money she never made, rather stole from her friend whom she promised she would pay back but never did, when she made that transaction, she also unintentionally made another transaction she didn’t even know of. She used her boyfriend for free drugs, and he used her for , whether it was with him or not.

If you love someone, you’d do anything for them. And that was exactly what Jieun did. The man had her wrapped around his little finger. He knew she was over her own head with drugs and her love for him, and used that to his advantage. Every night, he’d convince her to sleep with his “friends” in order to get some money from it. He’d whisper sweet nothings into her ear, and say that if she slept with his friends, it’d help him save money for their future together. 

Even though Jieun swore she’d never be like the old her, she was still just as gullible and naive as her old self was. She was ed to oblivion, both mentally and physically. Some nights, she didn’t even know her own name. 

Being careless came with consequences and one of them was falling pregnant. Motherhood was something Jieun knew she always wanted, whether it was sooner or later. She saw the baby as the only blessing in her now ed life but her boyfriend thought otherwise. Instead, he saw her pregnancy as a setback because he was no longer able to gain money from her. She had refused sleeping with other men to focus on nurturing their child (she wasn’t even sure if it was his), believing that the future her boyfriend had spent so much time saving for was finally going to come. 

He had other plans. She was useless to him now and he wasn’t ready to be tied down by a being that probably wasn’t even his. As fast as he got her, he will get rid of her.

One night, Jieun was laying down on a couch in her boyfriend’s cheap apartment. She rarely got any proper rest these days. Barely even reaching 4 months of her pregnancy, she felt fat and insecure. She noticed the attention her boyfriend use to give her was decreasing and his loving words were soon turning sour. She also noticed how some nights he would stumble in with a different perfume clinging onto his clothes. But that night, she noticed that he didn’t walk into their home alone. No, he was with a woman. One who stuck to his hip like his pregnant girlfriend wasn’t at home waiting for him. And following suit, four of his friends whose hands were filled with alcohol dripping from their five digits. Their faces looked nothing but friendly.

They were merciless in their pursuit for her. Prying at her legs, ripping at her clothes, and entering her without consent. And though she screamed in agony and pain for her boyfriend to help her, he only ignored her from the sidelines. He was busy ing his new girl. 

Overwhelmed with such pain and distress, Jieun fell into shock. She knew she couldn’t do anything against the four men. All she could do was watch as they forced theirselves onto her. All she could do was let them flip her over and use her, press her against the couch and her. And as she only watched, she also saw the way blood trickled down between her legs, but they didn’t care. Slowly, Jieun could feel that her baby was no longer there. And even though she was only in the first stages of her pregnancy, something told her that she had lost it already before she could even feel it. 

The pain felt like forever. They took their turns with her like she was a toy. And just when she thought it was done, she felt another pain coming from her lower back. It was a different kind of pain though, however it mimicked just how she felt that whole night. Like she was being torn. She didn’t even see that one of them left to the kitchen to fetch a knife and was now jabbing it into her skin. 

Jieun lost blood fast, she barely even had the energy to react to the silver knife piercing into her milky surface all the while they had another round with her. Like a couple would do to a tree to prove their love for each other, the men were carving their names into her. Marking her as theirs.

The last thing she saw was the way her boyfriend looked. When her head lolled to the side, about to lose hold of her life, he had the audacity to only smirk. And even though she thought that the God she believed in was nothing but a phony, old habits die hard. In her last moments, she

prayed. She prayed that in the afterlife or the next life, she’d find someone who cared.

 

cynical, always has something to say, not very trusting of men considering her life alive, gives up easily, rather cocky, is confused of what she believes in, easily persuaded, doesn't like to beat around the bush, doesn't like to be wrong, competitive, bulls her way through a situation when she catches herself stuck in a pickle, doesn't do well with emotions, is more of a flight kind of girl, doesn't walk what she talks, impatient, and can easily leave people behind.

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