@ΔΧΛ ³ seungcheol [Text Message: Unknown]
Hyung, it's Jihoon.
Do you want to help me with a task for initiation? I'm at the bar if you want to meet up.
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon i didn't say that...
/mumbling quietly, i shake my head a little and keep my gaze turned away, knowing what i had seen that night but with years of telling myself one thing, it's so hard to just agree with you
/when you tell me you're sorry, i shake my head once more, lifting my hand from under the table as if i hadnt been rubbing the spot, knowing that likely you've had it worse
i guess i deserved it.
you eat, too.
/moving on from the subject as soon as i can, as if nonchalant over the fact that the little symbol is now forever etched on my skin as a reminder, i lift my fork to begin eating
/my bites are smile, unmotivated, all sense of hunger lost just from talking about it for what seems like the first time in a long while, but i don't dare stop eating when i know you'll likely scold me if i do
/glancing up at you, i don't say a word when i finish eating, instead rising with you and heading toward the front to pay the bill with a feigned smile that i've learned so well, and once we're outside i breathe in the fresh air
i'll walk you back, if you want.
/my voice is small, the first time i've spoken since before eating, and my teeth very nearly chatter while i shiver and tuck my hands into my sweater pockets, blinking wide eyes up at you while i begin to head off back where we came
jeez, it's so chilly tonight...
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /tilts my head back to look up at the ceiling in exasperation when you still begin to interject now and then, rubbing at my head slightly as i've been over the night time and time again, sometimes by choice, others... not so much
even now you want to argue with me that that's not what happened
/turns my gaze back down, settling it on you as you mention what they branded you with and where, nodding my head after another moment
makes sense
...i'm sorry they did that to you
/but i'm not sorry for the things i said and i'll stand by the truth too, even if it means there's a rift between us because of it, i can't betray him like that, not again
eat. you need it
/nods to your food as i lean my elbows on the table again, rubbing my face with my palms before i bow my head into my hands and just stay there
/lifting my face a little i brush my fingers over my lips in an almost distraught kind of way, my eyes hooded as i look down at the table and my untouched food
/part of me seems so far away, my eyes in particular, lost and gone, back to that night where perhaps even you can't retrieve me from
/subconsciously my one hand reaches over my shoulder to my back, creeping towards my own brand though i say nothing about it
/in fact i keep quiet for the rest of the meal, only picking at my food here and there so you don't feel quite so out of place with your own
/when it seems you're done i look at you ever so briefly, motioning for us to get going, still mulling over your offer of staying the night especially with the turn things have taken
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon /the waiter comes back to ask if everything's alright, and i have to pull myself out of my trance to smile to him and say that it is, that i'm just waiting for you before i eat, and i wave him off
/even so, i wonder if we will eat, if the food was a waste and if this entire night out was even worth it, knowing i had upset you in some way, if not by my words than with the memories they bring up
/when you come back, i don't dare speak up, not wanting to upset you further if you don't even want to speak to me now, trying to tell myself that four years of friendship can't go down the drain over one argument
but i don't--
/cut off as you continue speaking, i nibble lightly on my lip, glancing over to you as you speak without interrupting this time, honestly trying my best not to upset you any further
the tree... taekwoon...
/though i want to argue with you, the idea i've held onto for the past for years, that this was all a nightmare or mistake or whatever it was, keeps me from saying anything, knowing you don't agree and despite not seeing how truly wrong i am
/for a moment, i stay silent when you ask me about my brand, glancing away from you and looking back out the window i had been looking at in a trance before, swallowing thickly
a mouth. lips sewn shut.
on my thigh.
