× make me.

@hoseok She almost hadn’t noticed that Hoseok had entered her bedroom too as she was too distracted by her own sobs and the pain that had her chest feel heavy. Her body felt too weak to push him away even though her own voice screamed in her head that she had to leave. Andy didn’t want him to know how much pain she felt, how much she was affected by his signature on the divorce paper. It officially marked that whatever had been between them had gotten to an end. It was over. They would never return to happiness, they would never be back together like they had been once.

But why was it that he held her close?

Her vision was blurry but she saw what he pointed at as she listened to what he had to say. His voice sounded as desperate as her own and the slightest spark of hope rushed through her chest as her eyes fixed on the date. What if it was fake? What if he had edited it just now? Then again, he had no reason to do that, right?

Before she could say anything—not that she had felt able to form words—Andy was twisted around and met with his lips on hers. She was frozen at first before the wetness of their tears pulled her back into reality. It was a desperate kiss, not a soft romantic one, but it was just right for her to understand that he truly meant his words and that maybe they weren’t over just yet.

“Are you sure?” She pressed past trembling lips. “After everything that has happened?” She wanted to respond to his confession, tell him how she felt the same but her feelings and emotions were a mess and she still wasn’t sure whether this was reality or just her mind playing tricks on her.

Her hand reached out to caress over his cheek almost as if she wanted to prove that he wasn’t some ghost that would fade away at her touch. Would it be a lie if she said that she had never actually hated him? Rather than hate it must have been despair that she had felt after that night years ago. The person most important to her had had someone else, had cheated on her. It had been a dark hole that she had fallen into. However, that was the past and their relationship now mattered. Andy had made mistakes just like Hoseok had. They needed to heal and they needed each other for that.

“I love you, too.” Her lips still trembled as she placed them on Hoseok’s. This time the kiss way softer than before, just like butterfly wings brushing against each other.

“You might want to leave me though...” She had to tell him. Now was the moment when they had to be honest with each other or else they would never be able to get their life together back on track. Maybe sharing it would help her too. It was hard to carry this locked in her mind.

She wiped her tears away but new ones already formed at the corners of her eyes. “Do you remember that night during our honeymoon?” She took another deep breath before she felt able to continue speaking. “I was pregnant but I lost the our baby because of the overdose...” Andy couldn’t control herself, she sobbed as the pain rose in her chest again. Her head fell onto his shoulder and her tears made his shirt wet. “Why can’t we be lucky once? Why does all this happen to us?” She whimpered.

Andy felt way better as Hoseok comforted her, as she could finally talk about the pain that had suffocated her. It shocked her that Hoseok had already known about this all the time. She had thought that the doctor had only let her know about those circumstances. Now that she thought about it, it made sense. They would tell her husband by law especially when she was unconscious. Maybe she should have said something sooner. Hoseok was considerate of her feelings. He had waited until she was ready to talk about it, something that she truly appreciated.

The divorce papers still lay on her lap. She hadn’t given much attention to them with her whole focus being on their conversation. Andy grabbed them and ripped them apart. “We don’t need these anymore.” She hugged Hoseok tightly once more before getting up from their position on the floor. Instead of sitting around, she wanted to do something. They had to finally get their life together.

“I don’t need excuses anymore to share the bed with you, right?” A smile tugged at her lips. “This should be a guest bedroom again.” Andy picked up a few of her clothes to carry them to the master bedroom. The closet was giant and had enough space to fit the clothes of both of them just like it was supposed to for a married couple.

“We should go out for dinner tonight. What do you think?” Andy asked as they were done with sorting her stuff into the closet. “We should also buy some stuff to make this house feel more like a home. Maybe some plants, I really want to add my personal touch to it if that’s fine with you.” After she had destroyed so many of his things, it was really time to add some new things again. She also wanted the house to feel like a place where she was welcome, one that she had decorated together with her husband.

@andy A tremble could be heard in Andy’s voice as she moved closer to him. It was clear that she was on the verge of tears, that she was trying her best to not allow Hoseok to catch her in such an emotional state. He wanted her to tell him, tell him the entirety of the truth. It was more than the drugs that made her come to this realization, judging from the media (Hoseok had browsed through when he had off-days) this wasn’t Andy’s first time having an overdose. But it was certainly her first time losing an unborn child. Something that she had dreamed of once before. Hoseok wanted to comfort her for the real reason that she was afraid of but he couldn’t just bring it up. Andy would probably be horrified if she knew that he knew.

“It won’t happen again, I promise,” he replied.

Was it his knowledge of her being torn up over the baby why his lips parted comfortably as her own drew closer? He was afraid of her, being vulnerable towards Andy, yet he still had the urge to allow a kiss to be brought to his lips. The thoughts of kissing her were cut as suddenly as they had started, Andy’s back soon turned towards him. “Right.” It would be hard for him to do so, what with his heart pounding in his chest like it did. He only settled down when Andy’s hand found his, repositioning it so that she was once more in his embrace.

It was as if she used his body as a way to protect her, to fill the void that was missing. Absentmindedly, his larger hand smoothed over her stomach. Despite her having miscarried a few days before, the area was still soft to the touch, making it clear that something was once there. The fabric of her pajama shirt became bunched in his fingers as he took in the reality of the loss. But he had to pretend that he was unaware of their misfortune. “We have all the time in the world,” he mumbled.

Even he didn’t quite know what he meant by that.

+++

Through the days that passed, Andy kept to herself. Speaking only to make conversation, not to bother him in ways that she had before. The way they acted towards each other was certainly awkward at first, but soon, it was as if they were in high school once more.

It was refreshing to have Andy on her best behavior, to not have to deal with her threats, to actually feel comfortable while home. Hoseok could even say that he preferred to be home, at the dining table with her. She was often playing around on her phone or reading a book when he was busy with paperwork or a phone call. It was almost like she was a child, sitting there patiently until their parents could give them their desired attention.

Even her sneaking into his bed at night was so innocent and pure, just like a child’s. There was no motive for them to share a bed, other than to be a comfort to one another. The first few nights that Andy slid herself under the blankets stating that she was cold, having nightmares or whatever other excuse she made, Hoseok was confused. Well, he feigned his confusion, acted as though it made no sense for her to be there. But with each night, Hoseok clung to the fact that she would make another excuse to come in, he anticipated and expected it, even wanted to hold her in his arms. It terrified him, just how much he depended on her to want to be in his presence, how holding her no longer felt like a distant memory.

No matter how much he wanted to tell himself no, he had missed her, this, everything about Andy. This whole time, she had been the same shy girl from high school. One that was vulnerable and had feelings, possibly for him. He had just pushed her into a spot that made her act cruelly to not only him, but to herself.

Her feelings were completely clear after another few weeks. It was a busy day for Hoseok, enough for him to use his office. It had been awhile since he used the desk, something he honestly preferred. The chairs in the dining room were only comfortable if one were in it long enough to eat. But to be sat in that rigid chair the entire day was a nightmare for his . He also found himself taking more breaks due to wanting to stretch his legs.

It was starting to get dark out when Andy came into the room. The light that streamed in from the window made her tattoos pop against her skin. Hoseok didn’t quite catch what she had said, having been paying more attention to the client on the other end of the line. Little mind was given to Andy, that is, not until she suddenly went into a rageful fit, the pen that she was using sounding as though it were about to break.

Hoseok was confused, only for a moment, as to what Andy was talking about. His dark eyes found the paper on the desk. “Andy wa-” She was already out of the room.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kim, I have personal business to attend to. Can we complete this conversation at a later time?” Hoseok stood up, the divorce papers in hand. His eyes were glued to the last signature, the lines were dark and indented due to the force she put into it.

His client was angered by being dismissed. “Do you not know who I am?! You hang up this phone and we have no deal!!!”

“Well Mr. Kim,” Hoseok’s voice turned cold. “Only you benefit from this business deal. How quickly you forget, who has the larger company and has much less to lose for this going through. My wife’s wellness is far more important than an old man that thinks he holds the world. It was a pleasure working with you Mr. Kim, but I refuse to sign a contract with you.” At that Hoseok hung up, running to Andy’s bedroom, hoping that whatever she planned to do was not finished.

His heart tugged in pain when he saw her crumpled on the floor. It was his first instinct, to drop on the floor behind her, holding her smaller body against his own. The papers, he held just within her line of sight, his thumb placed to direct her attention to the date of his own signature. “Andy, please. Please see when I signed this. It was before you went to the hospital...I didn’t know what to do...You…” He had thought that there was no hope for her to live without hurting him like she had, that as long as they were married, she would do everything she could to tantalize him, make him feel as though he should die. He had never expected her to have been pregnant, never thought that she would hold onto him with need at night. At the time, there was no hope for them, not at all.

Papers fell into Andy’s lap as she was twisted around just enough for his lips to reach hers. It was wet from her tears, tears that showed him just how much he meant to her.

The kiss was too aggressive to enjoy and much too desperate. But Hoseok wanted, needed Andy to understand...he no longer thought there was no hope in trying to get her to love him. “I love you, I always loved you, Andy. Even when you clearly hated me, I couldn’t help but continue to love you. I don’t want a divorce if it means you love me back.”

The expression on his face was strained, his grip on her only got tighter. “Please don’t leave me. I need you.”

@hoseok As his hands found their way onto her shoulders, she was scared that he would push her away. His question was one that she couldn’t answer, until now, she hadn’t even noticed the tears that streamed down her face. It was as if she was caught in a miserable trance that ripped her soul from her body, which seemed to act on its own. His words crashed her even more than his hands that could push her away any second. He didn’t know, of course he didn’t. What had she expected? Ever since their wedding day she had been nothing but a who had treated Hoseok like a piece of trash. He had taken her back home but asking him to share the bed was way too much to ask for.

Suddenly, his warmth engulfed her as his arms held her in a secure embrace with her body pressed against his. “Thank you.” She mumbled once he allowed her to stay with him. It was the first time since they met again that Andy used a simple expression like ‘thank you’ and meant it with all her heart. The woman was thankful for not being left alone and for having someone by her side. Not just anyone, it was the man that she had been crazily in love with a decade ago, the man that had stolen her heart and had never returned all the pieces back to her. Even with all the hate that had haunted her over the years, Hoseok was still that one person her heart could never let go of completely. Maybe this was one of the reasons why the miscarriage felt even more painful than anything else in her life had ever had. Though, Andy blocked out her feelings for Hoseok, she would never be able to admit to herself what an impact her first love still had on her.

Concentrating on the movie was impossible. Her thoughts deviated from it and travelled back to her wild partying and the overdose. The miscarriage was her fault. Regret and pain seemed to her soul out of her body and she went down a vicious circle of blaming herself. As they made their way to bed, she didn’t even think about how awkward it could be to sleep next to Hoseok. Instead, she was way too lost in the accusations against herself to think about it. However, the question of what side she wanted to sleep on pulled her back into reality.

She chose the side that she had slept on before during the time when she had proclaimed this room as hers. It was awkward to lie next to each other. Andy had no idea how to behave and falling asleep seemed nearly impossible. They shifted their bodies at the time which must have been due to the tension radiating between them. Suddenly, they faced each other and the full moon lit the room enough for them to look at each other and not be surrounded by darkness.

A light shiver rushed over her body as he asked the question that she didn’t want to answer. There were no words to describe how she felt, the pain and the despair. She also just couldn’t have him know about the miscarriage. Andy had ruined what they had always dreamt of being, a happy family with children. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and she closed her eyelids to stop them from falling. Instead of answering the question right away, she moved closer to his body once more until they found themselves in another embrace. “It’s just---” Her voice broke and she sighed as the words tumbled through her mind. "The overdose has me think of things differently.” It wasn’t a lie, she just didn’t go into much detail.

Their breaths mingled as their eyes locked. The tension between them grew but it was a different type of tension than the one when they had first entered the room. As if a switch had been turned in her body and mind, Andy wanted to kiss Hoseok. His warm breath against her lips had her crave the intimacy that they had last shared during their drunken night. It would be a mistake, it would ruin their relationship even more---but why did her face seem to move closer to his on its own? Just when she could almost sense his lips on hers, Andy moved her face away again. Her whole body burned from the tension, from what she had almost done. “We should sleep...” She said after clearing a little. Andy turned around to face the opposite direction. However, Hoseok’s hand still rested on her hips. She took his hand and looped his arm around her stomach while her back was pressed against his chest. Spooning like this had her feel safe and warm once more. It didn’t take long and Andy managed to drift off to sleep.

The days passed. Andy had thought that Hoseok would kick her out the next day after the night when they had shared the bed. However, he hadn’t. Instead, they spent their days together. Hoseok worked from home just like he had announced at the hospital. Whenever there was no call that he had to take care of, he worked at the dining table instead of his office since Andy was always around that area too. She knew that he did it to watch her so that she wouldn’t act up again but strangely, Andy didn’t mind it. Being left alone with her thoughts and the accusations that she still threw at herself wasn’t pleasant at all. Having Hoseok by her side eased it a little. Whenever she was on her phone, Andy googled about miscarriages or looked at the cute baby pictures that flooded the internet. It broke her.

Whenever Hoseok was done with his work for the day, they went outside together---it was anything from running errands and going for walks at the local park. At first, it was hard to find a topic that they could talk about but soon they talked about what had happened in the ten years they had been apart. Both avoided the topic of their first breakup and the honeymoon. They talked about Hoseok’s education and work, about all the places that Andy had travelled to, and just whatever else came to their mind. All topics that could lead to either of them being uncomfortable were avoided such as Andy’s wild partying and overdoses as well as the question how many women Hoseok had been with, if he had ever loved someone like Andy.

While it had been supposed to be only one night that they shared the bed, Andy had always found an excuse to sneak under Hoseok’s blanket and snuggle up against him. The second night she had tried to sleep alone but in the end she had just walked to the master bedroom half an hour later. The other bedroom felt suffocating and she just didn’t want to be alone. His embrace was the only thing that eased her from the nightmares that were about to haunt her. Spending all their time together had let to them being less tense around each other. Andy harboured hopes that maybe they would still be able to save their marriage and actually be with each other, something that she now wanted even though she still didn’t quite admit it to herself. Her feelings were too much of a rollercoaster that she could actually name what she wanted. However, she had gotten attached to Hoseok again and the hate towards him had been replaced by the accusations against herself.

It was about a week after the incident at the hospital that Hoseok worked in his office rather than the dining room. He had told her that he needed to make some calls but that she could come to his office any time. Andy didn’t want to disturb him but as she had tried to boil some water in the kitchen, the electricity had suddenly stopped working while it was fine in all the other rooms. She knocked on the door to his office and he told her to come in. “There is something wrong in the kitchen---” Andy was interrupted by his phone buzzing and another call taking over his attention. She decided to wait for him. Her eyes scanned the room that she hadn’t been in before. Before Hoseok had kicked her out and she had ruined all the things around this house, the room to his office had always been locked and Andy hadn’t cared too much about it. Now she inspected everything, from the shelves with all the books to the things that were on his desk.

She caught her breath as her eyes landed on a specific paper. Oh god. It were the divorce papers and Hoseok’s signature was at the bottom of the paper. Her heartbeat went crazy in her chest and she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore. They hadn’t talked about their feelings for each other in the last few days, had avoided the topic but Andy had been so sure that everything would be fine, that they would manage to overcome everything that had stopped them in the past. Hoseok hadn’t been serious, he had only tolerated the past few days, maybe even waiting for the moment when he could drop her off at her parents’ place.

“So the last few days were for nothing?” She whispered with trembling lips but she knew that Hoseok was too distracted with the call to hear her. Tears started to form at the corners of her eyes but even though a voice in her head screamed at her to be strong, she wasn’t. Andy grabbed the pen that lay on the desk and pulled the divorce papers towards her. Without reading any of it, she placed her signature next to Hoseok’s. Andy hit the pen onto the desk loudly so that it would catch Hoseok’s attention. “Sorry for being such a nuisance in your life.” This time they looked at each other while Hoseok was still on the call and a voice sounded from his phone. The tears already rolled down her cheeks but Andy still took her last strength to flash a fake smile before rushing out of the room.

