sleeping loft 。

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 Completely understood. I'll take anything that doesn't include us hating each other.
/this is the honest truth for him, he realizes, and he'd even be happy if no touching at all was allowed as long as he didn't have the prominent regret, always there rather than just barely./
Don't mind if I'm soft for a while, either. That can't be helped

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 You're getting ahead of yourself mister, think about that later, not now
/he wasn't sure how to feel about this whole situation. this couldn't hurt but in the back of his mind, he had that doubt that just couldn't go away.
you can just kiss my cheek but that's it for now, okay?

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 Noted. And is it too bold to ask about the lips?
/yanjun's bluntness has hurt him in the past but he thinks to himself that maybe this can't hurt. he feels better about everything now that his intentions are much more pure which only makes him feel stupid. obviously this is better, but his worries always seem to get the best of him when they shouldn't and are nowhere to be found when they should be/

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 I don't know you tell me, I just don't like the sound of a smooch, a peck is more friendlier you know?
/this is the yaniun he knew. playful, teasing, it was much more natural than how he was acting a few moments ago. this made him feel more at ease since he didn't have to deal with the lingering feelings and can just see him as a good friend/

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /he pauses, wetting his lips and leaning forward to place his head in one palm, eyes still focused on xukun, his softened heart changing back as his voice becomes more teasing again, this time in a much more friendly way/
What defines the difference between those two, exactly?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 ...I don't mind
/he shakes his head gently before poking his left cheek. he stared at the older boy for a moment longer and his gaze lowered to his lips. he was losing track and he didn't want that./
no smooching just a peck okay?

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 Let me rephrase. You can try to. No promises.
/a guilty smile washes over his face and he moves his hand with xukun's, bouncing their hands against the other's thigh a few times. another thought takes shape and he adjusts himself to sit cross-legged, lifting his head and looking at the younger/
You don't mind me kissing your cheek, right?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /he merely looks down at the older and presses a soft long kiss on top of the other's head. this felt normal, no more fighting or arguing. even though his feelings for there were still in his mind, they were eventually going to fade. if he could keep him as a close friend, the rest didn't matter to him.
stop apologizing, there's no need for it. we should be good now so there's no reason for it okay? no more apologizing.

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 [ ] uwu

That makes me happy, good.
/with no time to talk himself out of it, he lifts his head again and quickly pecks the other's cheek, squeezing his hand. despite a little worry of backlash, he's glad to be able to do that with no intention to mess with the other or affect his feelings but simply because of an urge/
You're going to still have to stop me from apologizing every chance I get.

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 [] you're welcome bb UWU

/xukun wasn't really expecting the following words from the older boy at all. he was expecting some other type of outcome but he was glad it was this instead.
yeah...i think it's better that way honestly. there's no reason to mope around with these problems that won't matter in later years. we can start over, i don't mind, yanjun. i think it's for the best.

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 [ ] going ooc because this is important YOU HAD TO JUST GO AND MAJE ME SOFT HUH

/yanjun uses one hand to direct xukun's, lacing his fingers through the other's again and inhaling deeply./
I'm...
/he takes a second, struggling to bring his thoughts into words/
Let's start over, okay? The old things won't just go away so let's push them as far into the past as we can. Is that ok?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /he makes brief eye contact with the older boy as he lifts up his head before letting out a soft chuckle.
i won't tell don't worry, there's nothing to hide about that. i like pink so there's no shame in it. i also used to do the same! liking green just to be edgy, those were good times..
/he places his hands down on his lap, glancing over at the other's hands before laying his hand on top of his.

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /as the atmosphere seems to lighten up again, yanjun carefully moves himself back and sits down right next to xukun, cautiously leaning over and laying his head on the other's shoulder/
that question always makes me think about when I was younger ...green used to be my favourite colour because I thought it made me edgy and cool to like the color everyone hates. I think I like black...and really light purple. But don't tell
/he looks up for a second and jokingly puts a finger over his lips with a wink before his head goes down again/

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /a small smile creeps on his lips as he gets yanjun to smile at least a little bit/
My favorite color is red and black, what about yours? There's really no point in talking about the...other stuff, right?
/he liked these light hearted conversations way better. the younger boy hated dealing with situations that only led to anger and resentment on both parts so this switch up was definitely helping me feel a little more relieved.

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /he clears his throat behind a fist, regaining himself/
Of course. Which is why I can't understand why you—
/yanjun quickly catches himself, not wanting to bring the topic back quite yet. suddenly he thinks of something, smiling enough for his dimples to appear slightly, a genuine smile in front of the other junior for the first time in a while/
If we're doing this, kunkun... What's your favourite colour, hm?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 I'm just asking, no particular reason...
/he shakes his head, looking up to watch the older boy's expression./
Have you never been asked that before or something, you seemed shocked
/he cant lie that he found it a bit amusing to see yanjun so shocked about something before. he always had a neutral expression around him.
I think it's bull also but I guess personality is really important to me, not so much looks...

