@Woo Jiho ♡ ( i swear literally to A L L of the gods, i posted this just now... it seems it didn't work? )
'Has it really only been three short weeks since that fateful encounter?' The fleeting memories of satin skin covered in beaded sweat, recollections of soft mewls and gasps, the sinful sensations anew in his anamnesis, they all wrenched his mind into nostalgia and his monologue was fueled, was more inspired. 'Three weeks of sailing... should we not be settled into our new dwellings?' It was true, the journey should only have spanned three weeks at most, now drawing to a fifth week; the unfortunate turn of tides and most unfavorable and ruthless weather made the voyage extend- not only by length, but also distance.
'And yet Jiho has not requested to return home, has not questioned the duration of this expedition I embarked on without his consent. He has been simply loving and patient... do I really deserve him?' He stared ahead into nothingness, into everything and its vastness, and wondered. His thoughts eventually would circle the horizon and escape him, but whilst he supported himself against the thick and unmovable mast with no distraction other than the faint glimmering gems dotting the violet canvas that progressed into a stunning scarlet at the edge of day, he would ponder the same questions. Until he was moved by hunger, cold or gravity to rest, he would stand sentinel in the Crow's Nest.
'When we reach this new land, what is in store for my crew? We're here for... for what?' Though months-- years of consideration and thorough planning went into this adventure, Kris felt doubts --completely foolish, unfounded doubts that were simply his weary mind delving into his depression, but doubts nevertheless. He couldn't stop the progressively more antagonistic sayings, feeling more truth from them as time passed, and a small voice somewhere in the back of his head whispered on repeat, 'this was a suicide mission, you've made a mistake.' After nearly two decades of experience and dauntlessness, Kris suspected his career was already nearing an end.
'All because I'm too insecure. I shouldn't have dragged my crew over this ocean...' And there he left this train of thought, eating him alive, fed by nonsensical self-blame and anxiety. He pressed his steepled fingers against his lips and proceeded to stare into space, unaware the sun had risen and was hovering nonchalantly halfway between the peak of the skies. He might have contemplated his errors for another few candlemarks, had he not been startled out of his stupor by a pair of arms encircling his waist from behind. He jolted and stiffened, but the sight of the purest skin and softest hands clasped over his diaphragm softened him as he carefully turned around to face his lover.
"Bright the day," he said tentatively as he pressed a much-needed kiss to Jiho's hair. "How did you sleep, my sweet?" He looked over the edge of the crow's nest and hummed. "I thought you wouldn't come up here?" Cold dread clutched his spine and he would have hurled himself over the edge a few hours earlier if he had felt that same sensation, but now he stoically leaned into Jiho's touch. 'He ascended because you're a selfish fool who scared him by waltzing out of the room without explanation in the midst of his slumber. Idiot, he could have fallen from fear.' He felt remorse, mostly, but also couldn't bear to let go of the hatred for himself. "Come," he said suddenly. "Let us get you safely down." His destructive tendencies could wait.