She sobbed loudly as the door slammed shut behind her. Andy rushed towards were she kept her suitcase and her clothes. She pulled them all out of the closet creating a giant mess on the bedroom floor. Her vision was blurry from the tears and her chest felt heavy from all the sobs that she didn’t manage to control. She tried to throw her stuff into the suitcase but had no strength left to actually do it. She flopped down on the floor leaning against the bedframe. Her knees were pulled up against her chest and her face was buried in her hands which were wet from all the tears. Andy had lost everything, her baby and now her husband too.

[post deleted by owner]

@andy Andy was right, it was his house. But due to her past actions and words, he couldn’t help but be surprised by her statement. Not once did Andy see it as his house previously, never had she acknowledged nor respected the fact that he had been the one paying for the roof that was over her head. Possibly it was due to the aggressive way that he told her to get out that it finally dawned on her that, yes, it was indeed his home and a home that he could easily take her out of. “Right...I guess you can figure out where you want to sleep then.” He was so close to telling her that it was okay, that she could keep the room as her own. But what if it led her to walking all over him again?

Sure, Hoseok had a divorce far from his mind and he acknowledged that no matter what she did, he would still be in love with her, but he was afraid of her falling back into her habits of mental abuse. Thus, he didn’t really want to give her an inch, not even a bit of control over the rules in his home. Which included his personal space and privacy. “You may use that bathroom for tonight, that’s fine. I’ll bring your things into the room while you’re washing.” The conversation was awkward, uncomfortable, as they both seemed to be walking on a tightrope as to what may trigger the other. It did not help the fact that the male tensed as Andy’s eyes looked over everything. Should he pretend that many of her material items, like her laptop, were destroyed in his tantrum?

Yes, he would admit that what he did was a tantrum. He had stooped as low as her when it came to dealing with his anger, acting like a spoiled child that was told “no” for the first time.

He chose to say nothing, deciding that it was best for her to ask about her items first. He did have the intentions of replacing items that she may need anyways. He was an in the moment, but his kind heart made him feel guilty much too quickly. As promised, Hoseok brought a box filled with some of her clothes, facial care and lotions to the room. It wasn’t much, but he figured that it wouldn’t make sense moving everything into the room when she wouldn’t be occupying it. It would be too much of a hassle anyway to move them from room to room.

The night felt long. Despite their small talk, the tension in the air was highly uncomfortable. Once again, Hoseok found himself being much too careful about what he was saying to Andy. What was there to say anyways? Even in college, he was never the type to go and get -faced, never had been placed into a similar situation as her. It didn’t help that he knew that due to her addictions, something that they had created (that was very much an accident) was gone. And who knew if that would ever even happen again?

The thought of another dream of theirs from when they were kids being ripped from them again was tantalizing. It was first his own fault and stupidity, now it was hers. Hoseok couldn’t help but blame her for the situation, for not noticing the changes in her body. Possibly, if Andy hadn’t been so hung up on making him miserable, she would have guessed that she was pregnant...If he hadn’t been afraid to come home, maybe he would have noticed too.

A commercial came on as they watched the movie, thankfully it was the only one, but the silence was too much for him. “I’m going to get ready for bed during this.” He didn’t give time for Andy to answer, getting up quickly to go to his room. The movie had been distracting enough for his busy mind, but once the commercial came on, Hoseok couldn’t help but feel tense once more. Possibly, all he needed to do was get into more comfortable clothes. He had been wearing the same thing the past few days too and hadn’t decided to change until just now.

Was it weird to feel uncomfortable about undressing in his own home?

Hoseok decided that if he timed it just right, he would be able to take a quick shower during the commercial break. And quick it was, as he preferred to not have Andy think his was avoiding her. It was also better for his mind to not wander as he stood there.

She ran into him as he made his way back down the stairs, catching her just in the hallway. “Were you crying?” It only took a second of looking at Andy’s face for the words to spill out of his mouth. Even though he was quick to comment on her wet face, Hoseok did not know what to do the moment that he found himself in her embrace. Did his heart race in panic or from excitement of her being so close? Being so weak?

Possibly, panic is what first overtook him, but as that washed away, his hands found their way to her shoulders. “I don’t know, Andy.” He was scared of her getting close to him, yet he knew just how scared she possibly was. Was the miscarriage finally hitting her? Is that why she had broken down into tears? No matter what her reasoning for not wanting to be alone was, Hoseok’s arms wrapped around her tight. “Okay, okay. You can stay with me for tonight.” His voice was just barely a whisper, not wanting to show his own insecurity regarding the situation. He’d only be hurt if he let her near.

After his promise for her to stay in his bed for the night, the two decided to finish the movie. Surprisingly enough, Andy sat close to him, though not enough so for them to touch. It was all the more awkward when they finally made their way to bed.

It had been years since they had been in bed together whilst sober. It was something foreign and weird to Hoseok. “What side do you want?” He asked before getting on the opposite of what Andy requested, leaning over to turn off the light. Was he supposed to acknowledge that she was laid beside him? This sort of thing was something that he had considered as intimate. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, Hoseok finally turned over to rest a hand on Andy’s hip. “Can you tell me why you don’t want to be alone?”

@hoseok His words caught her off-guard which was why her head turned to look at him this time. Nonetheless, her focus was back on the wall just as quickly as she didn’t want him to see her like this—in a weak, almost desperate state. He lied. She was sure that he lied about not hating her. It was a given that he would hate her, especially when he hated what she had done. She was the cause of it, so he had to hate her. Or did he actually tell the truth? No, it couldn’t be. Then again, her actions didn’t display who she was deep down, right? Her mind went crazy over the matter as she just couldn’t tell which version was correct.

“You stayed here the whole time?” Her voice was a whisper. Again, it was hard to believe just what he told her. Though, he was here by her side, he couldn’t have known when she would wake up. The way his thumb caressed over her hand felt strangely familiar from when they had shared fondness like this years ago. “They would.” She was relieved that Hoseok hadn’t said anything. It would have been so easy for him to ruin her life even more this way and still, he had decided not to.

Home. For a moment she was scared that he meant her parents’ place, that he would still reveal everything about the overdose and what Andy had done to him. He could easily give her the fault for ruining their marriage. Just now did she realize that it was actually stupid to think that her parents would pay for her lifestyle again after this. “I’m fine.” Andy reassured him about leaving the hospital. Either way, she didn’t want to stay here, she wanted to get as far away as possible from the thoughts about her miscarriage. “Keep an eye on me?” She repeated his words. “I’m not some kid that needs to be watched.” Andy grumbled even though Hoseok had already left the room. At least this meant that he had actually referred to his house and that her parents would hopefully never find out about this.

Slowly, Andy got out of the bed. Her body felt weak and exhausted but she managed to move. Her clothes from the night she had passed out at the club were placed on a small table in the room. They still smelt like weed and the smoke from cigarettes, which disgusted her, but there was nothing she could do about it. Hoseok returned to her room as she was dressed. As they left the building, she tried her best to hide her face just in case that anyone would recognize her. God. She didn’t even want to know what kind of articles were published about her again. Hopefully, no one had actually recognized her.

The car ride was awkward, quiet. She had nothing to say even though her thoughts were occupied with the miscarriage. Did Hoseok know? Had the doctor told him? Unconditionally, her hand rested on her stomach throughout the whole car ride while her eyes just focussed on the passing by buildings. Nonetheless, she just stared into space not actually paying attention to them.

The first thing he said as they entered the house was awkward. Andy had just taken the master bedroom back then without even asking him or giving him the chance to discuss. She had been so angry, so full of rage, something that almost seemed too stupid to her now. Images of how she had destroyed his stuff like a child throwing a tantrum flashed in front of her eyes. Still, Andy felt unable to say anything about it, she had yet to apologize for all the things she had done but it felt like she would never be able to do that. Especially her cheating on him was something that she just couldn’t voice. It would be better for them to never think about it again. The question still remained what they would do from now on, how they would act around each other and what their future would look like—if there even was one.

“It’s your house.” She finally answered. “Your house, your bedroom.” Hoseok was right about the shower. Putting on the smelly clothes hadn’t exactly helped with feeling clean and refreshed. “Do you mind if I shower in the master bathroom? I got used to that room.” It was a dumb question but Andy didn’t want to go anywhere else, didn’t want to feel like just a guest. Even with the stuff she had done, this house had still been her home for two months, something that she had gotten used to in a way.

It was unfamiliar to not have her stuff lie around in the master bedroom. She had kept her laptop on the nightstand and other small details revealed that her things had been removed and replaced, too. It didn’t matter, it was obvious that he would take over the room as it was the biggest and nicest bedroom in the house. Andy undressed herself in the bathroom placing her dirty clothes into the laundry basket. The hot water felt soothing against her skin. She hadn’t noticed just how tense her muscles were. Her thoughts shifted back to the night of the overdose. The days before that she had already taken quite a few drugs. God. Why hadn’t she just listened to her body? She had been so focused on ruining Hoseok’s life that she hadn’t even thought about seeing a doctor about her missed period. Only now did she think about it. Neither had she given much thought to her nausea as she hadn’t vomited even once, just felt a little odd, which could have been for whatever reason.

Once she was done with showering and washing her hair, Andy tried her best to push the thoughts away again, to bury them deep down in her mind. A box stood by the bed just like Hoseok had mentioned earlier. It was already evening and she wasn’t going anywhere anymore which was why she decided to wear her pyjama. After blow-drying her hair, Andy went back downstairs to see what Hoseok was up to. She couldn’t just avoid him and deep down she also didn’t want to stay alone in one of the bedrooms.

“Oh, you ordered food?” She asked as she saw the delivery bag on the kitchen counter. It reminded her of how they had never actually cooked dinner for themselves, at least not together. Andy didn’t know if Hoseok had used the kitchen as she had always gotten deliveries. She knew how to cook from her mom teaching her back then when she had still been interested into simple activities like that. However, a lot had changed for her with their break-up back then. They ate in almost complete silence. There was a bit of small talk but it was awkward as Andy had no real idea what to talk about to him. Back then it had been way easier but now she didn’t know what kind of stuff he was interested in, neither did he know those things about her. Andy had to admit to herself that she missed being close to him, missed knowing about his passions, his thoughts.

They spent the rest of the evening with a movie in the living room as it was less awkward to act like they were focused on the movie. It was their first night of actually spending time together in this house. It was far from perfect but still better than locking herself in the master bedroom. As Hoseok got ready for bed, Andy still stayed in the living room scrolling through her phone. The first picture showing up in her instagram feed was from an old friend from high school. Her friend’s husband knelt down and kissed her stomach. Oh no. The comments below proved Andy’s thought, something that Andy hadn’t wanted to see, not today out of all days. ‘Two months pregnant! I can’t wait to welcome our little baby into the world.’ She read the comment below the picture over and over again, read all the congratulations in the comments section. Unconditionally, her fingers dug into her stomach. It wasn’t the pain from pinching her stomach so forcefully that hurt her, it was the realization of her loss that creeped up on her once more. It was her fault, all her fault.

Instead of tears rolling down her cheeks, Andy was just as apathetic as she had been at the hospital. Though, she soon got a grip on herself. All she knew in that moment was that she didn’t want to be alone. She rushed upstairs and almost bumped into Hoseok, who must have been on his way back downstairs, in the hallway. For a moment she stared into his eyes without saying anything. However, her hesitation was soon broken as she pressed herself against Hoseok’s chest and curled her arms around his back. Andy held onto him so tightly as if she would fade away from existence if she didn’t. “I don’t want to sleep alone... c-can we share the bed?” It was a weak moment for her but Andy didn’t care about all the things that had happened between them, she just wanted to be held by him.

@andy It was no surprise that she never wanted to live there. Hoseok already knew. Andy had made a point to let him know each day that she made him absolutely miserable. Of course, he knew that message that she was trying to give this entire time, but he was doing this all for his parents, for the company. And maybe, just maybe, the tiniest shred of hope that she would stop, that she would notice his not reacting was because of his still loving her.

She didn’t have to say it, not confirm it. It hurt, despite his anger towards her, despite the fact that he followed her closely to slam and lock the door when she left the house, Hoseok still felt the pain of her leaving. Even though this time, it was he who threw her away from him, Hoseok felt the same as he did the day he ed up. If not worse. Why did he feel so betrayed over a woman that showed him every day that she ing hated him, that she would never give him the light of day? Why did the tears have to burn his eyes, his nose have to become stuffed up at the fact that she was leaving him once more?

Out of anger, Hoseok went to her, no, the room that was rightfully his, and tore it apart. All of her things, her clothes, computer, jewelry and more, were thrown on the floor in his fit. Perfumes shattered, filling the room with a suffocating scent. Her laptop broke in two, and her bureaus were tilted, her clothes strewn across the floor. After he took his anger out on her objects, Hoseok found himself outside in the lavish yard of the home, struggling with a box of cigarettes and a lighter.

It was a terrible habit that he had developed, although a rare one. Hoseok had started smoking around the age of nineteen due to high stress and developing depression. It put his mind at ease. Although, thankfully, he only goes through a pack or less in one year. Through college, of course, he had done so much more often as it was also a social thing he had done with friends. But now, it was something to pull his mind away. With a deep drag of his freshly lit bud, Hoseok stared up at the beautiful sunset.

How could it look so beautiful when he felt like such ?

***


Through the week, Hoseok busied himself with his job. With his constantly being stressed about “what’s next” he hadn’t been as productive as before. But now, he had no worries about the matter. Andy hadn’t been around, and even if she were, he had already changed the locks. He even hired a cleaning service to clean up the mess he made in the master bedroom, packaging her non-ruined things neatly. After the fourth day, Hoseok could finally relax in the largest bedroom in the house, using the bath to his heart's desire.

Even though he was more relaxed than he had been in the last few months, there was one thing that still tugged on his mind. Andy.

At this point, it was clear that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be happy with her. And she, well she would never love him. What was the point in pretending anymore? All he had to do was sign some papers, make her do the same...and enough was enough. If her family sued him for the company, then so be it. He had evidence enough that it was of due cause anyway.

Hoseok was sitting in his home office, signing the divorce papers when he received the call. “Is this Jung Hoseok?” A grim voice sounded on the other end of the line.

Hoseok shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Yes, why?”
“Your wife, Jung Andy. She is here at Asan Medical Center in Seoul...I am sorry sir, she had an overdose. We request that you give us permission to fully treat her.”

Hoseok's permission was given almost immediately. He rushed to the door, hanging up with the medical personnel on the line. The papers were left forgotten. Despite her cruelty towards him, despite her hatred, Hoseok could not leave it in his heart to leave Andy alone at the hospital. Even if she did not want it, he felt that she needed him in this situation.

He went over the speed limit to get there, they lived in the suburbs so it took some time to get to Seoul. And the traffic once he hit the city, the ing traffic. He beat the wheel in frustration, cursed out loud until he was able to pull into valet at the hospital and run inside.

It didn’t take long for them to direct him to Andy’s room. Her body look pale, unhealthy from her night with drugs. Why did she do that? Didn’t she want to be in control of herself? What was the point of being in rehab, what was the point of her being embarrassed over it? “Ah, you’re here. Please have a seat.” In his rush and blindness for Andy, Hoseok hadn’t noticed the doctor that stood in the room. With a silent nod, he sat down, his brown eyes never leaving Andy’s face. She looked like she was dead.

“A call was made from a nearby nightclub. She was found unconscious on the floor. Luckily, she came in time, so she will be okay...Did you know that she was pregnant, Mr. Jung?” At the question, Hoseok’s head shot up to look at the doctor. The man was old, slightly balding, but looked healthy and kind.

“No. No, I didn’t know.”

“Well, I am very sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I wish I could say congratulations, but due to the overdose, she miscarried. Did she possibly know that she was pregnant? Judging the size of the fetus, she would have only been about two months.”

