@k. nahee even if mark isn't showing it, he is as shocked as nahee with his own statement. he doesn't understand what is going on with his head, but he explains it to himself as something good. the way how her eyes widen from his promise, it makes him worried—there hasn't been a day once where he has held her hands and spoke the words of 'i love you'. at the same time, he is glad that he brought himself to this decision. he vaguely remembers scrolling through his contacts to find nahee's name, then opening his messenger app to see the conversation that occurred a month ago. it isn't because he is sad from his own life, but he is sad because he realizes how much time he wasted away from nahee. the woman in front of him, with her beautiful eyes that he could feel intoxicated from and her soft skin that radiates an amazing glow and a pretty scent, is the love that he yearns for, and he feels so lucky to have it in his embrace.
the stars grow brighter as the time ticks. her eyes returns to the sparkling look from before. there isn't a single spec of gloom in her orbs, and that is the way how he likes it. he isn't sure on what to say, but the brief silence between them is somewhat comforting. they both exchanges gazes that they haven't done in so long. he recognizes her attractive look that he'll take glances at during the hallway, but those glances aren't the same as they are now. he finally knows what it feels like to be in love, and his lover feels the same. he wants to heal her from the damages that he has done, and he promises this time to never mess it up. his mind isn't able to comprehend what is happening, he doesn't know why or how she easily forgave him for what he has done, but it doesn't matter anymore.
the only job that he has to do is to make her happy again. he wants to see that gorgeous smile from before, her soft strands in his hands, and her petite frame wrapped in his arms. he'll beg anyone for something like that—now, he doesn't have to anymore. his embrace tightens as he leans his head down to greet with hers. their noses and foreheads touch, and it gives him that burst of delight. it is late at night, yet she still shines in his eyes. "baby, i know." he chuckles softly at her cute excitement, "i love you too, and i want to keep it that way—forever."
@t. mark "you... you'll what?" her eyes widen in shock and she cannot help pulling back to stare at him straight in the eye, mouth agape in shock and still unable to process the promise he had just made to her. when she peers into the windows of his soul, she feels a warm glow enveloping her as she sees the sincerity in his onyx orbs. it feels as if everything from their toxic past has suddenly disappeared and painted a new beginning, releasing hope that lightens up the darkened night sky. there was a sky full of stars and yet here they were, gazing at each other — one in shock, one in adoration. the stars aren’t enough to measure her love for him, not even if one counts those reflected in the moonlit oceans. his agreement sparks content within her; she doesn't need anything anymore. her body is present, but her soul floats high as he smiles in such a way that makes her feel lighter.
he is the most vibrant artwork she's ever seen — the most professional photograph, the most intricate sculpture, the most beautiful miracle in the world and in her heart. she cannot stop gazing at him, and all she wants is to be lost—forever—in his eyes. she can’t help but grin at the fact that his eyes shine brighter than the sun rising in the background. he is her universe and she wants to love him forever. she wants to love him and care for him the way no one has ever done before — the way he deserves so badly. she wants to hold him and show him the eternity of happiness he deserves. she wants him to feel loved so deeply that he forgets his troubled past. she wants to hold him when he is at his best and at his very worst, and everything in between. and she wants to love him even when he is not so lovable. in all her silence, she promises herself that she will love him in the purest way possible and that she will find new things to love about him every second that they are together and even when they are not.
unable to utter anything else, she immediately twines her arms around him his nape and tiptoes slightly to nudge her temple to his. the tips of their noses touch into an eskimo kiss and she cannot help but smile at him like the utter lovesick fool she is. not knowing what to say but completely blinded by her own happiness, she mutters the only thing she knows how to say to him : "i love you. i'm so in love with you, holy , i love you."
@k. nahee he feels like he is getting punched by every word that nahee speaks. over and over again, it won't stop. nahee never lies to him, and her courage is something that he has never seen before. she always hides away from confrontation, up to everything that mark tells her, and listens without hesitation. he is witnessing something that is a surprise; somewhere in the world, they are telling nahee that enough is enough. he wants to swallow down his emotions, keep himself caged in isolation—he's afraid of wanting to do more than they are doing. however, what is he so afraid of? what is exactly stopping him from loving the one he has only cared for? out of all these years, mark never cared about anyone else—until he met nahee.
the saliva in his mouth suddenly dries up and his voice turns rasp from the lack of moisture. he returns his vision to nahee, who is speaking her heart out as she places her hand on top of his chest. she's right and he's wrong. it is something that he established for a long while, and here it is again—for once, he agrees with what she is saying. the dictatorship that their relationship created is dissolving into the past; mark wants to change. his arm pushes nahee closer into his frame, and he creates a small distance between his trembling lips and her pierced ear. just by doing that, her scent continues to hypnotize him as it would before. he misses her almost too much.