/as i speak of it, the damned thing burns, and i curl one hand into a small, loose fist while the other brushes along my clothed thigh, the one part of me i've kept hidden from everyone for so long, not having even shown you of all people
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /staring at myself in the mirror the hatred i feel is only interrupted when someone knocks on the door wanting to use the bathroom as well
yeah, give me a minute
/calls back before i'm wiping my face free of tears, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror once more and just about managing to stop myself from recoiling
/your words ring in my mind, 'you're very good at acting', telling myself i need to be just that now more than ever and if i'm going to get through this final year i have to continue to do just that
/but i can't, i know i'm lying to myself, i'm lying to you too if i keep this up, my expression schooled but not for long as i exit the bathroom
/returning to the table there's an edge of darkness in my eyes now, one that has me sitting even stiffer in my stool opposite you
/moments pass before i finally speak, the food left untouched in front of me as that alcohol from earlier which was so warm now only makes me feel somewhat nauseous
hakyeon listen to me very carefully
that was not an accident. none of it was an accident
/flicks my gaze up to meet your own, my eyes narrowing once more before i try to soften them, though the gesture just looks pained
my lover- my boyfriend, he died that night because someone had a bad trip on some pill.we were supposed to pledge, a small brand, the sign of our frat, say some words, go home, the end
it wasn't an accident that he got his ing face bashed in with a piping hot branding iron and then we were threatened to keep our mouths shut
/there's more hatred for myself than anyone else, in fact i don't hate you at all, your ignorance perhaps, but me, nothing
four years on and here we are. here i am, pretending like nothing happened. like he isn't six feet under that damn tree. like i don't have nightmares and wake myself up screaming
we're just friends going out for some dinner and drinks, nothing dubious about us. nothing at all is wrong with this picture
/scoffs into the rim of my drink, finishing it in one more mouthful, the sweetness making it all the more palatable before i'm nudging my plate of food away from me, not looking at you as i speak
...what did they brand you with in the end?
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon you're very good at acting, that's all.
you always have been.
/mumbling the compliments, i try not to think of how i had been thrilled to know we were going to be spending more time together again this musical, the joy that had made me all the more eager to go to rehearsals
/your words cause me to flinch a little, the impact more harsh than usual and i cant seem to place why im so affected by your tone, unused to this much venom in every single word that comes from your mouth
i just... i just meant, that night... it was an accident.
it hasn't happened since...
/while i speak, i draw one hand from my cup, dipping it under the table to rub my thigh as if to soothe it, and only then does it dawn on me that likely, even if it had happened again, we may have just never heard of it
/the words you spit at me, calling what had happened murder, has me sitting back in my seat and trying to fight the sudden shakiness in the moment, and before i can really say anything you're up and leaving
taekwoon--
/you're gone from sight before i can even finish saying your name, and i let my head hang for a moment while i sit there, knowing i can't leave our food just sitting on the table so i can't go check on you
/instead, i just sit in silence, looking out the window and not bothering to eat my food, not when i'm fighting off torments of the past and worrying about you, more than anything
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon the lady doth protest to much, methinks
/quotes the line as i do pick up my second drink, taking out the umbrella and placing it in your own even if it is just tea, before i take a deep drink of it
you know i was only joking but all this argument from you makes me think perhaps i was in the right area all along
/trails off once more, the expanse of my back beginning to burn much like the brand on your own thigh, flaring like my temper when you call it an accident
well he can join another frat, can't he?
one where "accidents" like that don't just happen
/snaps as i'm practically hissing at you at this point, eyes close to slits and filled with a kind of darkness that not even the brief interruption of the food arriving can't stop
you really think what happened was an accident?
/leans across the table now, my voice barely above a whisper just as your own was but mine laced with unforgettable venom now, years worth of it
it was murder!
do you understand? murder, hakyeon. and the two of us were silenced. we're still silent even though they're gone now
/there's hot, angry tears in my eyes as i speak, angrily spewing a few other things before i excuse myself, slipping into the bathroom where i brace my hands against the sink
/a noise of pained guilt bubbles up from my throat, my knuckles bleeding white with how tight i hold on, head bowing as those tears i held back now go streaming down my face, flashes of that night appearing behind my eyelids as vividly as they were the first night
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon no, no, i didn't-- i didn't mean it like that.
i -- i'm not obsessed! you're the lead, everyone loves watching you up there. i'm just... not obsessed.
/my hands come up and i begin fanning at my cheeks, trying not to give off the fact that im blushing at this point, very nearly side eyeing you while you tease me
/shrugging a little, i take a deep breath and take a sip of my tea, looking over the rim of the glass while your cocktail is placed on the table, but the second you start talking i set my cup down
/my eyes go a little wide when your tone changes, even your gaze growing more fierce, and i sit back slightly, suddenly feeling much smaller across from you while my thigh burns slightly
i didn't forget, but--
it's just... that stuff doesn't happen all the time, you know? it was an accident...
/my voice trails off while i slide my gaze from you, instead looking down into my tea while i try not to think of that night, swallowing thickly while my fingers curl tightly around my cup, at this point my voice just barely above a whisper
everyone joins frats, that's all.