Hoseok’s heart sunk, not only was she pregnant. But the time frame matched perfectly with their mistaken during their honeymoon. Was it possible she knew? Did she do it on purpose because it /was/ his? No, no, Andy had been cruel, but she always loved children. She wouldn’t have been disgusting enough to do that. Enough so to hurt him, but not to practically kill her own baby. “No, I don’t...I don’t think she knew. She would have said something.” Maybe then, she wouldn’t have done those things.

“I am sorry again, Mr. Jung. I will leave you alone with your wife.”

***
It felt like weeks past with how long Hoseok sat there, holding Andy’s hand. He would only leave her side to use the restroom or get something to eat when the nurses would usher him away to do so. He lived off of coffee in the couple of days that she was asleep, wanting to be awake when she did. Wanting to make sure she knew she had someone to support her.

She woke when his body couldn’t take it anymore, his hand still holding hers securely. Even in his sleep, he wanted her to know that he was there, that he was present even when unconscious. Of course, he just started to wake when the bad news arrived to Andy. Her silence on the matter made it clear that Hoseok’s guess was correct. Andy hadn’t known of the baby that grew inside of her, did not realize that something potentially precious was there.

He waited until the doctor left to open his eyes. His hand squeezed hers involuntarily, making her aware of his being awake. Her tone caught him off guard, just as much as her words. Why would it matter if he hated her, when she hated him? “I never once said that I hate you, Andy...I don’t think I could ever hate you. Just the things that you did.” His words were true. Although in his anger, Hoseok told himself he hated her, he found himself knowing that it was her actions he hated. He loved her, he knew that and he would always love her. Maybe his heart was stuck in the past.

“No. I came here right as the hospital called me. And I didn’t have time to make a phone call.” His thumb d over her hand. Should he tell her how desperately he wanted for her to wake? That all this time, he couldn’t think of doing anything else but sit and wait? “Besides, I know they would freak. You told me before that they used to, and I don’t think either of us need the dramatics right now. I will go sign your discharge paperwork if you’re ready to go home. They had said that you may when you wake. Are you feeling okay? Do you think you need more time here?” Home. It was his home, but he knew that Andy had nowhere else to go.

“I’ll work from home to keep an eye on you too. If that’s okay?” With that, Hoseok got up and left the room only to do as he had mentioned. It would be better for them to go home anyway. There would be less eyes on Andy. Hoseok was sure that she was on social media by now regarding her partying. Thus, as soon as they were able, they left the hospital, being as discreet as was possible.

Once they arrived home, Hoseok was tense. "I moved your things out of the master's. I can move out of there and go to a different room if you'd like." Hoseok didn't dare to bring up just why he did that, that he had destroyed her things in a fit. "I can take out your box of clothes for you to change, go shower for now. The nurses were only able to really give you a dry bath at the hospital."

@hoseok Everyday, Andy came up with something new to piss off her husband. Whether it was burning his clothes or destroying objects that were important to him. Nonetheless, there was never the reaction she had aimed for. He also never commented on her excessive shopping and the way she wasted all his money. Even after she had ed up his car by driving it against a street lamp, nothing had happened. Hoseok hadn’t filed for divorce and slowly Andy was out of ideas of how to make his life a living hell. She needed something more drastic, something that would hurt him so much that he wouldn’t want to be married to her anymore and would ignore his parents’ wishes.

After all, she planned to just do what he had done back then, she would just give him a taste of his own medicine. Andy had met the guy online through a dating-app, not quite her type but good-looking enough for her intentions.

Andy had calculated the time-frame in which Hoseok would return home. Thus, she had invited the guy over so that they would definitely be busy by the time Hoseok would return home. A smug grin was stuck to her lips as the doorbell resonated through the house. She didn’t even wait for any getting to know each other. Instead, she threw herself into his arms pulling him in for a passionate kiss. His lips were chapped and rough against hers, not quite the way she liked it.

The various pieces of their clothes were spread out in Hoseok’s bedroom like a trace to the bed. The man was positioned above her as he pushed into her. Andy moaned louder than she would have usually, just so that Hoseok would already be able to hear it when he came home. Images popped up in front of her eyes, how he had been with other women back in high school whenever he had told her that he was spending his time with some friends. He had been a liar, had smashed her heart to pieces. It was the right decision to do this, Andy believed.

As the door to the bedroom was pulled open, the man above her flinched in surprise while Andy had already heard the footsteps in the hallway. Her dark orbs sparkled in satisfaction as she sensed the shock---or was it desperation---in Hoseok’s face. She didn’t say anything as Hoseok pulled the man from her. All she did was get up from the bed as gracefully as possible in that kind of situation to collect her clothes from the floor. This had worked out fantastically, just like she had planned it to. However, it was the grip around her wrist that pulled her out of the bubble of her thoughts. At least she already had her underwear back on as she turned to glare at Hoseok.

“Don’t touch---” Andy wanted to hiss at him but was interrupted by his rage-filled voice. The smug look on her face vanished as his glare pierced through her. She sensed the rage not only in his voice but in his eyes just as much. Out of all the reactions that she had expected, this wasn’t it. His rage hadn’t been on her list. For a moment, fear rushed through her body and mind thinking that this was it, that he would maybe even choke her to death or something similar to that because of what she had done. Why did it affect him so much? She had expected him to be mad and hurt, yes, but more in the sense of him being speechless and leaving to then file for divorce. .

“Fine, I never wanted to live here anyways as you know!” Andy ripped her wrist from his hand and grabbed the last pieces of her clothes and her shoes before storming out of the room. The man she had ed with followed her but rushed past her to get out. She didn’t even consider going to her room and taking her stuff. Her parents would give them to her after the divorce. Then again, it wouldn’t even matter if Hoseok destroyed them.

Her steps turned into running once the door slammed shut behind her. She ran until she was two streets away from the house. Andy was out of breath, panting like crazy as she collapsed on the sidewalk. Suddenly, tears started to stream down her face, she couldn’t tell why her body had such a reaction. This had been her plan, her doing, why did she cry over it? ‘You ed up.’ A voice resounded in her head saying those words over and over again.

‘You ed up. You ed up. You ed up.’

Andy screamed as the voice didn’t stop, she fell back onto her back, the tears making her sight blurry. Luckily, no one was around to see her crying in her underwear while lying on the sidewalk like that. Maybe she really was crazy. It took several minutes for her to calm down, or more so to stop the excessive crying. By now, it were just tears rolling down her cheeks. She decided to finally put her clothes back on and then grabbed the purse next to her. At least she had still managed to take it with her before leaving the house so that she had her phone.

She dialed the number quickly, glad that he picked up his phone immediately. “Can you come pick me up?” It was an ex-lover that she had called, the one who belonged to her group of party friends. He had been the reason that she had gotten into drugs but it was exactly what she needed right now. Andy just wanted to forget, wanted to feel better again. “Send me your location, I’ll be there soon.” No questions asked, that was what she liked about him.

****

A week after the incident with Hoseok, Andy broke apart. She had partied night after night, drinking and taking drugs with her friends like there was no tomorrow. There really wasn’t. Nonetheless, it had been too much for her body to take. One night she collapsed on the dance floor, darkness encasing her and carrying her into what felt like another dimension.

The dreams that she had were awful, it was as if she relived her life, all the moments that were shown behind her eyelids were connected to Hoseok. Memories of their first kiss, her heartbreak back in the cabin after graduating. Her brain tricked her too by showing her beautiful moments that had never taken place. A wedding at which she had smiled, a honeymoon in which they couldn’t leave their hands from each other. God, they could have been happy, so ing happy.

Her head buzzed and it felt as if a thousand stones covered her body. Andy felt unable to move, almost unable to breath as the dreams faded. She woke up bit by bit. Her eyelids felt heavy but with all the strength that she had still left in her body, she managed to open them. A white ceiling was presented to her sight and the beep of a machine sounded next to her. Where was she? Her gaze travelled around the room, nothing seemed familiar. She wanted to move her right arm but couldn’t due to her body being overtaken by the exhaustion. Nonetheless, she managed to look down only to see that her hand was held. Her head shifted lightly to see the person who held her.

Andy’s eyes widened as she saw Hoseok sitting next to her bed. “Why...?” It was a mere whisper to herself. The man slept in what must have been the most uncomfortable position in the world. Suddenly, the door opened and a woman stepped inside, a nurse. Was she in a hospital? Why? “Mrs. Jung. How are you feeling?” The nurse asked as she walked over to check on Andy. She helped adjusting the backrest of the bed so that Andy was in a half-seated position without needing to hold her body in that position. She realized that Hoseok’s last name was still hers too but she didn’t give much thought to it. Her head still buzzed like crazy, way too much to have the energy to think about anything.

Soon after, the doctor came inside too, greeting her with the same last name. “Mrs. Jung, you had an overdose and were passed out for two days.” His voice was calm and friendly, it eased her slightly. She couldn’t know yet that his next words would crash her. “I am really sorry but I need to inform you that you had a miscarriage due to the overdose.” What? A miscarriage? The confusion was written onto her facial features and it was clear that she had no idea what the doctor talked about. “You were pregnant, Mrs. Jung. The baby was around two months old.”

An even heavier weight crashed down onto her. She stared at the doctor in disbelief as the shock of what he had just told her slowly settled in. Andy had been pregnant, she had lost her baby. Her thoughts travelled back to their drunken night during the honeymoon. Oh god, oh dear god. Another memory flashed up in her head, the time that Hoseok and Andy had discussed how they would marry one day, how they would have a beautiful baby. A lump formed in and for a moment she felt unable to breathe. She had ed up, ed up so badly. Unconsciously, her hand tightened around Hoseok’s which she still hadn’t let go of.

“I will check on you later again, you may want to discuss this with your husband.” With those words the doctor and the nurse left closing the door behind them. Andy just sat there in her bed quietly, her body was frozen, apathetic. She had lost her baby, all because of the rage that she had felt towards Hoseok, the anger that had eaten her up. They could have been happy, truly happy, a family just like they had always planned to.

Hoseok started to move in the chair next to her bed but Andy did not dare to look at him. Nonetheless, she didn’t let go of his hands for reasons that she couldn’t quite put into words. “Why are you here?” She whispered as she stared at the wall across the room. “I thought you hate me, wouldn’t want to see me again...” Her voice broke and faded out. It took a short moment for her to have her voice return. “Did you tell my parents about the---” It was hard to word it, the thoughts about the miscarriage occupying her mind, this voice in her head screaming at her that all this was her fault. “---overdose?”

@andy Why? Why was it that in her hungover state she clung onto him? Her gestures, the pained sound to her voice, it all made Hoseok’s heart clench. How was it that the woman who claimed she hated him acted this? It made the man hurt, he knew that she doesn’t really see him like this, that she had merely forgotten what had happened in the past. “Please. Please don’t do this to me, Andy,” Hoseok said in a weak voice. He couldn’t handle her loving demeanor, could not handle the way that she tried to pull him back into bed with her.

It was something that would terrorize him later when her head was cleared. It was neither fair to him nor her to cling onto her drunken feelings for him, ones that were stuck in the past. “I lied to you,” he said in response to her remembering his pronouncing his love for her during their heated session. “I lied. I don’t…” It was hard for him to force the lie to pass his lips. Never once did he stop loving her. Even in all these years, Hoseok could never stop thinking about the “what ifs”. But he knew she hated him with all of her being, and rightfully so. So why did she have to be stuck in the past? He shoved her away from him once more, this time more aggressively to the point that she fell back onto the pillows.

He stood and looked at her crying face. “You don’t love me either. You’re just drunk. So cut the crap. This won’t happen again, I promise you.” The words were cruel, but it needed to be said. The girl laying before him was just stuck in the past, clinging onto him with no recollection of what he had done to her. She hated him. He had to remember that she hated him.

***

The moment that the tattooed woman had sobered up, Hoseok’s harsh words to her proved true. She hated him and she made it known, acting as though she were the only one who had gotten drunk, as if he had taken advantage of the situation. Even when she hit him, Hoseok tried his best to show no reaction. What good was it to show that her words and actions hurt him? Instead, he merely agreed with her in order to make her tantrum stop. He allowed her to allow the rest of their time there to be miserable. It had been to the point that he felt as though it wouldn’t be a bad idea for him to get his own space.

But he had to do it for his parents, his mother asked him to, and even though he thought she was being selfish, he continued on.

The house was a decent size. Hoseok could have afforded something more extravagant, but at the time he didn’t know who he was marrying. Thus, he settled on the home before them. It was almost a mansion with its extravagance, but it was much too small to be considered so. He had bought the house with the intentions of not wanting to intimidate his new partner, and with the intention of possibly building a family. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen, not with Andy. He has already decided that he would live on in misery, childless, until his parents decided having their son be happy was more important.
He hated this silence.

The only time that Andy spoke was to make a snide remark once they were in the house. “I wasn’t planning on staying in the same room as you anyway,” he said in a soft tone, trying his hardest to ignore her rude one. Even-so Hoseok couldn’t help but take in a sharp breath in response to her stating that that night was his fault, that she was not the one who began the indecent touching. Yes, it had gotten out of hand, he allowed himself to fall into her touch when he shouldn’t have. Yes, it was his fault for also getting drunk to the point of blindly having an intimate night, but it was also hers. “Yeah, got it. Noted. I don’t drink often anyways, I am usually working.”

He went into the room to do just as she requested, tossing his things into a box and dragging them out. He hated this, and in this moment he had a small shred of hating her. How could a person live in such a bubble where they think they do no wrong? He agreed that he was at fault in his own actions, but wouldn’t she be at fault too? Did she not realize that he was already kicking himself for that mistake? “Don’t go in my room either,” he mumbled, more so to himself than for her to actually hear him.

Hoseok selected a room on the other side of the house, wanting to be as far from her as possible. It was stupid, he knew, but he felt a sense of security with feeling like he just lived on his own. Although, it was quite lonely. How was he supposed to live his life like this? What if his parents tell him to live on “for them”.

In distress, he dropped himself on the made bed of his new room, not even motivated to unpack.

***

Days, weeks, months went by since they had moved in together, since they had gotten married. Hoseok often found himself stuck at work, both from his workload increasing from the fusing of the companies and from his fear of going home. He knew that every day it was something new, whether it was destroying albums in his room, his electronics, clothes and even his car, or her sarcastic words that she threw at him. His home was no longer seen as somewhere to relax. His bedroom was never untouched. He never knew what she wanted. She spent his money like water too, what could he do to make her stop making her feel like this? And just why, why did he still cling on, hoping that she would hold him and say everything is okay, that she didn’t mean it? Why did he still love her, despite telling himself countless times that he didn’t.

The office was the only place he could seek refuge and he hated it. But he had to go home at some point, it was not like he could live in the office.

Tonight was just the same, the exhaustion, the fear of returning home. At least he had learned to bring his most prized possessions to work with him, that way Andy’s hands could not reach them.

The house was strangely quiet as he entered, nothing was out of place. Odd. Typically, something was in his view when she wanted to mess with his head. “Hello?” He called, carrying his work bag in the house with him, making his way to his room. If she was out shopping, that was fine. It would give himself time to relax, to finally unwind.

That thought made him happy and distracted him enough to not hear the sounds coming from his room. It was the clothes that was strewn on the floor when he opened the door that made his heart pound. His dark eyes followed the trail to the bed, taking in the intimate position she was in with another man. “What is wrong with you?” He whispered. Tears threatened to break through, his eyes and nose burned. Why...it was obviously out of spite, what she was doing. Why did she have to do this to him?

“Get out,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. His bag had dropped to the floor when they didn’t move from their positions.

Anger swelled in him, everything else he could take. He could live on with that, ignore it as best as he could. But to blatantly go into his private space, to have herself spread for someone on his bed. He knew that she wanted him to see. He couldn’t help himself when he pulled the man back, throwing him onto the floor in the process. He wanted them out, he wanted them to get out. He didn’t care if it meant they were to leave as they were. “Wh-what, who?” He heard the man stutter, already seeing them get their clothes together.

It was the smug look on Andy’s face that finally did it. She was proud of herself, representing herself like a to hurt him. His fingers wrapped around her wrist in a vice-like grip. His fingers were white as he dragged her up from the bed and towards the doorway of his room. “Get out of my house.”