"you want me right?" he slowly begins in a low whisper, and his voice deepens. "i know that you suffered for too long. you turned into a puppet—someone who i controlled with every movement, and now, you are finally punishing me for what i have done to you." he emits a nervous laugh. "i ignored you, left you on read, declined your calls, and pushed you away, yet you're still here—in my arms." he pauses for a brief second and recollects what he is trying to say. "somehow and somewhat, i want to thank some god for what they gave me. they gave me you, and you know what? i love what they gave me." he sniffles once more. he tilts his head down and places his forehead on her shoulders, even if it is already starting to strain his neck. "it's been a while since i told you that i love you, and i'll give you what you want for once."
@y. jeongin momo chuckles at him, she wondered if anyone actually did the dirty in the dirty. she moves black locks of hers behind her ears, to get them out of her face as the wind did push her locks into her face. "oh sorry- did I pinch too hard or something?" she gazes at him with worried eyes. she nods her head as he bows, a grin plastered onto her lips. she pulls out her delicate hand to him, shaking his gently then loosening her grip. momo gives him a princess wave before leaving the rooftop. it was definitely nice to meet someone new and someone she clicked with. plus, he was a cute freshie.
@t. mark "all i'm asking from you is for you to be honest. with your intentions, your actions, your words... be honest with yourself. is this what you truly want? sneaking behind shadows, quick glances, hidden smiles. you'd prefer that we live in our separate worlds like parallel lines, never crossing until the lines are blurred by the darkness of the night?" there's desperation in her voice now and she feels completely terrible. she knows she's somewhat pressuring him at this moment—something she promised she wouldn't do—but she can't control the raw emotions clawing at her from within. she had so much love to give him yet he wouldn't take any of it and she wondered what she should do with all of it when her love was only ever meant for him.
"i don't care," she begins, her hands falling from his face and instead choosing to rest upon his heart instead. "i don't care if they say you're not good for me. i don't care if there are others out there that would be better for me. it's you. it's you that i want. you know that. your smile, your laugh, your cry. the good parts, the bad parts. you with your ragged edges. every single thing about you is something i adore about you. no one, and i mean no one, will ever be able to complete with you, to take my love away from you. you're everything i've always wanted. you'll always be my first choice, and my second, and my third. there's no one other than you." when she stops, she feels like a burden's been lifted off her shoulder and that she can finally breathe again.
"i'm not asking for much. i just want to be able to love you publicly. i want to shout at the top of my lungs that mark tuan is mine and mine only. i want to be able to accompany you during free time between classes and i want to be able to gush about you on sns. can you give me that?"
@k. nahee the burning sensation of regret continues to brew inside of him. it is as if he is being burned alive—getting marks of flames written all over his heart. he wants to stop shedding more tears, but his heart refuses to listen to him. he stands there with nahee in his arms, absolutely vulnerable, and nahee has always been the only one to see it. whenever he is vulnerable, she is there for him. he begs for another person, but he keeps crawling back to the same habits. he asks for help, and nahee comes to rescue him. he struggles to croak another word and allows nahee to wipe away his tears. his lips trembles while he swallows nothing to cure his dry throat. "sorry, i—" he couldn't even speak and shakes his head in rejection of her touch. "i'm okay," he manages to mumble and releases a trembling sigh. "don't worry about me."
even if he says that, she'll never stop worrying about him. her heart for him is so intense, and he knows too well that he shares the same emotion. he has thought about it for hours and planned out ways to avoid this sick knot in his stomach. he doesn't want to be in love, but he is unable to deny it. the days where he sneaks a peek at how beautiful nahee looked, just glowing under the sunlight while she giggles and chats with her friends. it allows him to take a breather—he is happy when she's happy. though, he realizes that he is never happy without her; he misses her smile, but it isn't any smile from her, he wants her to smile at him. he is undoubtedly in love with the woman of his dreams, the woman who has always been there, and the woman who everyone refused to let him see. she was the one, and he wasn't.
her words shock him; he is unsure of what to say anymore. his eyes widen from her sudden courage, "i do like you." he replies in a soft voice, then turning his head away to break her caress. he wants to avoid looking at her. "i just don't know what to do to show it. i'm...scared."
