the loser who made me question whether or not i was good enough for you.
for anyone.
who made me have one of my rare, unfathomable crushes- where all i would want to do is talk to you and be by your side.
why was it that at this time i forced myself not to talk to you?
was it your short answers or overall disinterest in me who made me not want to talk to you?
even though talking to you made my day
even though hearing your stories made me happier
but what was i supposed to do? we were never meant to be together
no matter how much i told myself that you were interested in me.
you were just too sweet, you were so caring
i wanted to better myself, to make myself good enough for you
but it was pointless. she was already there.
the girl whom i also loved and cared for, who i cared for as much as i loved you.
i didn't want to hurt her, i didn't want to hurt our friendship
so i didn't pursue. i friendzoned you, albeit not intentionally
i called you loser, idiot, dumb, and so many other things
was it to distance myself from you? to never acknolwedge my feelings?
hearing your obnoxious comebacks made things so difficult because they were so perfect
why couldn't i be better
for you to like me?
why couldn't i be enough
for you to want me more?
happy birthday to you
the loser who plagues my dreams
the loser who i think about
and makes my heart ache
(she a poet???)
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