The moment he started to hear her respond, he interrupted, the anger much more evident in his voice. “Get out of my ing house!” The glares that she had gave him before were nothing compared to his own. Hoseok had let her trample on his life, his whole being. But he had enough of the bull. He couldn’t take her anymore.

@hoseok She was ripped from her dreams rather abruptly as her position in the bed was being shifted. Her head pounded like crazy and it didn’t get any better as she tried to open her eyes and adjust them to the light. Her mind was still half-asleep though it was mostly because of the alcohol still affecting her. She wasn’t sober yet, sleeping had changed nothing. “Hoseok...” She groaned as her eyes finally adjusted to the light. His words rushed over her like a tsunami and she didn’t manage to quite process what he tried to tell her.

“Why are you sorry?” She whispered. Andy wanted him to look at her but his head was rested in his palms and he didn’t look at her. The female didn’t understand what was going on, why he had stopped holding her. She sat up on the bed as well not caring about being completely covering nothing but her legs. “What do you mean it won’t happen again?” Her voice sounded like she was sober while what she said clearly signalized that she wasn’t.

Andy wrapped her arms around Hoseok as she tried to pull him in for a hug but she got pushed away. The situation overwhelmed her. Tears started to form in the corners of hers as she stared at him. “Why are you pushing me away?” She sobbed, the tears now rolling down her cheeks. “What did I do wrong?” Andy had no explanation as to why he didn’t want this anymore all of a sudden. The last night had clearly showed what they felt for each other, why was he being cruel now? “You said you love me, Hoseok... why don’t you want me?” Andy sobbed even more this time trying to hold onto him once more but it let to being pushed away again.

She couldn’t handle it, frustration and sadness overtook her all due to the alcohol still ruling over her. Andy would have never reacted this way in a sober state, of course it had been a mistake but she didn’t realize that just yet. “Don’t you love me anymore?” She cried, her eye bags were already lightly swollen from the tears and her lips trembled. The only time she had ever actually felt this hurt had happened in this cabin too, back then when she had figured out that Hoseok had cheated on her. Her drunken state found the situation now just as painful.

****

The rest of the honeymoon had been awful. Once she had been sober, Andy had freaked out at what had happened, gone as far as slapping him right across the cheek so hard that it had left a print shortly. The night should have never happened, she should have never gotten as drunk to lose all control over her body. After the realization had hit her, Andy had stopped speaking to Hoseok and went into a state of ignoring him, acting like he didn’t exist. The only times she spoke to him was to yell at him to leave her alone.

All she wanted was to file for divorce and get away but she had no chance to do that. The only way to get away was to piss off Hoseok so much that he would end up hating her and file for divorce himself. Her parents wouldn’t be able to say anything then. Andy had already made various plans how to turn his life into a living hell.

The drive from the airport was quiet. Andy had no idea yet where she was going to live from now on, all she knew was that she would be forced to live in the same house with Hoseok. Her parents kept an eye out if she actually did. Either way she wasn’t able to afford an apartment to live in as her parents had emptied her bank account beforehand. ing hell. Andy had freaked out when the store at the airport had declined her credit card. She was mad at everyone, the world had clearly turned against her.

Quite a while later the taxi stopped and Hoseok’s words reached her, something about being there. Andy looked out of the window seeing her new home for the first time. The house seemed to have a decent size, at least it looked big enough so that they could both stay in different areas of the house and not run into each other. Andy got out of the car and stopped on the sidewalk. She didn’t have a key and Hoseok was busy taking the suitcases from their honeymoon out of the trunk from the taxi.

Still not saying a word, Andy followed him to the front door with her arms crossed in front of her chest and then inside after he had unlocked it. The hallway was huge and modern. She inspected every detail and had to admit that Hoseok’s taste wasn’t too bad. Andy would have chosen a house like this too but that still didn’t make it a home to her. After inspecting the hallway she made her way into the living room and dining area. It still all looked a lot like her style. Big stairs seemed to lead to the second floor where the bedrooms must have been located.

As Hoseok entered the living room too, she turned around to look or more so glare at him. “I want the master bedroom. Don’t you dare to ever step inside of it. You better have your drive under control when you get drunk because I will not hesitate to kill you if you ever lay your hands on me again.” Her voice was dangerously calm, not even close to yelling. “The only time you may enter my room is right now to take your stuff out of it since I assume that our parents put them there.” Her glare became even darker the longer she stared at him.

@andy Things had heightened quickly, they had gotten to the point where there was no turning back. He was already in her, ing her in what his drunken state could only describe as “ that’s heavenly”. Her tattooed hands traveling over his now bare best and stomach made his body tense in pleasure, wanting not only more of her touches, but wanting to put even more force into his sporadic s. A few times the male nearly slipped out of her due to their position but, thankfully, each time Hoseok was able to catch himself.

It was as if this whole thing wasn’t wrong, as if they hadn’t had a major hiccup in their relationship. Although he enjoyed every second of if, relishing every moan, groan and lewd sounding words that Andy produced, there was something eating at the back of his mind saying, ‘No, please don’t do this to yourself.’ Of course, with the amount of alcohol that he had consumed, he could not for the life of him understand just why he should stop before he came. “God, you’re beautiful,” he said, the words much more clear than his previous statements.

And she was, the way her body took him, the looks of absolute bliss that developed across her features each time he hit her right, the way her lips parted with each moan. God, she was a ing masterpiece, something that he wouldn’t up for the world. “Oh, Andy,” he moaned her name in such a quiet, breathy tone, to show her how much he wanted her, needed her. And to show just how close he was from releasing his load. Unfortunately, his drunken state didn’t think to pull out and it did not help that mere seconds before he exploded, her body clenched around him so tight that he became lightheaded.

Andy was dripping of his as he carried her away. His pants were kicked off, leaving him with his length hanging freely out of his briefs as he settled Andy’s body onto the bed. His tongue played with the piecing on her plump, lower lip. She soon fell asleep like that, in his arms. They were dirtied sweaty, and reeked of alcohol. But possibly this was the happiest that Hoseok had felt in nearly a decade. If only his drunken mind didn’t think that it was all real.

***

He awoke with a raging headache, dry mouth and an extremely sore body. It felt as though he ran laps around a track for hours, but remembering the course of the events from the night before, Hoseok knew that it could only be the alcohol and what he remembered, very rough . He thought nothing of it at first, his hangover brain not quite processing it. That is, not until his arms tightened around a warm, obviously body. His eyes flew open once the realization overtook him and guilt squeezed at his heart.

Ripping away from her, Hoseok sat up, pulling away from the thigh that was on him. That shouldn’t have happened, they shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake, one that didn’t mean anything to Andy, one that would probably only make her hate him more. Now he knew why he had doubts while ing in her, why every cell of his body screamed for him to not do it...He wished he could forget how he felt while loving on her.

His head was rested in his palms, elbows on his thighs as he tried to process just what was happening. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let myself get drunk.” His voice was shaky, as he spoke of his apologies as soon as he heard Andy stir. He knows that last night he told her he loved her, that she would probably freak on him in response to her finally processing what happened. God, he wanted to die. “I promise, it won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”

@hoseok “Don’t act like this is my fault.” She hissed. “If you wouldn’t have cheated on me with her back in high school, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Andy wanted to hit him with her words, have him feel the backlash of his former actions, even if Andy herself didn’t really want to think about that part. God, she had been in so much pain because of this head who walked next to her. It really shouldn’t have ended up like this. Her life would be way easier without him, maybe even easier if she would have never met him in the first place. At least the pain wouldn’t have haunted her for weeks of crying.

The alcohol in her system eased her emotions as they pretended to be happily in love. Nonetheless, the first few touches and kisses burned on her skin, his hands and lips weren’t supposed to be on her. God, how could it feel so wrong and still every kissed left a tingling sensation behind? Just the alcohol, just the alcohol, at least she tried to make herself believe that. Siyeon was a and Andy was glad that Hoseok handled the conversations, all she would have end up doing was slicing open.

Her whole attention lay on his words as he talked about how they loved each other. The alcohol had her think that yes, maybe they could have ended up like that. Happily in love and enjoying their youth at the same time. Though, the broken little girl from back then would have never agreed to that. She wasn’t able to love him again, ever. “We had a wonderful time while still just being there for each other.” Andy added to Hoseok’s words with a smile on her lips as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. Should she have become an actress? Even drunk, or maybe specifically when drunk, she managed to play that role of the lovey-dovey life.

She joined into Hoseok’s laugh after the legs comment even though she was already a little spaced out by now. “Good job!” She cheered, clinking their glasses together after Siyeon had disappeared. Her thoughts were quiet on their way back to the hut. She even found herself leaning against Hoseok slightly while walking. It was just because of not wanting to tumble from the alcohol in her system, obviously.

The wine was tasty just like the drinks from before and Andy found herself more and more slipping into the happy, flirty vibe. “To legs!” She cheered with Hoseok and grinned. Andy was still as touchy as she was in the bar, running her hands along his arm and pressing random playful kisses to his neck. By the time she was pressed against the kitchen counter in a passionate kiss, everything about their past had blacked out. It was just Hoseok and her sharing this one sensual moment, nothing but the present seemed to matter. The only thing that Andy really remembered was that this was the exact same place where she had lost her ity. It was almost as if they were pulled back into the past before everything had broke apart.

The kisses had her body burn from the intensity of their touches. Her folds were wet by now and even left a light stain on her underwear from her juices. Not that it matter, Andy was stripped out of her clothes soon anyways. She ripped Hoseok’s shirt from his body, running her hands along his abs mindlessly as she was still caught up in the kisses that he captured her in. Had they ever kissed this passionately before? It felt as Andy’s newly found skills from the last few years showed up, she had been more clumsy back then.

The love confession reached her ears but her mind was clouded by the alcohol so that she didn’t give any negative thought to it. Of course he would love her, they had always loved each other, right? “Ngh...” The moan escaped her lips as he pushed inside her. God, the last time someone had ed her was over six months ago leading to her folds being wrapped tightly around his from not being stretched in a long while. “Feels so good... ngh...” She moaned as he ed into her once more. The cold marble against her cheeks soon felt hot from the overall heat that she felt. God, this was perfect, she hadn’t felt that good in so long.

Her lips found their way to his neck, she on his skin her marking him as her husband---delayed wedding night. Andy rolled her hips while he pushed into her hitting the sweet spot that had her feel high from pleasure. Even after just a short while she felt close to coming with the intensive pleasure that he evoked in her body. “...” She groaned as his speed seemed to intensify even more. Andy had her arms wrapped around his shoulders, tightly holding onto him as her body pulsated. It only took two more s for her to come with a moan that was close to a scream of pleasure. Her body fell against his chest as the waves of pleasure rushed through her. She felt his warm fill her up as she caught his lips for another kiss, one that was softer this time.

Her legs wrapped around his body and she held onto him like a monkey as he carried her over to the bed where he placed her on the soft mattress and lay down next to her. Andy wasn’t able to form any words as the alcohol and pleasure clouded her like a sweet fantasy. The only thing she managed to do was roll on her side and snuggle against Hoseok. She had forgot everything about their past, all she wanted was to be close to him as a wave of tiredness had her drift off to sleep.

@andy “How the hell am I supposed to fake it when you decide to do that?” Why was everything supposed to be his fault? His fault the got married, they were to have dinner with an ex-side piece, and now for the kiss? Hoseok would have gotten angry if it weren’t for Andy’s next choice of words. “Won? Won what? There is nothing to win in this situation.” Winning...was she talking about him?

Was it much of a surprise to the man that Andy was a party-girl? No, not really. All throughout their childhood, she had those innocent, good girl vibes and always did whatever was asked of her. It was rare for her to go against her parents wishes or even do something remotely “naughty”. Of course Andy would have this phase at some point. Although, her tattoos made it be one that would be hard to forget. Would she ever walk away from her party days then? She would always have the visuals of a party girl now.

“You what?” Drugs. He hadn’t even considered the fact that Andy would delve that deep into the party life. He knew people that had, but most had become addicted to the point of no return. And some of those people, he had always suspected to walk down a path no befitting of a person. But Andy...he had thought she would be smarter than that. “But...you’re their only child, Andy. Of course they’d freak out,” he managed to say before she demanded for him to not comment on the matter. Why tell him this part of her life, if he could not even show an emotion regarding it? Why would she of all people turn to drugs?

“Fine, yeah I guess it’s none of my business.” He said out loud, despite hearing how loud her music was. There was no point in speaking to her about something that she obviously wasn’t going to elaborate on. But why, why drugs? Wouldn’t it have been better to just have a drinking problem? Maybe it was a weight thing? Alcohol makes one gain weight while drugs it off of a person as it slowly deprives them of their life. “I am just glad that you’re safe now.” Whether she heard him or not, it wasn’t like it mattered. What he said wasn’t important to her and she already made that clear.

Although he had woken up not long ago, Hoseok fell asleep rather quickly after putting away the wine. Was this how their trip will end up? Constantly sleeping on the floor, just inches away from the kitchenette?

****

“You’re one who agreed to this,” Hoseok responded to Andy in a heated manner. How was she going to act like they got into this because of him? He would have been just fine with telling Siyeon off, asking her to leave them alone. And Siyeon would have known why. The woman may have come here with a man, but Hoseok knew her all too well. She was called legs in highschool all because she knew just how to spread them. For both students and teachers.

Hoseok undid a button of his salmon-colored shirt, sighing in annoyance. He just wanted this night to be over with, to not have to pretend that Andy was in love with him. That they were so happy together, when it was clear that she wasn’t anywhere close to happy. And to make matters worse, they were in the presence of Siyeon, a woman who had eyes like a hawk. Any slip-ip she would catch onto it. “ me,” he muttered when he saw the girl sitting there looking all smug. She knew something was up, and ing hell he needed a drink in order to get through the night.

Much to his luck, Andy ordered plenty for them, enough for her to be drunk enough to touch him constantly and for him to be slightly buzzed, maybe even tipsy. Each kiss, each touch made him feel like he were in a dream. Andy was certainly doing it for show, right? Why must he react to it in such a needy way? His mind craved the affection despite his body telling him no.

Siyeon’s question caught him by surprise, but despite his intoxicated head being a bit muddled, Hoseok responded rather quickly. “Of course we stayed together this whole time. We always loved each other. But we also understood that we had our youth to enjoy and agreed to an open relationship until we were married. When you’re with someone this long,” Hoseok smiled and looked at Andy, pushing her hair out of her face. “You understand all their needs, even if it means doing something that’s initially uncomfortable at the time.” Hoseok wondered how he could hurt Siyeon, just like his relationship was hurt. “Ah...right. You wouldn’t know that would you? You always only knew how to spread your legs huh. Nobody ever loved you, I forgot.” To add insult to injury, Hoseok laughed. The laugh became genuine with the alcohol causing him to flush and much to his delight, Siyeon shrieked and forced her ‘lover’ to leave with her.

“ is gone,” he said through laughter before standing up himself. “Let’s go back, I don’t like the vibe here.”

Finally back in the hut, Andy and Hosoek decided to have a celebratory drink with the wine that was left in the fridge from the night before. Maybe it was the alcohol from before that made them agree to doing such a thing, or maybe it was their genuine desires. Siyeon was a menace that they had gotten rid of, and it felt so damn good.

“To Legs,” Hoseok joked, clinking his wine glass against Andy’s in a toast. It was like old times, when they were able to joke and flirt randomly. Of course, with the more alcohol that they ingested, the more okay they seemed to be in the presence of each other. Much so to the point that they found themselves in a passionate kiss by the kitchen counter. Possibly it was due to their being in this place before, that their first intimacies were in this very house that their hands d and touched each other. Back when things were so simple, where all they worried about was possibly their parents walking into their shared hut midthrust.

Now, with the alcohol clouding Hoseok’s judgement, there was no reason for them to not do this. To his drunken brain, he thought “it’s okay, we’re adults now, no getting caught.” He couldn’t think much else other than than to pick the smaller women up and rest her on the counter as their tongues intertwined. “Ilub yehou” He drunkenly drawled against her lips. He was being impatient now, his hips grind both against her and the counter, wanting more than anything to screw her right there.