@h. momo jeongin was quick to shake his head, the smile dissipating into a worried expression, frantically shaking his hands. “n-no!! i just... heard stories about them, thats all, heh. and i walked past it once, smells real bad,” a little pout was naturally set, scrunching his face up when momo pinched his cheek. rubbing his sore cheek, he nods and his lips stretch into a grin, humming in agreement. “thats fine with me! it was a great pleasure for me as well. i hope to see you soon,” jeongin bows a ninety degree, before stretching his arm put for a friendly and parting handshake. it was truly a pleasure to meet momo, and he hopes he sees her around often, her presence calming and cheery.
@t. mark seeing her dearest nearly choking on his tears ignites a weird sensation within her. it’s the kind of invisible heartbreak that makes the world spin slower. it hits all at once. it’s too difficult to breathe. unknowingly, she feels herself tearing up too, unable to do anything to comfort him. vainly, she reaches up and cups his face within her palms, her thumbs reaching up to dab the wetness away from his face. "please don't cry," her voice merely a whisper, "it breaks my heart." her heart starts to constrict and there's a lump in that threatens to choke her. nonetheless, she forces her searing tears to sink back into her eyes, seeping into her soul and filling her with sadness. yet, in all her brokenness, she was still too good for him.
they say people fall in love when the time is right, when they are true to each other and are ready to be together. nahee notices that they don't talk about how she is so damaged she can barely think and he is so cynical that he may never be ready. she doesn't understand this crack between them that seems to be growing wider and wider each day, and she doesn't know what she can do to change his mind. she's in love with him and he's in love with her and it's a ing tragedy because she looks at him and sees stars and he looks at her and sees the sun but the stars and the sun will never be able to meet. they look at each other with what ifs and could haves and hearts full of regrets. if there was a word to describe them, it would be “almost” because they're almost together. they're almost lovers. they've almost made it. except they won't and that will ruin her. everyone tells her that he's not right for her. she knows that, but it doesn’t make her want him any less, doesn’t make her miss him any less. it doesn’t how happy they make each together. reminding her that he isn’t right for her just makes her wonder —then who is?
"am i asking for too much? did i tell you to drop everything for me? no. what's stopping you? why are we holding ourselves back?" there's a newfound courageousness surging through her veins, and the timid little sheep she was seems to have retreated for the night. "for who? for what? your stupid reputation? bull." nahee's not one to curse, and hearing the explicit leave her own lips shocks her but she keeps going with disappointment laced in her voice. "if you truly like me, then show me."
@y. jeongin she chuckles at his adorable wink, mirroring his wink as well. "do you have experience in the janitor's closet?" she scratches her scalp, curious if so. her tiers stretches into a grin at his action, he was basically naturally cute. she couldn't help but get close and pinch his cheeks. "that reminds me of banana phone aha!" she pulls away from his cheeks and softly emits coos. "well, i'll text you on snapchat whenever i'm free and we can set up a plan! thank you again for coming out here. that's all the answers i needed heh. it was a pleasure to meet you though!"
@h. momo jeongin chuckles and brings his index to his lips, shushing her softly before winking. “i just know— i mean, every school has a place where... it tends to be more dirty, if you get what i mean,” he beams after answering, before nodding his head frantically at momo’s last question, she was hospitable and it seemed like they clicked along well, maybe he could give this friendship a go. “of course! im always up for hanging out and all, just give me a ring,” he does the call gesture and brings it up to his ear, give it a little wriggle.
@y. jeongin his statement about the janitor’s closet makes her wonder, she finishes up his last words and gazes up at him. “how do you know what the janitor’s closet is like?” it wasn’t the question she had prepared, but she was curious. she beams at him, rubbing her nape. “okay, last question. would you want to hang out with me again?” she only had two questions prepared at first, but the moment she saw him, she knew that they were going to click. plus, he was quite interesting to her.