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon "just" the lead? that's a little harsh isn't it?
and my point still stands. you're not my understudy so there's no reason for you to know all my lines other than you want to
admit it. you're another obsessed fan
/teases you almost mercilessly though i don't mean it in a harsh way, you know that just from the tone in my voice, especially as i'm trying to fight a laugh
/i hesitate saying yes when you offer staying over, knowing that neither of us have the most restful sleep at times, figuring i'll decide later
are you serious right now?
/asks as my second cocktail arrives, leaving it on the table before i sigh under my breath and tighten my arms over my chest a little more
why wouldn't i want someone to join our frat? because its the most disgusting, horrible little-
/stops myself for now, narrowing my eyes at you before i angrily turn my head away, reminding myself to breathe and not take this out on you as its not your fault
just one year left
one year and then i can leave it all behind
/leans my head into my hands as i prop my elbow on the edge of the table, rubbing the side of my head before i scrunch up my nose, unable to get past what you said just now
...why would you say that?
did you forget what happened the night we joined this stupid frat?
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon i... you weren't supposed to know that.
you're just the lead, anyway, what's it matter? everyone knows your parts.
/glancing away from you, there could almost be a hint of a blush on my cheeks if one were paying close enough attention, general embarrassment from having been caught
/when you flag down the waiter, i wait for you to order before i do so myself, getting my usual as well as a type of tea to drink, wanting the warmth from that rather than of alcohol when i know i'll likely have to take care of you
d'you want me to stay, tonight? maybe it'll help you sleep...
/murmuring the last part once the waiter leaves, i blink a few times when you mention someone else in the frat, and i tilt my head slightly in thought while i listen
why would you tell him not to join our frat?
everyone's gotta join one at some point...
/shrugging lightly, i take the drink offered by the waiter, neither of us surprised when you down the drink in one go, but once he leaves i look up at you once again
/tucking my legs up on my seat, a little more perched than i am sitting, i sigh softly when you mention leaving, glancing down toward my thigh before i take a sip of my tea
well... it can't be too much longer, right? we're seniors now.
it's just right around the corner.
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon you know your routine and my own off by heart
/smiles at least as i let you know i did notice you whispering my lines as well, setting the menu aside and brushing my hands off on one of the napkins on the table
/flags down one of the waiters a moment later, showing what i'm getting by relaying my own order to the waiter, letting you ask for your own before i lean back
maybe i can actually sleep longer than a few hours
/mumbles under my breath as the waiter leaves us, running my hand over my face before i stretch my legs out slightly, rolling my head back as i seem generally tense
some new kid ended up bumbling into our frat the other night
he'd never seen anyone high so he seemed to think i was drunk. nice enough kid, made me waffles since he didn't want me trying to make it on my own
/laughs softly at the memory before i'm seemingly losing all humour and my smile drops, my arms folded over my chest as i bitingly speak again
i warned him not to join our frat
i'm sick of new years joining and making the mistake of joining our one
/stops as our drinks arrive, not looking up from the holes i'm glaring into the table, reaching my hand out to stop the waiter, pulling the umbrella out the cocktail i ordered and downing it, giving him the empty glass and asking for another
/as he leaves looking less than surprised since we've been here more than once, i enjoy the warmth of the alcohol settling in my stomach before finally speaking again
...i can't wait to leave
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon no, i had no idea i was a dance major.
but i know, i get it. i just... forget sometimes, that's all.
/shrugging a little, i roll my eyes a little at your words, finding it almost endearing that you're worrying over something like this, but i tell myself not to think too much on it and instead follow after you
/with a little skip in my step, i walk alongside you, not daring to hook my arm on yours when it was clear that you weren't in the best of moods, especially when you mention the bar
/my hands are tucked into my pockets while we walk, fighting off the chilly autumn air while you seem to be content with it, but i find it kind of expected, almost poetic
good. i mean, that you're already finished and all that. not so many worries.
/once we're in the bar, i'm thankful for the warmth provided, lifting my hands to breathe warm air onto them before rubbing them together, only to grab the menu to begin flipping through
i am, actually. i mean, i'm supposed to do some practicing, but i think we both know i already know the routine by heart.
/flicking my gaze up to you when you mention drinking, i almost want to ask you what's on your mind, but i decide against it and instead just nod a little, nibbling on my lip while i look back to the menu
get what you want, then.
i think im just gonna end up getting my usual...