In his impatience, and Andy’s drunkenness, she was soon stripped of her clothing, allowing her to rest on the, what looked like, marbled counter top. Hoseok didn’t even think to prepare her, not in the state he was in, his shoving into her tight entrance. “, Andy,” he groaned as he pushed her back, the movement causing him to be able to push in right up to the hilt, his hip bones pressed deliciously against her cheeks.

This was where the fun began.

@hoseok Andy tried her best to forget all thoughts that were connected to the kiss that she just had seconds ago with the man she despised to pretend in front of a woman whose head she wants to rip off. What a ing crazy world she lived in. She heard what he muttered as Siyeon had already forced herself on them. There was no way to get out of this but for once the ex-lovers seemed to feel alike, both hating the situation that they found themselves in. Andy threw death glares at Siyeon as she hugged Hoseok, her comment leading to Andy’s blood boiling from all the anger she felt. ing .

Once Siyeon left, Andy could finally stop playing her role, her facial features drifting back into a glare as Hoseok asked that question about the kiss. “Do you want to die?” She growled as she stared at him. Asking her about the kiss had her feel even more rage. “You didn’t do a great job at faking it, so I had to lead. Plus, that deserves to see that I ing won.” Her last sentence slipped from her lips before she could even think about it, leaving her no chance to take it back. It sounded completely wrong, almost as if she wanted to be with Hoseok which was an absolute lie. She wanted to get as far from him as possible. She ignored her own words, knowing that elaborating on them would only make it worse.

“Tabloids?” She asked a bit dumbfounded since she had almost forgotten about Siyeon mentioning them. “It’s nothing.” Andy said. Nothing that she wanted to talk about. She wasn’t sure if Siyeon had meant those about her party life or rather the things that had been published after her big scandal, the thing that had led to her parents forcing her to marry Hoseok. God, she really didn’t want to think about. “You don’t care? Then you don’t need to know.” She said. However, she nodded at his suggestion rather quickly. Wine would make it look like they wanted to attend a more private place especially when they had the whole bottle.

Once they had the bottle, they made their way away from the bar back to their cabin where Siyeon couldn’t disturb them, even though it meant that both of them would need to stay there together. On their way there, Hoseok insisted to hear about the tabloids because he would need to know for their meeting with Siyeon. Andy sighed. She really didn’t want to talk about, it was better for Hoseok to not know of anything to keep her face. Hoseok would judge just like her parents had, everyone other than her party friends.

“Just google my name and you’ll find everything that you’re looking for.” Andy said once they entered their suite. She took out her phone and typed in her own name before holding it out to Hoseok. “Take a look.” However, he refused and it only had her sigh in frustration. She sat down on the bed and had her back hit the pillows as she stared on her phone, seeing various headlines and pictures of herself on those tabloid websites. Andy pondered if she should say anything at all and if she did, what was there that she should reveal?

“They all talk about my party life, I guess they can’t handle that even people from the upper class like to dance and drink.” Andy scrolled quite far back as she was surprised at all the headlines and articles that had been published during the last six months. They hadn’t allowed her to have her phone and Andy hadn’t cared about looking herself up until now. It was all about her disappearance, speculations about her therapy.

“I had an overdose, around half a year ago. It was nothing special but the news pushed it and my parents freaked out just because I had been sent to the hospital after passing out at that one club. They went crazy but I didn’t die so I don’t get why they made such an huge issue out of it.” Andy tried to say as nonchalantly as possible. “You better don’t make a huge thing out of this, I have dealt with people going crazy about it for long enough, I’m sick of hearing everyone’s comments about it. It’s none of anyone’s business.”

Andy decided that it was enough of what he needed to know. “Now mind your own business.” She growled as she turned to have her back face towards him. She tuned out the world and her thoughts with the music that streamed through her headphones only seconds later.

****

The next evening, it was time to meet up with Siyeon at the bar. Andy didn’t want to go there and meet the but she knew that they had to play their role and there was no way to get out of this anymore, Siyeon had made sure of that. She dressed herself in a beach outfit as that were all the clothes that she had brought to their honeymoon. What else would be needed on the Maldives?

Close to the bar, Andy took Hoseok’s hand to make themselves look like the happy couple that they pretended to be. “We won’t stay longer than an hour or so, got it? I’m not in the mood in to deal with her so you better think of something to get us out of there quickly.” They ordered drinks at the bar and already saw Siyeon and the guy from yesterday sit at one of those lounge tables. She waved at them like a child wanting attention and Andy was already pissed before even hearing her voice. The was as annoying as Andy had expected her to be, asking them questions that were none of their business and always referring back to the tabloids or just some stupid that she came up with about their high school years.

Andy kept ordering drinks as she wanted to drown out the other woman by being drunk, no one could handle that sober. By now, she had lost count of her drinks and the ones that she ordered for Hoseok. A good wife ordered drinks for her hubby, right? Andy tuned out most of what Siyeon said as she only made sure to lean against Hoseok once in a while, run her hands through his hair or even kiss him. However, one sentence caught attention, she knew that Siyeon wanted to corner them with it. “Oh, before I met Chan, I’ve seen Andy go wild at the clubs more than once. Didn’t you two say that you were in a relationship this whole time? Seems like you are really just faking it.”

@andy Hoseok was surprised by the ease and the quickness that Andy took to lean against him. Despite his knowing that it was all for show, his heart couldn’t help but skip a beat. Even during their “first dance” at the wedding, their bodies had not been so voluntarily close together. Her bare skin pressed against his, causing him to go quiet, to let her do all the talking.. ‘Damn it, don’t feel this way. You can’t do that to yourself,’ he thought to himself. Sure he possibly still had feelings for Andy, and he was the reason for their end. But did he deserve to also become hurt because such a simple and fake gesture made his heart flutter?

Such a shame for his body and mind to react in such a way when he knew she was glaring at him every second that they had walked.


A “loving” smile formed on his face in response to Andy’s boasting about his proposal. Funnily enough, Hoseok still had yet to do much traveling outside of business, his cheeks turned a tinge of pink with the realization that if Paris was mentioned...he’d have no idea what to say. Thankfully, the blush could be seen as being a bit giddy from the talk of the proposal, his confusion shoved deep down. It would be best if he at least /pretended/ to know what was going on. Hoseok really could not risk Siyeon finding out that they were in a very strictly business related marriage. Who knows what would happen if that got around.

It was as if all of his muscles in his body told him to get away. That the seemingly loving touch from Andy was more a threat than anything. But his mind told him to stay, to see what she was to do next, to allow her plump lips to press so softly against his. Allow the sensual way her teeth bit on his lower tier. His hand subconsciously fell to her waist, holding it in such a delicate manner.

The kiss was a bit foreign to him, at least, when coming from Andy. It felt just as nice as all the other kisses that they had shared. His chest tightened, his head felt light. But the metal piece from her piercing is what kept Hoseok grounded to reality. The hard bud pressed into his sensitive flesh, making him remember just how much had changed between the two and allowed him to remember...this was not real. This was a kiss from an Andy putting up a front, one that hated him inside and out. There was no point or reason to feel so...overjoyed with her kiss.

“I think it is better if w-” Hoseok tried to elude having to go for drinks with Siyeon. Not only did it make him feel uncomfortable to be around the girl he ed around with which helped his relationship fall to ruins, but Hoseok knew that he could not guarantee that he will say something right. However, it was already decided, before he could really speak up, to go out the following night instead.

“,” he said under his breath, just quiet enough for only possibly Andy to hear before Siyeon hugged them both. He couldn’t help but tense at the touch.

“Oh my, you should really loosen up. Maybe get a nice massage,” Siyeon said with a wink. God, he already knew what that woman was up to, despite her coming to the island with a man.

Hoseok let out a soft sigh, his hand finally leaving Andy’s waist. “Why did you do that?” He asked, mainly about the kiss. “There are plenty of ways to fake it, you know...I don’t...” Should he finish his sentence? ‘I don’t want to feel something for you.’ Or would that make it harder? Admitting that there was something there. Hoseok’s hand ran through his hair as they made their way to the bar. Although he was a bit too annoyed to drink at the moment, it was something that was highly needed.

“And what tabloids are you two speaking of?” He asked in a hushed tone once they got to the bar, a smile forcing onto his face so that to passerbys, his whispering would seem like something sweet...or possibly a bit vulgar. “If...you were…” Hoseok took a quick glance over Andy’s body once more with a sigh. “Nevermind. I don’t care what those tabloids are about. But I need to know what they are, in case Siyeon mentions them again. If I don’t know of them, then our lie is much more obvious. Right?” Hoseok gestured to the bartender to come closer, pulling a bill from his wallet. “What do you drink, Andy? Would a bottle of wine work? We are more likely to get away with a bottle, and let them believe we’re trying to um...have fun.”

@hoseok The sudden voice behind her startled her. She flinched, even more so as she realized just who it was. She should have expected this. “Can’t you leave me alone?” She groaned in annoyance not even looking up at him. Her eyes were fixated on the sea in front of them. He had found her way too early, she would have preferred not seeing him until she would have needed to return to the cabin at night. “Pretending? Sounds like a game kids would play. I have reasons, yes, but I don’t see any need in spending time with you.”

Disappointed. She didn’t care about disappointing them but she cared about her money, her luxurious life. It was all that she had. Pretending seemed like something she really had to do. She hated this, hated that she had to be here, hated that Hoseok was right. She had a role to play at least for a certain amount of time until she got rid of him again. Andy had several plans for how she would make his life a living hell once they would return from their honeymoon. Reluctantly, Andy got up from her spot in the sand brushing the sand from her thighs before following Hoseok. Her arms were crossed the whole time clearly showing him just how much she hated this.

The whole time her gaze was a glare piercing through his back. It intensified even more whenever he turned back to look at her. She wanted to comment on it but decided not to as talking to him was even worse. Her eyes examined him. There was nothing much to look at with his back facing her. He was definitely more muscular than back then, not only his back but his thighs too. In all honesty, Hoseok had matured into the kind of man that she was attracted to these days, physically at least. Everything else about him was what she despised most. She would never forget, never forgive what he had done to her.

Suddenly her hand was held by his and she stood next to him. Andy had been lost in thoughts and hadn’t noticed the voice calling out to them until a woman of her height stood in front of them. That ing . It took her all her self-control not to jump at her and choke her to death. Siyeon. The very same girl that had ended their relationship. If it wasn’t for her face, Andy would have recognized those fake s anywhere. . Why did that dare to even be around now? Rage boiled in Andy but she stood their quietly thinking about just what would be the best way to show her superiority.

As if a switch had been flipped in her body, Andy leaned against Hoseok, a loving smile overtaking her lips. “Fake? It was always clear that Hoseok and I would marry one day, isn’t that right, honey?” As for now, pretending didn’t seem to be as bad. Andy wanted to show Siyeon just who was the winner in this. Even if all this hadn’t been what Andy wanted, she could still use it to fight against that . “You should have seen his proposal, it was so romantic. I still can’t believe that we flew all the way to Europe for it. Have you ever been to Paris, Siyeon? It truly is the city of love.” Andy chuckled in what showed off her happiness.

She turned her body slightly to look at Hoseok, her hand moved onto his cheek and for a short moment she just stared into his eyes. They hadn’t kissed at the wedding, they hadn’t kissed the last eight years. It had to be as convincing as possible, right? Andy tiptoed for her lips to meet his. Her eyes closed the moment they met, the feeling was just as soft as it had been back then. It was as if sparks glowed between them, a tingling, nervous feeling took over Andy as she on his lower lip ever so slightly. For a moment she forgot how old they were, forgot where they were, forgot everything that had happened. It was as if the kiss pulled her back to when she had been eighteen, when they had been in love.

Andy pulled back. This was crazy. God.

“Sorry, I still can’t leave my lips from his.” She smiled. Her expression returned to a soft one as she looked back at Siyeon who seemed to be just as dumbfounded as Hoseok must have been. “Tabloids only like to portray gossip, don’t you think, Siyoen? I changed quite a lot, there’s no need to worry about us.” Andy looked back up at Hoseok. “We should leave, honey. Didn’t we want to go for some drinks?” She asked with a sweet voice. “We should go for drinks together and catch up!” Siyeon suddenly exclaimed. . Andy hadn’t expected this. “Ah sorry, it’s just our first day here and we want to spend the time alone.” Even with that Siyeon didn’t seem to back down. “Fine, then let’s meet up at the bar tomorrow. No excuses, you have to come.” With that, Siyeon even dared to move closer and hug each of them as a goodbye. Andy wanted to ing kill her but of course she couldn’t.

“What a ing fake .” She groaned lowly. Siyeon and that guy who must have been her boyfriend went to the beach bar. Andy and Hoseok had no chance but to go there too as Andy had mentioned that they would go for some drinks. “Seems like she will watch us until we return to our suite. Let’s go have some drinks, h o n e y.”

@andy Hearing her snide comment in response to his stating his maturity made Hoseok grit his teeth. Who was she to doubt that? Andy hadn’t seen him in years, hadn’t interacted with him on her own accord. If he hadn’t matured, Hoseok definitely would not be looked at as trustworthy by his parents. If he had continued on with his immature ual antics (which of course he had every-so-often, but without strings) then he would have gotten himself into trouble. The older he was and the more successful the company became, the more eyes were on him. If he were to up, all of Asia would see. Was Andy some sort of test to that? Nobody would take it seriously if she mentioned what he had done when they were in highschool. They were still considered kids at the time. And all he hurt was her feelings and his happy future with her.

Hoseok lay in silence for awhile, waiting for Andy to do something, anything. The tension was thick in the air, causing Hoseok’s body to involuntarily tense up. And despite his being the one mentioning sleep, Andy’s slow and heavy breathing made it clear that she had done so before him. He lifted himself from his position in his makeshift bed, taking a peek at her now relaxed body. Andy had truly changed since high school. She became more beautiful looking with her matured features, but also was definitely more daring.

Back then, Hoseok never would have imagined a good girl like her to end up covered in tattoos. Was it because of him, or did she just come out of her shell? Andy was never the type to want to draw attention to herself, but with her stunning looks, it was definitely harder for others to not look at her. It was strange yet intriguing, seeing this change. If only he had not ed up then, if she had no reason to hate him. Then he would be able to actually enjoy her knew style.

When he woke, Andy was no longer in the room that they shared. The white walls were bright with the sunlight that seemed to blast through the windows, causing him to squint and look at the time on his phone. It was just a few minutes passed four o’clock, causing him to groan in frustration. He had only meant to sleep for a couple hours, and not until so late. He would end up having a hard time sleeping later, which won’t be good. It was already hard enough with the tension, let alone with him not even being tired.

Hoseok threw on whatever he could find for clothes, not caring to look too nice. What was the point anyways? It was not like he had to, nor could impress Andy. He had known her for far too long and she wasn’t going to see him differently just because he was dressed nice. So a simple blue tank with salmon colored cloth shorts was enough.

It didn’t take long to run into Andy. Hoseok did not care to go near the shops, especially considering that he had thought that the other was more likely to be there. But much to his surprise, she was lounging in a secluded part of the beach. He considered just pretending that she was not sitting there, and moving on. But he then remembered his mother’s words about trying for her and his father. With a sigh, he made his presence known to Andy by speaking up.

“You know, it looks bad if we travel the island by ourselves.” He knew that she did not care. But with her still being there on the island, it made him wonder why she still was around. Andy could have easily bought a plane ticket somewhere else, just to run away. Last night made it seem like she was more likely to do that than to lounge on the beach. “I guess you have your reasons for still being here. And I have my own. So let’s at least pretend that things are remotely okay.” He looked in the direction of the calm sea, something that he would have thought as romantic if they were not in this odd predicament.

“Do you want your parents to be disappointed?” He asked, turning from the beach to make his way to a more inclusive part of the island. It was too awkward to stand in such a romantic setting while the tension between them was so thick, one could cut into it. Surprisingly, Andy followed, her arms crossed as they walked towards the middle of the island, closer to the shops.

