since I was born I knew something was wrong with me. my hair changed colours with the moods I had. whenever i tried to talk to kids my age at the typical normal playground they ignored me telling me to stay away. i even remember that one school trip at the musem when i looked too close at the statue of a soldier from 1912 and smiling at him because he had so many orders on his chest and then suddenly he started moving. my first reaction was what the hell is going on?! at the end of the day my parents picked me up from the said trip and explained everything at home; and then I knew. magic. it sounded so weird coming out from the mouth when you didnt know anything about it. my mother a pureblood witch married a muggle born making a halfblood me. i was mad at my mother when she tried to keep it a secret about her identity, she told me she wanted the best for me and the wizarding world is dangerous. i was even more mad when i found out that my father also knew everything about it and they hid it from me, everything magical because they thought its the best but maybe it was the best for them and not for me?

i was so disappointed with my own parents, my own blood that I turn my back against them because i thought we were loyal to each other, trusted each other but from the start they knew and they didnt even mentioned it to me, about my real self, to where i belong.

my mother insisted to put me in durmstrang because apparently for her was the best wizarding school of all times. i lasted in there for only few month before i send my owl to my father to move me into hogwarts. according to my studies at that time hogwart seemed like a perfect fit for me and finally fate was on my side this time.

moving from durmstrang at 1st year to hogwarts was quick, i didnt even noticed it in all honesty. slytherin house welcomed me very warmly; my mother was very happy about my selection. living at durmstrang was very different from living at hogwarts. at hogwarts you could do anything freely while at durmstrang you could do that also but you needed a special permission from the headmaster, they strictly obeyed every rule and I felt like i didnt fit in there in the first place. all thanks to my pureblood mother who thought durmstrang was the best place for me!

at some point my father started to agree with me that maybe hogwarts should be the first option but we kept this only to ourselves to not make my mother more mad about this whole situation. she was so glad that i was in slytherin like her whole life depended on it. and then i found out.

her whole family was in slytherin but no one was in durmstrang so i asked what was even the reason for me to be in there? and she answered, calmly, like it was just a hang out with her old friends - you should be different.

it was her last words directed to me when i decided to not contact her ever again, only sending some owls messages to my muggle father about my events at hogwarts. i never wanted to speak to her again, i never wanted to see her again, something broke inside of me when she said those words to me and like a mantra it still lingers inside of my head but now? now i have books.

i have my mind being occupied by something, something that i can alway come back to. whenever i want and with what time i need. learning different types of spells, just proving myself that i can do more than just be a shadow of my mother selfishness. its truly amazing; magic.

after my second year i aw my gradma dying on the bed while i was lying next to her. that was the first time i saw someone dying; i saw death helping her get up and raise to join them in the adventure of what only they both knew. i didnt cried, it was no reason, it was a happy thought, she was old enough to welcome death like a true friend and i was glad for her because at once someone in our family found piece. at one time i was even jealous of her, because i wanted deep down for death to do the exact thing to me yet they didnt and I still breathe, breathe that thin air that suffocates me everytime i try to hold on, to what?

there was a reason why my mother wanted me so badly into slytherin. as what she claimed her far cousin was a death eater and having an only child she wanted me into slytherin so badly because she was afraid that when the-one-who-shall-not-be-named will raise again and make the same murders like he did long time ago. crazy mother she was, yes. to this time she thinks in our blood runs evil dark magic. people called her smart.. from which source? I have no idea. and i rather not find out.

as a sixth year hogwart student i aim to catch whatever knowledge i can just to prove my mother that even slytherin can have light in their heart because there is something to always fight for.