@h. momo jeongin doesnt fail to notice the little roseate cheeks that form at his little flirtatious comment, and he chuckles, knowing that words are the key to people’s heart. “hmmmmm, id just like to say that hi! im jeongin and to all the freshmans out there, lets be friends and if youre feeling lonely, innie is here for you— and uhh stay away from the janitor’s closet... yeah its really dirty and smelly in there. spread legs and not hate, and yeah thats about it.” he giggles at his last words, hearing it once from a man off the side of the street and decided to use it as his motto. he stares at momo with an excited glint, and his tiers stretched into a toothy grin.
@k. nahee nahee's answer leaves him speechless. his lips form a thin line as he swallows each word that comes from her. he doesn't know whether he should feel happy or sad, or whether is this the time where he confesses his love like every movie has done. there is simply a lump in his throat, sitting there to be cleanse with pure water, as the time ticks by. after hearing her answer, it only brings back memories. that exact moment where their eyes locked for the first time at the dance practice, and in honesty, he has never seen anyone so bright and mesmerizing. that shy smile when she asks for assistance from him, he almost dropped everything to be with her, but his mind continued to hold him back. he wants to forget everything once more—to start a normal life where he doesn't have a reputation. he wishes to see her everyday without having a fear. he wishes for everything, but he knows it'll never come true.
so suddenly, the twinkling stars grow dim for mark. he imagines the darkness swallowing him, and the only thing that is keeping his sanity is nahee. she holds the candle to his fire, but the both of them slowly melts into a pool of nothing. he is the flame; he is the one to blame for this, and he refuses to admit it in front of nahee. her words are too perfect for him. he repeatedly echoes that she deserves better. he isn't the one for her, he never was the one for her. he doesn't deserve anyone, especially nahee. she is too perfect and too beautiful for him. mark is only rotten, from the inside and out. the boldness in her words cause him to shrink. he is still so confused. why on earth is she hurting herself over /him/? he feels almost so desperate. he wants to let go but he can't.
the comfort in his embrace disappears and his grip grows tighter after each word passes. the lump in his throat clears up, but a tear slowly crawls down his cheek. "you see us as meant to be—a couple who is destined to be together. i can't accept that... no, i won't be able to accept that." he almost chokes on his own words. his expression gradually darkens, and for the first time, his heart feels pain. she becomes so brave, just for him, but he can't accept any of it. she doesn't belong to him, and that mentality will remain the same. "of course, i like you. it's obvious, isn't it? i miss seeing you smile at me in the halls, or our secret hangouts at the nearby park, or even that time where we skipped class to go somewhere. i want to be next you everywhere we go, holding hands somewhere." he sniffles and takes his palm to wipe the salt from his face. "i grew distant from you for a reason. you deserve someone better, but i ing hate myself. not being able to see you everyday hurts, and it's funny because we're not even dating." he emits a cold laugh, which gives him a small shiver down his spine. "please... i don't want you to say this to me. please don't like me. i'm not it—"
@t. mark there he goes again, gracing his lips with that radiant smile of his, lighting a fire in her heart all over again. she's almost too mesmerized by his brilliance that she almost misses his question, flinching unconsciously from the bluntness of it. "do i need a reason to like you?" she asks, genuinely curious, as she stares away at at the night sky for the first time in a while. she's still looking away, her fingers fiddling with one another, when she speaks up again. "i don't know when it started. was it when your eyes met mine?" it's more of a question for herself than for him, but she eventually shakes her head. "i fell in love with your words first. the way you spoke so passionately about the things you love. dance, film, your dog — unknowingly, i started wanting to be one you tell people about when you talk about what makes you happy." it's hard to admit, and she's not even sure how the words left her lips. she feels her cheeks heat up once more, the warmth consuming her being.