She trailed behind him in a way that caused him to turn back to look and make sure that she was still following. With each glance, he found new things from her face that were definitely not there once upon a time. The glaring, he had already experienced from the moment that she laid eyes on him the day before, but he found the rose tattoo that was placed beautifully on her cheek, and finally noticed the stone that was embedded in her lower lip.

He hated this. Why couldn’t he just hate her like she hated him?

A voice called out to them, making Hoseok quick to stop and grab and unexpecting Andy’s hand, pulling it from her tightly crossed position. “Hoseok and Andy?! Oh my gosh, I heard about the wedding, but I thought that it was all fake!” The voice made Hoseok tense for a hot second, dread coming over him. If he wanted to pretend they were okay, it was all the harder when it was one of the girls that partook in his cheating on Andy. Siyeon gave the two of them a smug smile, her freshly manicured fingers gripping onto a broad young man’s arm.

Hoseok forced what looked like a genuine smile onto his face. His hand only becoming tighter on Andy’s when he felt her try to pull away. “No, it was very much true Siyeon. Just was a secret for some time.” He tried to sound cheery, but the smug, knowing look on Siyeon’s face made his skin crawl. It made it all the worse that the woman that ignored Hoseok’s requests at the time to end their side relations at the time, had been Siyeon. Sending the nudes that ended their relationship. (Something that Hoseok only found out about from the cloud service retrieving messages from his old phone to his new one). Of course, he was mainly to blame for that, never should have thinking to start such relations with other women, but he could not help but have a sheer bit of hatred for the girl.

“Are you sure it was a secret? Or was it arranged? Sounds like your new wife is following in your footsteps. She’s quite the spoiled little party girl.” Hoseok had no idea what Siyeon was talking about as he was unaware of Andy’s habits for the past near decade. Nor was he aware that these habits were what made her parents have her marry him, as if he would magically change her way of life. The confusion was clear on his face. “She’s quite popular in tabloids, isn’t that right, Andy?”

@hoseok It pierced through her skin right where her heart was, as if a knife was rammed right into her chest. Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds and it almost felt like time stood still, as if the world had stopped moving around them. Why did it affect her so much? Why did it feel as if for a moment time moved backwards and she was the girl from back then again? ‘Do you really think I would have agreed to this if I knew it was you?’ His word affected her in a way that she had not predicted, the pain was unbearable for a second and it made her even angrier as she snapped back into reality. Neither would she have agreed to this if she had known that it was him but it felt different hearing it from his lips. Was there a part of locked deep down that still felt the love from back then? Impossible. She was just going crazy from the lack of sleep.

As Hoseok left the house, Andy took a deep breathe. She wanted to scream but stopped herself from doing so. The rose petals covered the floor in what looked almost as romantic as they had on the bed. Andy picked up the blanket to place it back onto the bed and then let her back hit the mattress. For a while she just lay there contemplating how to survive all this. It seemed impossible to her, there was no way she could deal with that for the rest of the honeymoon, the rest of her life. God.

After what was probably only a few minutes, Andy got up from the bed and stepped into the bathroom where she took a short shower and got herself ready to go to bed after. The day had dragged on for what felt like forever with the wedding and the reception. It had been awful, not like she would have ever imagined her wedding to be. None of her friends had been there, no that she would have wanted them to be. Maybe one day there was still a chance for a real, lovely wedding just the way she would want it to be like. However, for that she needed to find a man first that she would fall in love with, something that had been rather complicated the last years as it had never been more than physical relationships. Andy hadn’t managed to trust anyone after the incident with Hoseok which had let to her ing up relationships or having nothing more than one night stands.

Just as she had gotten into the bed, the door of the cabin opened again and Hoseok entered. Immediately her eyes turned into a glare again as she watched him. At least he didn’t even dare sleeping next to her and prepared to sleep on the floor. “Matured---funny.” Andy commented coldly. Her eyes met his as he seemed to examine her body. Andy was only covered in pyjama shorts and a lose shirt but one that was revealing enough to show many of her tattoos.

Andy covered herself with the blanket as Hoseok went into the bathroom. It all felt so familiar and reminded of her of when she had seen that message back then. It had been just like it was now, she had been in the bedroom while Hoseok was in the bathroom. God, she barely managed to control her own body as it shivered due to the memory stuck in her head. Back then had broken her and all this just made it worse. Once Hoseok returned to the room, Andy ignored him. She rolled onto the other side of her body so that her back showed towards him. It was hard to fall asleep at first as she was controlled by the tension radiating in the room. She hated being like this, was way too overloaded with emotions and thoughts. Though eventually as time passed her body gave up and drifted to sleep.

The bright sunlight that streamed into the room woke Andy up. She couldn’t tell for how long she had slept but it was clearly the middle of the day with their going to bed during the morning hours. Her eyes took a while to get adapted to the light but eventually she managed to open them and sit up on the bed. The wedding must have been a bad dream, it couldn’t be true that she had actually married Hoseok. Though of course her eyes fell onto the sleeping body on the ground revealing none other than the man that she had never wanted to see again. This would be her life from now on, seeing him every single morning. It was horrible.

Andy got ready quickly as she wanted to get away from Hoseok as quickly as possible. She wore her bikini beneath her shorts and top just in case she wanted to go swimming without needing to change again. For the first time ever since the wedding it felt like Andy could finally breathe again. The light sea-breeze hit her and it had her ease the slightest. At least she could get away now and maybe she wouldn’t see Hoseok until the evening. Her first destination was the main area of the hotel where she get herself something to eat after not having had anything for hours. However, she didn’t feel like staying for a big lunch and rather took the time to explore the island. So many years had passed but it still looked all the same, they hadn’t added any new attraction.

She avoided the spots that reminded her of the time that they had spent together during the vacation back then. Andy distanced herself from the hotel more and more until she found a quiet spot at the beach where she could relax while sitting in the warm sand for a while. All this would have been way better without Hoseok, any other man would have been better. Even if she had a quiet moment to herself now, it was all still a nightmare.

@andy Throughout the plane ride, Hoseok did his best to give Andy space. Although they were seated in first-class, they were still obviously seated beside each other. He did his best to lean away from her the whole ride, his eyes closed in hopes of falling asleep to make the time pass more quickly. Of course, with her drinks, it made it near impossible to do so, causing him to just sit in agony during the nine hour flight. He hated it, hated that he felt such discomfort due to his embarrassment over the situation and her obvious distaste for him.

Their destination did not help with the matter, especially when they entered the house. Not only was it the same home that they had been in, the one that everything fell apart in due to his own immaturity and stupidity of his teen years but also because of the romantically made bed. It was as if a rock fell in his stomach, and got heavier by the second as his eyes focused on the roses. ‘Please don’t see it,’ he thought to himself, dreading the moment that Andy’s eyes caught sight of it. He knew that it was just the good intentions of their families, however, they did not know how badly he had ed up. As far as his parents knew, they had simply had a squabble during the trip and fallen out of love.

They were young, nobody had taken their relationship very seriously, not even his parents.

The outburst caused Hoseok to tense up, silently watching as she had a tantrum over the roses. “N-...I-” Hoseok tried to speak, only for her to interrupt him through her tangent. Why would he have asked for such a gesture? He too had no idea that they were to marry each other, having blindly trusted his parents. Although, he never did mention why exactly he and Andy never spoke again. All he had given was that she had made it clear that she never wanted to see him again.

Hoseok was in a sort of daze, struggling to keep up with her demands and accusations. His jetlagged mind was not exactly helping with his confusion, and he only broke out of it when he felt something bounce off of his chest. His eyes slowly tilted down towards the floor, the diamond ring that he had been made to place on her finger gleamed in the light. “If you were so opposed to this, why would you say yes in the first place,” he mumbled as he bent down to pick up the ring. He inspected it as he placed it on a nearby table, it was an expensive ring, he could tell that much. But the expense did not add any love to the relationship, nor would it ever. Hoseok’s hope to move on was thrown right out the window. At this point, he knew that there would never be a chance for something more with the union.

“Do you really think I would have agreed to this if I knew it was you? I haven’t spoken to you in nearly a decade, I wouldn’t be seeking your attention now if I hadn’t before. And I certainly wouldn’t come to this place. Do what you want, Andy, just know that people are watching.” He swiped the ring from the table and turned to step outside. Despite his cold-sounding words, Hoseok was trying his best to hold back the pain and the tears. He was frustrated, and it was something that he rather her not see, especially with what she accused him of. If his emotions showed to her, if his disappointment was known, she would continue to say that he knew, that he wasn’t leaving her alone.

The ring felt as though it was burning a hole in his hand. Once upon a time, he had dreamed of marrying Andy. But of course, he had the mentality of a child when it came to their relationship, and was for some reason much more important to him at the time. Why did he think that he could get away with something like that? Why didn’t he just wait until she was ready during their relationship? He had always asked himself those questions over the years, never actually getting over the guilt of it, nor really being happy since. Regretting was not going to make the problem go away. The back of Hoseok’s head slammed against the wall outside. “.”

He slipped his phone out of his pocket, opening and exiting out of his contacts multiple times as he contemplated whether or not he should contact his mother. After about ten minutes of staring blankly at his phone, he finally called her, the phone ringing until her pleasant voice sounded on the other end. Hoseok did not give her a chance to ask how everything was before he blurted out, “Why would you do this to me?” His hand covered his eyes as he slunk down on the way, tears silently streaming down his face. His parents had always known that something had come between him and Andy, and that it was best for them to stay apart.

“I know it is hard, honey, but please try? For us? If it doesn’t work out in the end, it’s okay. But it is too early right now. I love you, and your father loves you too. Try and have fun, okay?” His mother’s voice was so soothing, so sweet, despite issuing such selfish words. And even then, they calmed him, causing him to wipe his face with a sigh.

“Okay, I love you too, Mom. Tell Dad that we landed fine. I’m going to try and sleep...I couldn’t on the plane.” After giving his goodbyes and ending the call, Hoseok went back inside. He was quiet as he searched the closets for extra bedding, pulling them out to place on the floor in the corner of the room, along with his belongings.

He had expected to sleep separately from her, the moment his eyes recognized the face. “...For your information, I wasn’t expecting to have with whomever ended up at the altar with me today. I think you’ll come to figure out that I’ve matured plenty since we were teenagers.” Hoseok dared to look at Andy, taking in the way she held herself and the tattoos that seemed to cover her all over. He even caught the gleam of her lip ring that was centered on her plump lower lip. It seemed that they aged in opposite directions, just judging by looks. “I guess I can’t say much for you. Didn’t even know what you looked like since then until now.” Hoseok picked up his clothes to sleep in, going into the bathroom to change into them quickly so that he could sleep in for some time.

“I’m going to sleep for a bit. I’ll stay out of your way, but like I said earlier. People are watching, and obviously our parents chose this place to keep an eye on everything.” Hoseok laid in his make-shift mattress, leaning over to plug in his phone before getting settled. He hoped Andy wouldn’t make a scene while he tried to rest, but of course, it wasn’t guaranteed. She was no longer the innocent sweet girl from highschool, that was for sure.

@hoseok Her hands itched to slap that smile out of his face. She knew that he most probably faked it but even then Andy wanted to make a scene and expose just what kind of bastard he had been. Most likely her parents would cut her off for that too so Andy ended up playing along keeping the thoughts in her head just as that---thoughts for now.

She glared at the priest just as intense as she had glared at Hoseok. ing daring to kiss her, god, how would she survive all of this? It couldn’t be that she was forced to stay with him for the rest of her life, or at least until her parents died. It was unexpected that his lips landed on her cheek rather than her lips. ‘You’re scared for your life, aren’t you?’ She thought to herself as her glare was still as fierce, maybe even fiercer than before. Her skin burned where his lips touched her, something that drove her crazy even more. All kinds of images popped up in her head, those when his kisses had been loving and had meant the world to her. She remembered the first time that he had kissed her cheek like that, she had been a blushing mess after that just from that faint touch of his lips. God, she had been so naive back then that it had her cringe now and push those thoughts away again replacing them with the rage that she felt.

During their first dance Andy thought that maybe all this was karma ing up her life. Back then she had always dreamed of this moment, her wedding with Hoseok. Back then when she had believed that their love would be eternal, that they would be one of those couples that others wished to be. Her glare was stuck to her face just like the white dress to her body. Only when people actually looked at her closely, did she change her expression to a more nonchalant one but she couldn’t get herself to fake a smile.

Once the party was over, their parents escorted them to the airport probably worried that Andy would take that chance and disappear. She would have if there had been any chance to. Their destination for the honeymoon made everything worse as it was the exact same place in which her heart had been shattered to pieces. During the plane ride she tried to ignore all her thoughts connected to the incident back then just like she ignored Hoseok who was seated next to her. At least it was one of those luxurious planes where she had enough space for herself and was served a glass of champagne once in a while.

Soon the plane reached the destination and a car waited for them to take them to the hotel complex where they had stayed back then too. They would stay in the exact same house from back then as her parents owned it, one of those that were located directly at the ocean and had a master bedroom and bathroom. By now it had been eight years, her parents had always offered for her to travel with them but Andy just didn’t want to go back to the place where the only man she had ever loved had broken her heart. Now she would be here with that exact man, truly a nightmare. The anger she felt intensified the closer they got to the small house. Her whole body was tense with her heart beating like crazy from the overload of emotions that she felt as they entered the house.

Andy was still dangerously quiet as she walked towards the closet placing her suitcase next to it. God, it felt suffocating to be here again. Until now she hadn’t noticed it but as her eyes fell onto the bed she realized that it was covered in rose petals which formed a heart, the hotel staff had even lit candles which she also only realized in that moment. It was enough of a trigger for her to rip the blanket from the bed and throw it onto the floor. Her body shifted and she glared at Hoseok. “Did you tell them to do that? Do you think that some rose petals will get me to spend the wedding night with you? Oh wait, you probably already messaged some girl to with, didn’t you?” Her voice was cold and she didn’t raise it, yet. Andy was annoyed at herself for the light tremble of her lips. It angered her that her emotions still affected her in such a way and that she still hadn’t forgotten about that night.

“Did you make up this plan with my parents? To ing force me to marry you?!” Her voice was now raised as rage overtook her again. She just couldn’t stay calm. “You’re the one who ed up so ing leave me alone!” Andy pulled the wedding ring off her finger and tossed it at his chest. It ended up falling onto the ground with a clashing noise as it hit the wooden floor. “I may be your wife by law now, Jung Hoseok, but I won’t ever be yours in any other way.”

@andy It had been a good, no, amazing week for Hoseok. Not only was he finally able to get intimate with Andy, but they also seemed to be finally in a Honeymoon phase. The whole trip, they were happy, and a smile could not be wiped off his face. It was the first time that he felt he could smile for a long period of time without it feeling forced. Finally...finally he got what he felt was a bit of a void in his relationship with Andy. He loved her for her, which is why he never tried to ask things like from her (and instead opted to seek that sort of attention from elsewhere), but it was something that was definitely necessary when it came to their becoming closer.

He was in a sort of high when he exited the shower, a pair of sweats placed perfectly on his bare hips. “Hey A-.” The smile that was glued to his face fell when he saw her mascara and tear-stained face. He would have asked what was wrong if it weren’t for his phone being in her trembling hands.

He knew he should have deleted the messages. It was stupid of him to assume that she would never find out, that he would never be caught, especially when the girls that he had seen were ignoring his wishes of no longer continuing their ual relationships. He had no need for them, nor was he actually into those girls. “A-Andy...I can expl-.” He flinched as his phone slammed into the wall, just inches from hitting his face. How could he explain? No excuse would save him, even if it were the truth. He could never get himself to ask Andy to have with him, yet he could not control his ual urges.

“Andy, please,” his voice came out weak. “It’s not.” He took in a deep breath as her hand made contact with his face. His own hand darting up to hold onto the now-stinging spot, as if protecting it from any more abuse. It was not that he found her naive, nor that he wanted to play with her feelings. He loved her, but possibly, he was much too immature to be with her, or with anyone for that matter, if he allowed himself to have a mind muddled with .