/trailing off, i find myself looking back up to you, offering you a smile when i hope that it would help, at least as best as it can
what about you?
@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /glances at your hands as you speak, trying to see if your finger has stopped bleeding since you pricked it a little bit earlier, figuring it's fine as you fuss over your clothing
Of course you didn't eat... you do realise you're a dance major right? Isn't making sure your body is full of energy and ready to go before you abuse it with your vigorous routines like, law for you?
/asks as I nod my head for you to follow me, walking towards the exit and bowing my head to those who call out my name and thank me for today, not saying anything but certainly quickening my step
The bar will have to do. I don't feel like munching on salads and pretending I'm content with it
/as we step outside into the evening air it's dark thanks to autumn having well and truly arrived, cold too but i don't feel the cold as much as you do, giving you cursory side glances to check you're alright still
No. No rehearsals or plans for tomorrow
I've handed in my work early and since the musical is part of my grade they've been lax on just how much they're giving us
/shrugs as there's frost on my breath, the campus soon disappearing behind us and city lights twinkling up ahead, warm and inviting, an escape
/entering the bar after you I scoot around a few of the patrons before finding a table with you, easily sliding onto the stool as my long legs dangle over the edge, one leg folded over the other comfortably
/a game seems to be on in the background in the tv considering the shouts now and then, making me jump somewhat before I'm looking over a menu, touching it as least as possible as I spy the greasy fingerprints on it
Are you free tomorrow too then? If you are I might just drink
...again
@¹ seungkyu *hears that there’s a freshman party going on in the club as a welcome to BMS event and that every freshmen are technically invited*
I guess it’s time to meet more people!
*hums as I get dressed out of my adult baby outfit and into my sheer mesh top and skin tight skinnies and heads to the bar*
*walks in and blinks, a little overwhelmed by the number of people I don’t know and takes a deep breath trying to look around and find someone I know for a start*
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon -covers his mouth and laughs-
Well, your confidence is very y.
That... wasn't me hitting on you either.
-gratefully accepts the water and takes several small sips-
Thank you.
@ΔΧΛ ³ woosung /blinks a bit at your words and chuckles softly
Ah. I know I am. You can continue to think out loud
/chuckles more and nods
Alright. Break time.
/asks for a glass of water for both of us and hands you the glass
Here. Thought you’d need it.
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon Ethereal. I couldn't think of the right word I was trying to use to describe you.
-eyes widen a little-
Oh ... I'm not trying to hit on you, I swear. I was just thinking out loud.
-shakes my head a little-
Maybe in a minute?
@ΔΧΛ ³ woosung /watches you curiously and tilts my head
What word?
/downs my shot as well and looks at you
Did you want another shot? Or should we stop here?
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon -grins at the petting, blinking for just a second too long-
-clinks our glasses together and downs my own shot-
-scrunches my face up again and sets the glass aside before returning to my lazy posture. Blinks a few times and nods to myself as if confirming something.-
That's the word...
@ΣΥΤ ² seonghwa Ⓟ "That's so true." Joong laughed. It really was some kdrama . It hit different when Seonghwa pulled a reverse uno card and kissed /his/ hand. A small, shy sound left his throat. He felt so flustered having Seonghwa's full attention, and he didn't know what to do with himself. "I don't know. Either way is lowkey an indirect kiss for the other." He chuckled. "We haven't made out since highschool though."
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon -gets this ridiculous eyesmile hearing such a genuine laugh from you-
I'll let you know when I remember.
-as was tradition at this point, I offer my shot glass for cheers-
@ΔΧΛ ³ woosung /looks at you and lets out a soft but genuine laughter in what felt like a lifetime
/shakes my head
then feel free to ask when it comes back
/hands you your shot when it comes
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon -takes a deep breath and runs a hand through my peachy hair-
... I forgot what I was gonna ask.
-snorts and orders another round for us-
I feel like I'm talking to much.
@ΝΓΤ ³ hyungwon -leans on the counter again-
-goes to ask another question, but stops-
Sorry. I'm not... meaning to interrogate you or anything. I'm just really curious. About people and their intentions and ambitions.
@ΔΧΛ ³ woosung /blinks when you giggle and shakes my head
something sporty? Maybe
/shrugs a bit
it's not what I usually model for so that would be a nice change