"but then... you spoke about yourself. you told me you’re just like every other person in this world." she can still remember that night they met up at han river for once. perhaps it had been a bad day for him, but it was the day he truly started being vulnerable around her. she's thankful for that and she smiles softly as she continues, looking down at her feet. "it was the biggest lie i've ever heard. you're unparalleled in my eyes. you’ve always been." she admits shyly, her voice not as confident anymore as it lowers by itself. the confessions are falling from her lips like autumn leaves from a tree and it scares her. nonetheless, she continues. "i know you think you’re too imperfect and scarred to be loved by a hopeless romantic like me, but i beg to differ. i like you because you're you — all of you, even your jagged ends and the flaws that you think are unlovable, i've fully invested myself into this... into loving you."
nahee doesn't know when she became this brave, but she dares herself to look up and straight into his eyes. although the topic at hand is far from light, she still beams at him brightly while she confesses everything she's been feeling. "i want to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed. i want to be the sheets your fingers crave at night; the blanket that wraps around you all night. i want go into the deepest corners of your mind and never get bored of you. i want to look at you like a movie, a living piece of art; always trying to chase what you crave … and capture you." she's rambling now, but she could care less at this point. she wraps her arms around herself, suddenly feeling shivers after pouring out her entire soul. "i want you, and i know you want me too — no matter how hard you deny it, i know you like me too."
@y. jeongin she begins writing down everything the latter’s saying, messy handwriting, but good enough that she could recognize it. ‘like you’ she pauses to gaze up at him with a cheeky simper, his cute wink causes her cheeks to flush into a rosy tone. going back to writing as he continues stating his answer. “i have two more questions. the next one is, do you have any tips or tricks for freshman’s like you?” her cheeky simper still propped onto her lips, feeling the heat from her cheeks earlier.
@h. momo the brightest grin stretches across his little cheeks, and he bounces on his toes at the question, humming in thought. “well, like i said— it is my dream to be able to attend to solace. i feel like anyone and everyone is always welcomed the moment they step into this premises, and everyone’s so hospitable— like you,” he pauses only to give a cheeky wink. “hmm and theyre many features and places the school allows us to engage in, which i think is really cool.” he nods at the end of his rather lengthy response, hoping that momo had gotten it all down.
@y. jeongin she nods at his smooth tone, "i'm glad that you're apart of solace university now, congrats on making it!" she said, voice soft and clear. she swallows her saliva to untie the knot in , preparing for the questions she had in mind. "first question, what do you think about solace university so far?" she momentarily tilts her head awaiting for an answer from the young male presented in front of her. her pencil lead propped on the first line in the small notebook oh hers.
@k. nahee his eyes continue to narrow from the soft tone of nahee's voice. his embrace slowly loosening, but it isn't from not wanting to do so. he is beginning to feel comfortable; they don't need to hug so tightly to know to spark something in between. each time she speaks the stars suddenly glow brighter, he feels like he is imagining it, but it appears that his imagination is real. was this the /love/ that fairy tales always talk about? or perhaps, how your butterflies fill up your stomach? it is childish thinking, but he wants to feel like a high school boy blushing from asking his girl out to prom. somehow, the corners of his lips curl into a smile. is this the feeling of happiness? it can't be.
his mind still floats on a river of confusion. he keeps asking why and why nahee continues to be the way how she is towards him. the fact that she blushes every time he touches her hand; it is almost devastating to mark, but there is radio silence from his actions. even then, that tint of red from her cheeks manages to crack a small grin on his face—of course, he hides it by covering his expression with his hand. they're supposed to be friends. well—more like that's what mark wants. he has made it clear before, but he sits in frustration. the attempt to stay stagnant with a girl that could be his hopes and dreams; mark is too afraid to reach for it.
at this moment, nahee yearns for the affection that mark promised a few months back. the small texts at three in the morning of how mark wishes he could go over to her dorm, the brief hugs during study hall, and the slip of an order of coffee whenever they have the chance to. instead, mark grows cold. he stated that he doesn't want to do it anymore, but he does. he /really/ does. the beautiful scent of nahee drives him crazy, alongside her locks that rests in between his embrace. he wants to continue this, but he knows he'll only drift further away. "i want to know..." he hesitates, "why do you like me?"
@h. momo he assumed that the girl was older than him, or maybe the same age, she was radiating with energy and jeongin could feel himself mirroring her energy. they shook hands before folding his hands so that his right would be over the other, resting comfortably and casually in front of his lower region. “aahh i see i see, im honoured to he featured then. thanks for the welcome ! its been my dream to be here.” he chuckles rather bitterly, one hand flying up to scratch against the back of his nape. “of course! fire away, mi lady.”