After she stormed out of the room, Hoseok let out a frustrated yell as he dropped down into a crouch. Angrily, his fist came down onto his already shattered phone, causing the small pieces of glass to pierce into his skin. He had no reason to be angry, nor did he deserve to. He had only done it to himself, and the greatest punishment that he could ever receive was the girl he loved telling him she hated him, and meaning it.

***********************************

It was nerve-wracking for him to be in a tux, standing in front of the crowd within the church. He was getting married today, something that he never thought that he could be capable of. Ever since that day, nearly ten years ago, Hoseok never got into a serious relationship. He knew he did not deserve someone’s love and affection, and only pursued things that were temporary, like screwing around with the office secretary from time-to-time. But never did he try and pursue anything more, share pretty words with another woman, not if they did not have a context that was strictly ual.

It was better that way, he did not deserve to be happy, but maybe now…Now he had an excuse to be. After all those years, Hoseok could not stop thinking about the young highschool girl, Andy Blossom. She was his first, and frankly, his last love. Thus, when his parents requested for him to marry for the company, Hoseok quickly agreed. He did not mind marrying for the money, possibly starting a loveless marriage. As long as his parents were happy, he would follow through...and maybe he would fall in love with his new wife...Maybe he could finally have a chance to forget about Andy.

As the music started for his bride to come down the aisle, the young man held his breath. Who was she, was she his age? Younger? Older? What did she look like? His parents wouldn’t even tell him her name, let alone any other information regarding her. They just stated that she was a pretty girl, and he should trust them.

As she got closer, the black lace sleeves that he thought she was wearing turned out to be tattoos. She was covered up to her neck in them, making him wonder if she was a rebellious type, and if that was why his parents said nothing. Were they afraid that he would back out just because the girl’s personality was a bit unconventional. His mind also drifted for a brief moment, ‘How covered is she?’

Something was off about this girl, no doubt about it...especially with the man that brought her up. Mr. Blossom walked the bride to the alter, placing her tattooed hand into his. Hoseok found it odd that the man was bringing some stranger girl to him…that is until he could make out the face behind the veil. “Andy,” he whispered softly as she stepped up onto the podium beside him. It all made sense now...why his parents refused to tell him...because if it were Andy, he would have refused. He wouldn’t have wanted to make her miserable being around him, as their parents never knew why they fell out. Why Andy refused to speak to him for the duration of the trip, and why Hoseok had requested his mother to sit beside Andy on the flight home.

A smile pressed on his face the whole ceremony, trying his best to hide the pain of seeing her once more. Andy was changed completely, and it was obvious that through that change, she still hated everything about him.

“You may kiss the bride.” The priest said, in a cheery tone. As Hoseok removed the veil from Andy’s face, his eyes met with hers, taking in her deadly glare. He leaned forward to give the much anticipated kiss, angling his face in a way where the crowd would get just what they wanted, all the while, his plush lips merely pressed against her cheek.
Everything went surprisingly smooth from there, although Andy did not speak to him the whole time, she played the part...somewhat. All that mattered was that those around them believed that Andy was happy, that she was so excited to be marrying him...when Hoseok knew damn right well that she probably wanted to drive her heels into his back. Her eyes said it all. He did not have to think too hard about it, not when during their First Dance, her eyes seemed to pierce through him.

Hoseok was on edge the whole time, not exactly sure what he was supposed to do. Not through the entire reception nor through their plane ride. Why, why did the place that their families were sending them have to be there, the exact same place where Hoseok ed it all up? And from the sounds of it, it was possible they were staying in the same exact house. Much to Hoseok’s horror.

It was going to be a long night. And one that’ll have him sleeping on the floor to get away.

@hoseok The sound of water running from the shower had Andy blush as she imagined how the pearls would stick to his body, how hot he would look. She was still the shy, sweet girl but she had actually found a liking in the pleasure that she had felt even with being all awkward about it before. Crazy to think that they had finally taken that step in their relationship, more than only once. Hoseok had been so affectionate and soft with her, they were made for each other, their love would be eternal---or at least so she had thought.

The screen of Hoseok’s phone and a short sound announced a new message. Andy had never been the type of girlfriend to check her boyfriend’s phone, she had never felt the need to especially with him not using a pass code. However, the phone lay right next her on the bed and before she could avert her eyes she had already seen a girl’s name. Her eyes were glued to the screen as she read the message over and over again until the screen turned dark. This couldn’t be true, she must have just misunderstood it out of context!

Her hand trembled as she reached for the phone opening the chat and scrolling through it. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Hoseok had written all kinds of affectionate nicknames to the woman, those he always called Andy by. It got worse as she read messages which were about him hooking up with that woman or planning to. Andy’s tears intensified and a few even dropped onto the screen as realization hit her right in her gut. She looked through his phone with trembling fingers only to realize that Hoseok had done the same thing with three other girls.

Andy sobbed hard as the bathroom door opened, her eyes were red from crying, black mascara all over her face, her body was a trembling mess. “You ing bastard.” Her voice was quiet, more like a whisper to herself than anything else. Never in her life had she used any swearwords but nothing else came to her mind in that moment. She was frustrated, hurt, broken. “I trusted you! I have given my everything to you, my life, my heart, my body and you go around cheating on me?!” Rage overtook her, an emotion that had also always been cut from her feelings. It was as if a whole new side of her had appeared, one that was nothing like the sweet, innocent girl she had always been.

“Bastard!” This time she screamed and jumped up from the bed as the strength had finally returned to her body. Andy threw the phone against the wall right next to Hoseok’s head almost hitting him with it, the phone cracked and fell down to the ground the screen being pitch-black. “Do you think it’s fun to play with my feelings? Was it amusing to treat me like a naive, little girl all this time?!” Andy screamed it right at him. She reached out to slap Hoseok right across the cheek, her vision still being blurry from all the tears. “I hate you!” It were her last words before she bolted out of the room as a crying, trembling mess.

That day she swore to never be as naive again, the sweet, innocent girl had been shattered and ripped from her being.

***

Wedding day.

The white dress felt like a foreign body on her skin, almost like chains ripping her from the freedom that she had enjoyed in the last few years---parties every night, trips all over the world with her high society friends, new tattoos whenever she felt like the art on her body wasn’t enough anymore to express herself. The noose tattoo on had been the first one, a symbol for when her old self had died, when her life had changed completely due to the pain that she had gone through because of Hoseok. , she didn’t want to think of him at all.

Andy took a deep breath before leaving the room that she had gotten ready in. She had to do this or otherwise the luxury lifestyle that she had gotten used to would be ruined. Her parents had threatened that they would cut off her money supply if she didn’t, something along the lines that they needed the arranged marriage for business relations and that it was the least she could do. They had always expected her to be the responsible daughter that would take over their company one day and while that had always been her plan too, it had been ruined by the man flipping her whole world around back then. Now her plan was to marry this man, whoever it was, and be the worst wife the world had ever seen. Andy had made several plans on how to get her soon-to-be husband to file for divorce.

Her father waited for her around the corner, he smiled brightly as he saw her in the dress but Andy only rolled her eyes once he turned and couldn’t see it. A car took them to the church and during the whole ride Andy only continued to make plans on how to piss off her soon-to-be husband. They got out of the car and her father led her to the church entrance. She wasn’t ready for this, not at all, but there was no way to back out of it. She didn’t want to be cut off by them.

Her eyes were fixed on everything but the altar at first. Though as everyone started to get up and stare at her she had to take a look at the man she was going to marry. Her heart beat like crazy and her eyes widened in shock. This couldn’t be true, her parents couldn’t be for real. This was a ing joke! Her father glanced at her as Andy had stopped moving. Hoseok. Out of all the men that she could have been forced to marry it was him. ing hell. Her father urged her to keep walking up the aisle and as low whispers resonated close to her she did.

Andy threw death glares at Hoseok ready to attack him any second. Rage overtook her and the intense beating of her heart throbbed in her ears so that she couldn’t hear what her father said to Hoseok. It was also due to her spacing out only focused on imagining how she would end Hoseok’s life. Being mad at him was an understatement. Never in her whole life had she wanted to see him again. She had done her best erasing all memories and emotions connected to him even though they had always managed to creep up and overtake her. Hoseok had caused all this, had shattered her to pieces. Marrying him was one of her worst nightmares turning real.

@andy Andy's hand on his length was pleasurable. Even if it was mostly him guiding her actions, he could not help but enjoy the fact that her small hand was wrapped around it. His throbbed involuntarily as his own hands found the heat between her legs once more. With the combined feeling of their kiss, the pleasure rising in his , and the moist lace against Hoseok's fingers, he could not help but let out another moan.

Even though it may be disappointing, Hoseok could get off just like this. It was pleasurable either way, and he had plenty of time in order to get between Andy's legs. He was not going to rush her, not when she was so obviously not ready. At least, that is what he thought before Andy found her way on top of him, her clothed pressed deliciously against his shaft. He could not help but grip her hips tight as she started to gently grind herself on his throbbing , pulling her hips down so that he was squeezed tight between her body and his own.

A laugh sounded through the room following Andy's question. "Of /course/ it feels good," he breathed out, his heart starting to race as her lips found his body. It was not like this was the first time that his body had been kissed upon, but it was different. Maybe it was because for once, he was doing this activity with the woman that he had fallen in love with, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Andy. So his body reacted in the same way as if it were his first time, his skin feeling as if it burned everywhere she kissed. Tingled in pleasure, causing his stomach to tighten in a way he had only felt when his was stimulated.

"No need to force y-oh ," Hoseok's eyes closed as he took in a deep breath. He did not feel her lips well due to his briefs, but just the sight of it put him on edge. His imagination ran wild, with thoughts of her plump lips wrapped around his , her taking him in slowly.

Suddenly, Hoseok propped himself up on his elbows to get a good view of Andy. He reached down and pushed her black hair back and out of her face. Guide her? He wasn't sure what he could guide her with, other than possibly asking for her to kiss it. His breaths were heavy as he tried to figure out what to guide Andy with, but his mind kept going back to one thing.

Finally, Hoseok gave up and pushed the band of his underwear down, enough for his length to pop out and press against his stomach. He took it into his hand and gave a , his eyes on Andy as he did so. "Hold it like I am," he murmured, encouraging Andy to take hold of his length. And when she did, his eyes rolled.

God, he was so weak for her, just her touch made him soar. "That's it," he said in a soft voice. "Go ahead, give it a squeeze." He wanted to ask her for more, desperately wanted to know how her small mouth would feel around it. But Hoseok had to remind himself, Andy had never done this before, he could not just tell her to do that. He swallowed thickly, his eyes darting all over the place as he tried to figure out out how to hint for her to do just that.

His tongue darted out past his lips before he finally forced it. "Can you...uh...kiss it like you did earlier?" What he really wanted was for her to on it, but how could he nicely phrase that he wanted his in ?

@hoseok She only nodded at his question. His touches felt good and he was gentle with her but the nervousness and fear of doing something wrong or being not appealing enough for hi was stuck to her bones. She had no idea how to manage to be more comfortable and stop all the worries from dancing around in her head. After all, this was supposed to have her relax. It had her feel even worse that she couldn’t get herself to enjoy this moment with him as she should have. Her body seemed ready with how it reacted to his touches but she was unable to control her thoughts from drifting away into worry.

The kisses along her hips eased her the slightest, wherever it was, his kisses always felt magical on her lips or skin. Taking it slow would turn her into even more of a nervous wreck than she already was. If only there was a way to turn her brain off and have her body lead. Did everyone feel like this the first time they were intimate with someone else? She remembered that it was Hoseok’s first time too, however, he seemed so experienced compared to her. If her brain hadn’t been so occupied with the reactions of her own body, she would questioned just where his experience came from.

She was surprised but also relieved as the fabric of her covered her again making her feel less exposed. The kiss had her occupied, her body felt less tense with only her lips moving against his, she was used to kissing him and enjoyed it without worries filling her head for once during this night so far. Her body pressed against his again had her feel heated, just as his hand on her bum. “But...” She wanted to protest about not doing it. She had gotten herself this far and even with still being worried, she wanted to give herself to him clearly knowing that she would never get back into it if she wasn’t brave enough tonight. Plus, they had been together for so long, it was time to grow more intimate like any other couple would too.

As his hand guided hers down to his crotch, she stopped breathing for a moment. Her hand suddenly enwrapped his clothed bulge and she could feel, or at least thought so, that it was hardened. Was he ? Wasn’t the way her body had tensed up been all too bad? It was as if a switch had been in her body and mind as her hand massaged his bulge and as their lips found each other again.

Andy wanted to treat him just like he had, make him feel good. Maybe it would be easier for her once the focus was on him. She moaned into their kiss once more as his hand on the lace had her react in such a way again. However, it didn’t stop her from what she wanted to do. She pressed her body against his in a way to make them flip over, glad that he moved along to what he was doing. Once she was on top, she settled on his crotch as her hand had moved away, rolling her hips lightly. Andy was more daring now as she wanted to evoke the same reactions and moans from him too, almost as some sort of confirmation that what she did was perfectly fine. It had her ease up and become less tense, her thoughts slowly drifting away.

“Does this feel good?” She asked in a whisper as her lips kissed down to his jaw and then further to his collarbone. Her hips moved further down as well so that she could settle herself lower and lower until her lips ghosted over his abs. Her hands moved along and soon she reached the fabric that still covered him but she didn’t remove it, rather had her hand his bulge again and kiss along the fabric, trying to please him the best she could through the fabric. “Guide me.” She whispered being even more daring and excited now that it was about him rather than herself.

@andy Hoseok never thought that could be so...cute? God, Andy's innocence made him feel things he never thought he would, particularly being nervous. What if he did something wrong, made her uncomfortable because he was moving too fast? Well...it would be fine right, as long as it didn't change their relationship. He had told her to let him know when he should stop too...and so far, all he has really heard from her is her obvious sounds of pleasure.

Andy's body language stated her embarrassment, how she wanted to hide with each moan that came out of . Hoseok pressed gentle kisses to Andy's hips as he rubbed her slowly, applying pressure only for a moment with each circular swirl of his fingers. "Does that feel good?" He asked in a soft voice, noting the way her back arched when his fingers started to tease the sensitive heat between her legs. His own arousal twitched at the thought of being inside her wet heat.

His fingers teased along the hole of her entrance, making him shudder in anticipation. If he had though the rest of her was soaked, by the source must have been a lake. He contemplated whether he should press a finger into her now or should he wait, take his time until she was definitely more comfortable with being beneath him. He absentmindedly kissed along her hips and thigh as he tried to make a decision. It would make sense if he went slow for her, let her enjoy every bit of it. They had time, there was no rush to get this done.

Hoseok's head perked up when Andy started to talk, his hand coming to a stop. "Should you what?" He asked, not exactly understanding what she wanted. She seemed so tense, enough for his hand to move from her so that he could hold and massage her hip. Was she really this nervous that she could not get out her sentence? That her face became almost like a tomato?

Just as he was noting that her cherry-red face was also extremely adorable, Hoseok's own face became a tinge of red at her finally finishing her thought. "...Are you sure you don't want to take it slow?" But it must be awkward for her, to only have the attention on her, when she was already nervous enough as is with his seeing her . It wouldn't hurt for her to touch his a little, seeing as to how it was throbbing in anticipation. But Hoseok was hoping to try and make her first so that her body would become more relaxed for him when they did do the actual deed.

"Would it make you feel better to touch me?" Hoseok asked as he felt her fingers dig into him, coaxing him to move back up her body. As he did, he pulled the lace of her underwear back up, his lips moving gently against hers. Their tongues mingled together, tasted sweet, causing him to press more into the kiss to fulfill his craving of her body. His fingers brushed into the band of her underwear, fixing it so that it lay flat on her skin once more.

When Hoseok was done fixing her , his hand moved to her small, yet full, bum, squeezing it firmly before pulling Andy into him. "We don't have to do this right now if you're not comfortable," he whispered against her lips. Yet, his hand left her in order to guide hers to his clothed . His palm pressed against her fingers, causing Andy to cup his throbbing bulge. "Let's just do things like this for tonight...? Is that better?" He moaned softly as he spoke, massaging his hand against her to make her squeeze his length.