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /yanjun doesn't even try to hide how his gaze hardens a little seeing the other wipe his tears away, no out of anger but concern and maybe a little frustration with himself. the next sentence to come out of xukun's mouth leaves him a little shocked, at a loss for words for a few seconds/
An ideal type? No.. I always kind of thought that was bull. If I like someone or something, then I do. Being attractive to me helps, of course, but... Why?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /he gives the older boy a confused gaze, not thinking his joke was funny at all./
Yeah...I guess so...
/he wipes the remaining tears that were left on his face/
Yan, do you have an ideal type?
/xukun wasn't sure was he was going to get out of him but it was best that they pushed the present conversation to the side. he wanted to talk to him about other things, not just overwhelming drama like the one that was unfolding at the moment./

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 Well...whatever you do, you can find comfort in knowing that I've screwed up worse.
/he emits a nervous laugh at a joke that not only had no place but does nothing for himself or the situation but suddenly realizes that some good could come from it/
Kun... actually...that isn't a bad idea. Honestly,, instead of it just making you feel better about ourselves, knowing we've both done things we regret can help us. Evens it out, right?
/he leans against the wall, hands in his pockets and firm gaze still on the younger/

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 The thing is Yanjun, I can't just say them...I don't have the guts to do it. If I admit to something that I'm going to regret later I won't be able to live with myself. I just feel like a pathetic liar now.
/he heaves a sigh as he moves away from the wall and sits back down on the bottom bed. in his head he thought 'no more lies, you should come clean with this and be honest with yourself.' but the other side of his mind thought 'if you say even anything about this situation, you'll lose them both.'

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /he doesn't want to force xukun to look at him again, put the other boy through any more than he already has, but there's a lingering feeling of worry that he feels can only be confirmed or denied by seeing his face/
Me? Everything in the world? Far from that, xukun. Even if I did before, I lost that... But the way you say things doesn't matter, get them out if you need to.

@ΝΓΤ ² sehun。 Wearing nothing but pair of grey boxers and laying down lazily on his bed, to say Jamie was bored at the moment would be an understatement. He didn't have any home works or projects to work on yet and seems most of the nu gammas either busy or napping. Thus, here he was playing in his phone, not finding anything interesting to watch or do but to play games when a knock on his door interrupted him. Raising a brow, looking over at the empty bed of his roommate, wondering who would be coming and knocking on the door. He locked his phone, leaving it on the bed and got up to attend to the door.

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /he lets his hand drop slowly, glancing down at the floor, anywhere but the older boy at the moment. he almost regrets immediately having said that but he didn't want to deny it either. if he kept on denying, he would've lost him for good.
Why don't you deserve it? You deserve everything in this world. It's just that now I feel and I'm not sure how I'm going to say it...

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /xukun's words only make his chest hurt more. he almost feels physical pain upon discovering that others have done the same./
I definitely don't deserve the feelings you have for me...
At least you're catching it faster than me if you are.... You're not stupid, shh.
/at the sight of the younger's action, he immediately stands, quickly making his way to xukun and placing a hand on his wrist, trying his best and coaxing him to calm down/

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /he crosses his arms, heaving a heavy sigh. he finally has the courage to look at the older boy but only because the latter can hardly see his expressions.
Everything's valid here so don't fell like holding anything back from me. You've scarred but that's just something that has happened many times...nothing I'm not used to. He sweets but I just feel like I'm leading him on and Im just god so ing stupid!
/he slams his fist on the wall but not hard enough to make an indentation/

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /curious eyes follow your every movement and yanjun holds himself back because otherwise he'd probably stand up and go to the other/
Well it's definitely happened but that isn't the point. And I'm sorry. Again. I wish it could be undone but... I'm just worried that I've scarred you or something
Is it not important? It seems important to me... But what?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /his knee continued to bounce at a fast pace so he quickly gets up instead, and begins to pace around around the small room. he stops as soon as he reaches a dark corner, he didn't want his shame and guilt to be exposed to yanjun at this point.
You really don't know that unless you try or it's happened to you before...I tried to tell you but I didn't want my feelings to be hurt but they ended getting hurt anyways so there's that. I-I actually still do but that's not important now. About Wooseok, well he's a sweet guy and I like him too but ...

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 /he placed a hand on the other's thigh, carefully stopping the constant movement. he couldn't help but feel like he messed up the second he had kissed the other, like he was setting up himself and, even more so, xukun/
I don't even know if it's that... I think I'm afraid of being let down? Or, more so, being the only one with interest and ending up left behind.
Oh-- you do? Or you did... I don't want to put anything on you but... I think things may have gone a little different if I had been told. But I understand. I'm just wondering.. what about wooseok?

@ΝΓΤ ³ yanjun。 /the following words that came out of his mouth was the last straw. he was broken, heart broken but it wasn't supposed to hurt as much, xukun thought. feeling awkward of being let go suddenly, he places his hands on his lap, as his knee began to bounce again.
I see...you don't want to be committed with anyone and that's totally okay, I get it. However, I was a victim of that and it actually-it actually h-hurts because I had a crush on you but I guess that doesn't anymore either. It was my fault for not saying it sooner, I was afraid of telling you in the first place for the reason of being rejected...

@ΝΓΤ ³ xukun。 If you promise...
/he felt especially weird saying this suddenly. it was something he'd talked about jokingly but never really come to terms with. releasing the other boy's hand and shoulder, he clasped his hands in his own lap, suddenly very focused on them/
I think... No, I know I have a fear of attachment. In general. I flirt around and do things with everyone because then that can just be who I am and that way I don't have to worry about it. And I guess I'm trying to protect myself and forget about everyone else.