@y. jeongin the corner of her roseate tiers curves into a warm simper, the young latter’s visage of cheerfulness causes her eyes to smile along with her tiers. she swiftly runs over to the figure, offering out her free hand. “it’s a pleasure to meet you heh!” eliciting a snicker due to his visage. it was screaming cuteness. “you’re so adorable in person too,” she briefly scrunches her nose before replying back. “it’s for the school newspaper, we’re trying to get information around the campus. in this case we’re welcoming freshmen. welcome to solace uni by the way! everyone here is filled with energy, besides that — shall i begin the questions?” she said with a honey tone whilst pulling out her pencil and small notebook.
@h. momo jeongin hums a little merry tune as he plays one of the dumbest games he has ever came across — flappy bird, as he waited for ‘momorin’. the name causes him to chuckle, it was a cute name, gives a happy vibe to whoever came across it. the door opens without warning, and his dumb bird smacked against the pillars, causing him to lose. he didnt mind, looking up with his signature grin. “thats me! its nice to meet you, momo.” he reaches his hand out for a friendly shake, the smile never faltering. “so the interview..? whats it for, may i ask? im all for it, to be honest.”
@y. jeongin she swiftly but carefully alternates her legs going up the stairs, leading up to the rooftop. finally stepping into the fresh air and breeze that pushed back her hair. seeking a young male leaning against a wall. “jeongin?” she called out, hoping it was the right guy she needed to talk to. “i’m hirai momo!” eliciting a chuckle at his aura, giving off happy vibes.
@t. mark she freezes, her smile faltering as she processes what he said. "what?" is the only thing she can utter, taken back by his forwardness. "you already know everything about me," she says with a confused chuckle, eyes crinkling into crescents as she smiles softly at him even though he's not even looking at her. even with his face turned to the side, he still makes her heart race. if only he knew how much these late-night rendezvous meant to her, the little moments only they knew about. truthfully, nahee doesn't know how they got this far. she wasn't exactly sure when it happened or when it started — all she knew for sure was that she was falling harder for him with every passing day and she could only pray he was the same because for mark tuan, love was like the autumn leaves: he gets scared and leaves when they fall.
nahee's thankful he stayed when it came to her — whether it be because it's /her/, or because he, too, was getting tired of his own antics. she didn't know silence could be so warm, so comforting, so intimate until she had met him. she takes this moment to admire his features; her gaze wanders from the curvature of his jawline to the plumpness of his lips to his cute lil button nose, to his eyes that outshine the stars in the night sky. mark tuan is gorgeous, she thinks once more. looking up at him, she realizes how easy it would be to kiss him right then and there. how easy it would be to reach up and play with the locks of his hair. she wonders what they are if not lovers — friends? how much more eye contact, secret stares, and hidden smiles will it take for the rope to bend? how much longer are they going to push each other's limits in this gray zone before they allow this simple loving to come to life?
in the dead of the night, she finds herself wondering. when did she become this much of a fool? how long would it take her to get over him if he just disappeared from underneath her fingertips at this very moment? probably years, she thinks. she already feels like a piece of her life is gone just thinking about it. she hopes these nights never end and that he stays around for a long time. a gentle smile graces her lips once more, "what did you want to know?"
@k. nahee he immediately notices nahee’s lose grip. he doesn’t mention anything about it though, but it is obvious that she isn’t content with his answer. honestly, he would be upset with himself too. he is unsure why he refuses to give what nahee deserves. he likes her to the point where it could fall under the category of ‘love’, but he has a reputation to protect. he doesn’t want someone to stop him from pursuing his passion—something that he has dreamed about for a long time. however in others’ perspective, they find this attitude as ‘selfish’. he doesn’t deny it, but he can’t accept it either. her nod as an answer pains him. he feels weak with her against his body. why did she give in so easily?
nahee confuses him—almost far too much. he knows that she doesn’t like the pain that he gives her everyday. the times where her face darkens whenever he lets go of her head, or even the times where a smile blooms from a simple hug—he hates it so much. he lost count of how many times he regrets his decision of liking her. he describes him as a good person constantly but never in front of nahee. he thinks about their relationship; the moments where he could rewind to the past and fix it, but he knows he wouldn’t fix anything at all. he /needs/ the reputation that he received, whether it is greedy or not.
the lump in his throat causes him to gulp loudly. his lips quiver as he looks down to cover it. he isn’t going to cry, but he can tell that she wants to. he refuses to glance at her; he doesn’t want to see her cry, ever. “no, there’s more...” he barely whispers. “i want to understand you.”