Hoseok wondered, maybe just keeping their bottoms on would be best for Andy. She was so tense, and maybe it was her nervousness with being in the complete , or possibly she did not want him touching her there. "Don't stop," he whispered, his plump lips pressing against hers as his hand once again found the lace between her legs. His fingers rubbed over the lace once more, this time not trying to slip his fingers inside.

@hoseok The situation overwhelmed her, just like the emotions rushing through her body. She trusted Hoseok with whatever it was that he was going to do but it was still the inexperience that had her worry. Maybe she should have touched herself like all her friends had told her about but she had never felt the urge to move her hand over her s or down there for pleasure, only ever when she showered. All this was foreign to her and she still worried about the million mistakes that she could do by accident. What if he would end up being disappointed? Andy tried her best to push these thoughts aside as she wanted to enjoy this moment with him, wanted to give him her all.

“Doesn’t matter...” She mumbled. If he wanted to leave hickies on her skin, then she didn’t want to stop him from it. Maybe she just wouldn’t go swimming or be careful with the makeup. Their parents definitely shouldn’t know about this but Andy didn’t want Hoseok to feel limited with the things that he was allowed to do.

A moan escaped from her lips as his fingers pushed into her cup to slide over her . Andy felt the urge to cover her face with one of the pillows even though she ended up not doing so. However, the urge to hide her embarrassment remained. Somehow it relieved her that Hoseok moaned into the kiss showing that she wasn’t the only one making these sounds, maybe there was no reason to feel embarrassed about it.

As her bra got unclasped and Hoseok moved his lips down her neck between her s, she felt the urge to hold onto the fabric and to keep covering herself but before her body even moved according to her thoughts, the garment was already being pulled down her arms. The kisses along her left s had her moan again and arch her back into his touch. She covered her eyes by placing her underarm on them feeling too embarrassed to watch how he on that sensitive area. She only nodded lightly at his suggestion, more moans coming from as the seemed to cause just what he had wanted---form a hickey on her skin.

The mixture of insecurity and all these new feelings her body produced wasn’t quite the best for her to handle the situation. She had noticed herself how wet the area between her folds had gotten, how she felt even more aroused as his fingertip found its way there. Andy had never before felt such a reaction from her body and it was all new to her. She had no answer to his question, her body seemed to enjoy it at least if she counted the moans as something highly positive. Her head, however, was too lost in thoughts of fear to give into the pleasure completely.

Andy felt completely exposed as Hoseok pulled down her even with leaving them hanging between her legs. “Oh god!” She moaned out loud, immediately covering with her hand as she was shocked by such a loud noise of pleasure leaving her lips. Her cheeks felt heated as they were tinted in a rose shade against her pale skin. The sensations radiating through her body from the bundle of nerves in her heat gave her a feeling of unknown pleasure. Surprisingly, her body seemed to enjoy the touch as her back arched into it to feel more. Was this why people enjoyed so much?

She knew that she had to pleasure Hoseok soon, remembered the times that her friends would talk about just what they did to their boyfriends. The blush on her cheeks turned a few shades darker as she had no idea how to go at this. “Can I... should I...” Andy didn’t manage to get the words out. Her body tensed again as she had no idea what to do. Why was she stuck in her head when all she wanted was to enjoy this? The intimacy should have made her relax but somehow she didn’t manage to lose herself in his touches even if she wanted to. “I want to feel you...” She mumbled. Was it her heat craving him? Or did she want to feel his between her lips? Andy had no actual idea where the words had come from but she hoped that Hoseok would lead her into whatever direction he craved.

Before that she tugged at his shoulders, glad that he moved back up to her at the motion. Her lips found his once more and she tried to cloud her mind with the taste of him to finally ease. Andy hoped that he would forgive her for feeling so uneasy, she tried her best to do things right but couldn’t tell how hard she failed at that.

@andy Hoseok, for once, felt uncomfortable with his bare skin being shown. Well, not uncomfortable, more so embarrassed by the fact that he was being looked at. It was odd for him, having Andy look at him the way she was. Of course, she had seen him shirtless before, but when it came to something like this, something emotionally and physically intimate, he felt a bit shy. What if she doesn't enjoy it? It is highly possible, with her being a , the experience could be painful for her.

These thoughts went through his head as his lips pressed against her hot skin. He would certainly have to be careful with her, being rough would not be pleasurable, not when she never had been touched before. And due to Andy's shyness about anything ual, it was clear that she never had tried to experiment on her own. "Makeup will wash off when we go swimming..." Hoseok murmured in response to her agreeing to hickies. He did want to cover her in them, not only for his ual satisfaction but so that people would know she was taken. Despite his not being exactly the most loyal person out there, Hoseok hated knowing that others were looking at Andy. She was cute, innocent-looking, and many of the guys in their class wanted to take advantage of that and ruin it themselves.

His lips curled into a gentle smile when she nodded, his fingers carefully pushing into the cup of her bra to tease and over her .

Hoseok let out a grunt when she pulled him into her seemingly desperate kiss. God, for someone that never allowed such intimate kissing, Andy was certainly good at it. Hoseok moaned into as her tongue brushed his, causing him to rut a bit harder against her smaller body. He wanted to be inside of her, that was a fact, and he almost used his free hand to pull her to the side to do just so but then he remembered once more...it was her first time, he had to be really careful. Hoseok pulled his mouth away from hers, moving his lips to her forehead to give it a short kiss as he pulled his hand from her bra to reach beneath her arched back and unclasped it.

His lips resumed their descent down her neck to between her small s. He made quick work of dragging the restricting garment down her arms and out of his way as his mouth and kissed along her left . "How about I leave them here, just for you and me to see," he whispered before nipping by her , just where the pinkish and milky parts of her meet. He the pale skin, over the spot and again until it was a beautiful maroon color, which then led to his tongue to ghost over the pink bud of her . His teeth tugged at the sensitive bud before he moved to her right side to give it the same treatment.

His hand flitted down her body, dropping between their bodies so that his fingers tugged at her underwear. "Oh." Hoseok lifted himself to get a clear view of Andy's face. "Are you liking this?" He said with a playful grin, rubbing his fingertip against the lace. It was a rhetorical question, of course. Hoseok could feel just how wet his girlfriend was, but he was genuinely surprised. He had not expected for her body to react so quickly in this manner, to be ready for him. He could not help but chuckle as his lips pressed against her once more before they made their way down her body.

Hoseok took care of the way he kissed her soft skin, focusing on each and every one of her ribs as he made his way down. Nipping and kissing playfully at the soft section of her stomach. All the while, his fingers rubbed gently, against where her was through the lace that covered it. Lower and lower he got, and the more his fingers itched to curl into her underwear and rub her off right. He finally gave in once his mouth met her boney hips, clutching at the crotch area of the cloth, Hoseok tugged it down in one swoop. Not enough to slide the material off of her legs, but enough to give him access to the mess between them. His fingers danced over the sensitive bud, rubbing and tugging at it wanting only to make her moan.

@hoseok Her nervousness rose as there was no reaction from him at first but it relieved her the slightest as some sort of switch seemed to be activated. It still felt strange to be like this in front of him when the only other situation where he had seen her like this had been in summer when they went swimming together. Even then her bathing suit was more so cute than y and the lingerie she wore had quite a different vibe. The rush of emotions was even more intense as she walked over to the bed and felt his eyes on her body. Worries of not being pretty enough for him or doing anything wrong still took her over but the compliment eased her the tiniest bit again.

Her eyes fell onto his shirtless chest, a sight that she had seen before but one that felt way more intimate this time. To her it was the same as with the difference between a bikini and lingerie. Her heart raced in her chest as his body pressed against hers and she could clearly feel just what in his crotch had awoken. Being new to all of this she had expected it to take way longer to already receive a reaction from his body. Was he aroused just like this? The kiss felt soft but heated at the same time and she had no words for all the sensations rushing through her especially as she was wrapped around him and his hard-on became even more present at her thigh.

Andy enjoyed the kiss just like those following around her neck, she had a hard time restraining herself from making any weird sounds as his lips reached for a sensitive spot on her skin. She still had no idea what to do nor how to react to his actions. The whole week before the trip she had searched online for all the questions she had had like an idiot, embarrassed with everything that she had found. Though to her it was important to do everything right and not disappoint Hoseok who seemed to be quite experienced for whatever reason even with this being his first time too---or so she thought.

Everything turned even more serious as he took off his shorts even if she couldn’t exactly see it but she felt the fabric of his briefs still being on his body and it relieved her. Her hands reached for his back gently sliding them over his skin without really knowing what she was doing. At least it was something, some sort of interaction coming from her even with him being the one doing almost everything else. She felt the need to apologize for how inexperienced she was but didn’t do so as it was even more embarrassing to admit it.

Waves of heat rushed over her with all the sensations that he gave her. Her body reacted even with her brain being clouded and not processing everything. She felt wet and felt how a part of her seemed to soak the unknown juices. Did it mean that she was ready? His words reached her but she didn’t give an answer, an unknown sound came from her lips as his hands were on her , soft and quiet but still something close to a moan. “I can cover it up with makeup...” She whispered not too sure if it would actually work but in that moment she wanted to be his, wanted to have those marks that her friends would squeal over during breaks at school with one of them revealing them. She wanted to be that girl that had some too from her first time ever giving her everything to the boy she loved.

She nodded at his second question feeling too embarrassed to actually say anything about him being allowed to remove her bra. Worries ran through her body again but she tried to push them aside once more by pulling Hoseok close for a kiss, pressing her lips against his and tugging on them between hers. She dared to even have her tongue entice his by brushing it against his taking him into her hot cavern. Her hands caressed his back and he she arched into his heat more wanting to feel his body again and have him continue his movements against her.

@andy Hoseok was beyond confused when Andy stated that she already knew. And even more so that she had requested to share a room with him. Judging how Andy had reacted last time to his trying to be intimate, he was certain she would try to avoid any situation that would mean that they would be absolutely alone together. When he was typically alone with her, they were too busy studying, and as their finals got closer, Hoseok wasn't really having in mind either. Academics were very important to him, and he was not about to screw them up.

"Why would we not need those? What if we get b.../oh/." How the placement of her hand did not give him a hint, Hoseok was not sure, but her next words and how she said it made him understand immediately. A goofy, wide grin pulled at his lips when he understood. "Well I guess we wouldn't get bored then," Hoseok commented as Andy pulled him into a suggestive kiss. He leaned in, enough so to make Andy topple back as he kissed her back, his body pressing against hers. It was a bit risque, their positioning, but neither tried to do anything more to each other than brush their tongue over the other. For the first time in awhile, Hoseok was genuinely excited to go on a family trip.

********
It was hot in the Maldives when they arrived, and the day was eventful, even though it was their first. They were to be there for two weeks, seeing as to how Andy and Hoseok were to start school in the fall compared to immediately after graduation. They had all the time in the world to take the time to relax, to enjoy their vacation. Even though their parents thought it was best to try and wear them out on the first day. It made Hoseok wonder if they were trying to tire them out enough to not want to do anything inappropriate, which Hoseok possibly was.

As soon as he and Andy were able to return the beautiful hut, Hoseok showered. He had offered for Andy to go first, but she was quite insistent to go after him. Even though she had made her intentions clear, Hoseok had completely forgotten about the fact that Andy was planning on losing her ity to him on the trip. And even now, he was not thinking much about it (due to jet lag and the running around not long after). So Hoseok put on a random movie, hoping to fall asleep to it before Andy returned. He didn't want to touch her in a way that he shouldn't and make her all the more uncomfortable having to share a bed with him (which once, again, he forgotten she had planned).

Her awkward hi issued a gentle, "Mm," from Hoseok as he glanced over at her. It took a second for him to process what she was wearing and for his head to whip back in her direction. "Wow..." His hand moved to hide the obvious excitement he felt from looking at her lingerie-clad body. "Hey...you look..." His dark eyes followed her all the way to the bed, the closer she got, the more his eyes seemed to focus on her perky s. "Really y." His eyes found hers again when she covered up her body with the sheet.

Hoseok took off his shirt and tossed it away from him as he too got under the sheet. "You know, it is too hot in this place to use this." His words were soft as he pulled her body against his, his hard-on pressing into her thigh. "Tell me if you get too nervous and I'll stop, okay?" Hoseok's lips pressed against Andy's before she could even answer, his hand moving along her thigh before he pulled it over his hip to not only draw her closer but to also grind himself against her.

It felt nice, how slow they went, how intimate it felt to do this with her. It certainly wasn't like how it was with other girls, where there was no feeling behind it, other than the need to have . Hoseok genuinely loved Andy, and it made this experience, made waiting until she was ready for him, all the more worth it. His mouth left hers, only to give her soft kisses along her neck, tasting the sweat that seemed to already develop on her body. Hoseok pulled his hands from her for a moment, fiddling with the shorts he wore until he was in just his briefs.

A moan passed his lips when he resumed to grinding himself gently between her legs. Without the thickness of his shorts in the way, he could feel her heat all the better. "Can I leave some hickies...? Or should I be careful?" He paused his movements to look at Andy, waiting for her response. He wanted to mark her up, but it would rise a problem if their parents were to see. But what if...it were in a place that they wouldn't see? Hoseok shifted so that he could comfortably massage Andy's , his fingers ghosting over the red lace. "May I?"

@hoseok Never before had she been this scared of losing him. His hands on her face, the way the smile spread along his lips, it had hope flourish in her. She listened to his words and it slowly sunk into her. At first she really wasn’t sure if it was just an excuse but he seemed to be so sure about it. Plus, he was here with her and hadn’t broken up with her. Maybe there was still this chance for them. A few tears formed in the corners of her eyes the more she listened. It was the kiss to her forehead that had her ease. He loved her, she loved him, this hadn’t ruined anything.

“Thank you.” She whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her body against him to get back to how they used to be, soft and sweet even if they usually would never do this at school. In that moment she still didn’t really care. Even if a teacher would have found him, she didn’t feel like letting go of Hoseok for quite some time. “I love you.” She whispered before pressing her lips to his in a soft and innocent manner but it was all that she needed.

****

Finally graduating from school and moving forward with life, Andy had been all too happy about it. Finishing as second best had only been possible with Hoseok tutoring often, these times not starting to touch her like before much to her relief. Though the closer graduation had come, the more she had felt ready and actually craved him in the not so innocent and shy way. It was time and the vacation was the perfect time for what she had planned for them.

“Yes, I told them that I wanted to and they didn’t mind at all.” A mischievous grin adorned her lips. “I don’t think that we will need any of those...” Her hand reached out to brush over his thigh dangerously close to his crotch. She leaned closer towards his ear and pressed a kiss there. “I planned other stuff for us, it’s good that we share a bed.” Her lips moved to his, pulling him for a daring make out session. Holidays that they would never forget.

****

For the millionth time she tried to calm her heart from going crazy in her chest. It was the first day of their vacation but she hadn’t managed to concentrate on anything the whole day due to knowing what she had planned for the night. It was that time now. Moonlight shown into the bathroom as she checked her makeup once more, stared at the crimson lingerie she wore, the lace engulfed her pale skin perfectly. Even if she had been daring as she had thrown the hints at Hoseok as to what she had planned, she was all shy now. Had this lingerie really been the right choice? Would he have preferred anything else more? Her body shivered slightly and it wasn’t because of the bathroom being cold. She was nervous.

It was a now or never situation. She couldn’t back out now, didn’t want to. It was time to have their relationship rise to the next level, become more intimate. Taking one last deep breath she opened the bathroom door revealing herself to Hoseok like this for the first time. “Hi.” She said like an idiot. Of course they had seen each other five minutes ago but it felt like a different way of seeing each other. With light steps she moved over to the bed and quickly covered her body with the sheets. She was still shy to show herself like this and felt the urge to cover her body again. The big question hit her of how to actually start this without making it awkward. Andy felt lost but looking into Hoseok’s eyes eased her slightly. She wanted this.