@m. mark Mitchel knew Mark wasn't the one for parties but the male hoped dragging the other to this party would somehow be different? The stoner was easily lost within the crowd and loud music, and before he really knew it, he was high and partially drunk- his mind completely lost within everything and everyone around him. With the music beating loud within his ears, he downed another drink and was chatting it up with some girls near the bar area. With his elbow leaned against the surface, his attention was mostly glued to these girls. Mitchel knew they had boyfriends, but that really didn't sway him away from making any type of moves- the girls weren't rejecting him and that just meant Mitchel was in the clear. Eventually he said his goodbyes to the girls and headed deeper in the crowd, coming across a man sitting in circle with some other guys who were obviously sharing a blunt and the lines of only encouraged Mitchel to have a seat with them, and they welcomed him openly. A few lines later and a blunt in and Mitchel was gone- his gaze was hazy and brain fogged heavenly. His eyes could barely stay open and every step was staggered and he had to hold himself up by holding onto stuff.
Only now did Mitchel sense someone was missing from this fun- Mark- he didn't see him anywhere. Perhaps the loner boy left? Maybe he was just sitting by himself somewhere and enjoying some non-existent company. He had no clue, but this stoned man was determined to find his friend. With that in mind, he headed all over and asked everyone if they've seen a lonesome boy and proceeded to describe said boy to anyone and everyone who would stop and actually listen to him. Though- Mitchel wasn't sure anyone could really understand him since his current stay wasn't the best, slurred words and jumbled sentences wasn't going to help him. Finally, he made success when he stopped a girl and asked her if she's seen Mark, and after describing him to her she proceeded to inform the stoner that she saw him heading towards the roof by himself. Mitchel thanked her and headed through the crowd. He had to admit, the thunderous music and the crowd of people was starting to become too much even for a guy like Mitchel. Finally making it to the door by himself, he inhaled and stopped for a moment. He took a quick moment for himself, trying to keep himself steady and level headed despite his current condition. He gripped the door handle and turned it, heading through the door and making his way up the stairs towards the roof.
Step after step, he struggled the entire way there- being extremely high and drunk was not something that helped a person get up some stairs but he felt the stairs were going to prevent him from throwing unlike using the elevator. Mitchel also did not like using them, being in close quarters wasn't something he fared well with due to his past. He decided to stop for a short break- seating himself upon a step, taking deep breathes to calm himself. Everything was spinning and his mind was still hazy, making any rational thoughts incoherent even to himself. After a little longer, he found himself finally reaching the roof, grabbing the handle and swinging the door open. Despite his condition, it wasn't hard to spot Mark sitting all by himself amongst the nothingness on the rooftop. No one else was up here, just them two now, "MaRK-" he called out before stepping forward and stumbling his was over to the other. He sat in a char next to him, a sigh escaping his lips before resting his chin against his palm, "You disappeared rather quick, huh?" His words were jumbled and slurred as he spoke, too caught up in his own mind to even think whether the other could understand him.
@t. mark his answer remains the same, and although she had expected it, she can't help the way her grip around him falters by itself and loosens slightly. she opens to retort, but nothing comes out no matter how hard she tries to vocalize the frustration she feels, and all she can do is helplessly close and blink furiously to prevent the tears from coming out. no matter how many times she's tried to change his mind, her beloved remains firm in his choice and she cannot help but surrender. because she fears that if she tries to rebel against his decision, she'll lose him forever. and the thought of losing him haunts her more than the childish labels she had always dreamed of. she wants to ask him just one thing — why? why can't we? — but she knows it's wiser not to so she wordlessly tightens her embrace once again. she nods. a silent confirmation: her way of saying "okay, i won't bring this up again for a while." her wicked way of protecting her own heart.
perhaps it's because it isn't the first time, but this time the heartbreak she feels doesn't feel as severe as she had expected it to. that's a good thing, she thinks, because then she'll never ask for more and she'll never have to worry about burdening him again. nahee decides she'll live in mark's shadows if that's what he wants of her. she knows he feels the same, she understands his fear of getting too close, and she does not wish to add more onto his emotional baggage. she's convinced there'll be a day where she can change him. as naive as it sounds, she is certain she can get him to open up once again and nahee will not stop until she does. or until he gets tired of her... or someone else decides to sweep her off of her feet.
but this moment isn't about her. she remembers the panic she felt and how broken he had looked when she had first arrived, so she it up. she intakes a deep breath, blinks away any possible tears, and feigns a gentle simper as she pulls back slightly to look at him. "i know you said you just missed me, but... are you sure that's all? you know you can tell me anything."
@k. nahee he isn't able to comprehend his actions. he doesn't understand why he is holding her so tightly to his chest. he endures the urge to peep a cry, but he is wishing for this same comfort every day. he wants to be able to hold her hand wherever they and meet up with her everyday without the fear of being seen—perhaps, the ability to simply brush her strands of hair away from her delicate face. however he can't do that, he doesn't have the courage to do so. he takes in whatever he can for this moment; gently leaning his head against hers and releasing a small sigh of relief. he didn't want to do it anymore, but his body refuses to listen to him.
he finds content from her actions—the motion of her arms around his built waist and her face against his chest. he feels like he is suffocating, but the suffocation suddenly stops when her warmth radiates on him. nahee tempts him to break his barrier; a shield that continuously becomes bigger as the days go. he doesn't want to show his real traits to anyone, but nahee is that /one/ person that he claims to be it. he tells himself that so many times, yet he fails to do so. he shivers once more, "i know that you want to be mine. i know that you hate doing this every time," his tone gets quieter and quieter. "but i can't do it. i can't do this... with you, or anyone. i can't let you be mine." his throat turns dry after each word. he begs to let his past go, but it consumes more than anything would. he can't hurt nahee anymore—he just can't.
@t. mark cognitive dissonance — when one's actions differ from their thoughts, when one does not do what their brain tells them to. it is a state nahee seems to be in right now as she wholeheartedly indulges in the sweet and familiar warmth of his arms when her mind is screaming at her to confront him. she's surprised, to say the least. just a moment ago, he was brushing her off by telling her that she doesn't have to see him everyday. but here he was now, locking her tiny frame in his embrace so desperately. if she tries to struggle against his hold even a bit, she fears he'll shatter in front of her eyes. and although her conscience tells her to start defining the lines between herself and her inamorato, her heart says it.
against her own control, her arms wrap themselves tightly against the man's waist and she buries her face into his chest. she feels the weight being lifted off her shoulders because he's back. her mark—the mark she had stumbled upon in the dance studio all those months ago when she got lost on campus on her way home one night—was still somewhere in there, underneath all the layers of walls he had built to protect himself after years of isolation in a foreign country. "i don't like this," she admits, her voice muffled slightly by his torso. "i don't like acting like we're strangers. sometimes i wish we were again. i don't want to pretend we don't know each other the way we do. it's just hard, y'know? sneaking around... we live in the same hall, have similar groups of friends... i just," she's rambling on now, not even sure what she's even saying at this point. "i just wish you were mine. i just... i just want to be yours."
@c. mitchel If Mark's memory served him correctly, he could've sworn he informed his friend about his disinterest towards social events. Simply over the fact that too many people placed in a single location was overwhelming. Due to Mark being the least of an extroverted butterfly, it just wasn't his type of entertainment. Mark was more of an introverted moth who preferred to stay in the comfort of his own light rather than be caught in a group and fluttering joyfully in an inviting field of flowers.
Alas, Mitchel dragged Mark into the crowd, anyway. There was a party being held on campus grounds today and for whatever reason, Mitchel's insistence made it seem as if Mark just /had/ to be there. Though Mark could tell you being at such a gathering was the last thing he wanted to be at. Not too long after they arrived, the latter already allowed the lively atmosphere to invade his person whilst Mark sought security against a wall. He merely observed the unfamiliar bodies surrounding him as they figuratively threw their schedules out the window. Mark wished to do the same though literally- and with himself because jumping out a window would be more worthy of his time than this.
However, the outcast decided on something differently. Not knowing where in the hell Mitchel disappeared off to, Mark went ahead and dismissed himself from the scene. Escaping the noise, and within a certain amount of minutes replacing it with the easy sound of wind slipping past his ears. Immediately a newfound sense of peace washed over him and what better location to find solace at than, well, Solace University's very rooftop? Hardly anybody gets access to this spot which is exactly what counted it as an ideal place for Mark. The view from this point was specially captivating, too, and so for the remaining duration of the party, the introverted moth attached himself to the light once more.
