Disclaimer: this blog post isn't directed to anyone specific. This is probably like a 80% rant blog so if you don't want to read me complaining, you don't have to read. This blog is just a bunch of things I've notice with the eight years that I've been roleplaying since aff to rpr. This is just my personal opinion and we all have one and it's okay to differ. Also me, myself have made a lot of mistakes in the past, lost friends over my stubbornness but that's why I'm here today, trying my best everyday, no one can change the past, we can only aspire to make a better job than yesterday... and ig that's one of the main reasons why I'm here today. /closing disclaimer.
For a bit of context, for those who have me added as friend; you should know by now that I decided to close my account a few months ago. Why? Simple, I hated logging in. I was only active in one roleplay and it caused me pain and sadness to even open the front page. This account is a lot of years old and it comes with a lot of baggage but one can only hold so much. Now, I did take a small break, while also having a new account on the side. For some more context what I wanted to do with this new account was: 1) start fresh. 2) maybe re-join some of the rps I had been but with a whole "new me" you know? I'm sure a lot of us have done that.
Now; I never got to do point number two, why you ask? Because I realized after leaving them, that those old places, the same old people were the ones that caused me so much pain. Why would I want to rejoin and feel that way all over again when I could just start new and fresh??
well, I've had this account for almost ten months now. What did I do? I joined a few new places, met some new and really nice people, made new friends that otherwise I wouldn't have made, tried new characters, personalities, aus, forge new healthy relationships and even open a couple places.
So what did I learn in these ten months? Here's some and buckle up because this will be a hard to swallow pill.
Number one: It's okay to take a break. No roleplay, no relationship is worth if you compromise your mental and physical health. 90% of us (and yes tha includes me) are waaaaaay too attached to this place, so much that we hurt ourselves in the process, we give our everything to our roleplays and our partners. But guess what! Nothing's gonna happen if you don't log in for a day or two. And if your friend and or partners can't understand that you need a break. Guess what pt 2? They aren't really your friends. Because a friend understands the time you need for yourself, understand that you have a life or sometimes you aren't in the mood to come in. On another note: stop guilt tripping people into relationships or logging in.
Number two: we. need. to. learn. and. accept. and. be. willing. to. change. If someone talks to you about how something you're doing is hurting them... don't ignore them or minimize their feelings. If they have the trust to tell you something, the least we can do is LISTEN, and maybe just maybe we can stop for a moment and try to see it from their perspective. I know this is hard, because I'm a very stubborn person myself and I'm very closed to others' opinions, but Again, I'm slowly trying to work on it. ALSO, don't assume that your friend or partner is okay with you doing something only because they don't speak up; there's a million reasons why the wouldn't want to tell you something (they probably don't want to bother you, or think you will get mad or would break up with them, etc) we need to be more empathetic. Put ourselves in the others' place.
number three: alts. I've been telling my friends and a bunch of people how alts are the root of many problems here in rpr. And listen, I am aware of the benefits that come with alts: more posting, more activity, visibility on the top list of rps and features. Some rps live only on this alt-based activity and that's okay if they're for example a spam or crack rp. The thing is, and you can not tell me you haven't noticed this pattern: new non-au opens, 5 people join, each gets 2 alts, that's 15 charas for a start. It has a good constant activity for a good 3-4 weeks until a new non-au open, until one of the members of that rp decides to open a new one, so the whole group of friends run to the new place with the same amount of characters and they forget about rp number one. So what happens? Rp number one dies. And only you who have been admins, co-admins know how hard is to revive a fallen rp, so much that most of the times, admins would rather close or delete it despite the efforts the have put in their themes, layouts, activities. What's other problem with alts? People usually get them once their first gets in a relationship; so the second is used to mingle, and that's okay. What's not cool is to lie to your partners, and again to minimize their feelings. Speak, communicate. Don't tell your partner you're gonna be busy, off, if only you want to it up with your alt, in the same place. That's not cool. So, anyway, just to finish this point, what I tried to do with my new account was to experiment a little with it; of all the rps I've joined, I never asked for an alt. And I must tell you, that SAVED me from a million headaches. You won't believe how stress free is to only focus on one character per roleplay. You aren't missing out on the new hot dude you wanna bang. If you want to bang him so bad, invite him to a rp or a kkt rp. Or a 1-1.
number four: admins pleaaaase for the love of god. Listen to the members of your roleplay and follow your OWN goddamn rules. You made it, you wrote them yourself for a reason. There's a reason why you wrote that "No face chasing" rule or whatever rule, "no ooc drama" "no blue pants on mondays". Don't wait until drama has exploded all over the rp. DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO BE HURT. DONT WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO LEAVE OR REPOR SOMETHING. DONT WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE COMES AT YOU CRYING OOC BECAUSE THEY ARE HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN WITH THE DRAMA AND STRESS. You as an admin, call your members a family, your friends. They come to you for help because they trust you, because in that rp you're the authority and you're the one that can help them. And no, don't cover for your friends, your ooc friends aren't above the rules, rules are rules and they written there for a reason. Exceptions can always be made, of course, but don't try to cover for someone when you know they are on the wrongdoing or hurting someone else. Step up for your rp and what you believe in. Don't let those people down, those that trust in you and see your rp as a genuine home for them.
number five: sadly, popularity is what feeds this place. I've seen so many good rps close down because a popular member of the community has open up a new place. People usually don't give a chance to more slow paced rps or rps that are from an unknown user. Even blog posts of people who aren't as "popular" get less views than those that are known; even if the blog is an ad from the same place. I know there isn't much to do about this, it just feels like high school all over again. I can only ask you to maybe give the smaller rps a try, they're usually very welcoming and so warm.
number six: if you think you're subtle with your face and user chasing...let me tell you, no, you aren't and I'm sorry to burst your bubble. And yeah this is something you can't avoid, the only thing I can say about this is: don't force a person to be with you, don't force them to be the Jimin to your V if the aren't into you. Even if you're from the same group and should basically know each other, no, you don't know each other at all. You can't know they rping style in two days, you don't know if they are a rper that only comes online once a week, you don't know if they're a bottom when you expect them to top. So even if they're from your same group, get to know them and never force anyone into a relationship.
numbers seven: you need to stop excluding people. I understand you join with a group of friends, but don't leave others out, you really are missing out a bunch of amazing rpers that you're ignoring because you're talking with the same three people. Plus that's rude AS . Also please use damn tags. So at least the people that join the chat won't be expecting an answer from you. (And I'm not speaking for myself, I'm voicing this as someone who has seen this happen almost daily in fast-talk rps)
Number eight: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. AS A ROLEPLAYER, JOINING A RP. You should be following the damn rules. Yes I spoke about admins following their own rules, but us, as roleplayers, who join the rp, by reading the rules, we are accepting them. The roleplay rules and ROOM rules, because people don't seem to understand the room rules are as important as the rp rules itself. If the main chat says "no , no spam" why must you go and write one-worded post after post, spamming the room when people genuinely wanted to join the chat to have a conversation? I've seen admins giving endless warnings to characters to follow room rules and just give up on them because they won't listen to admins or simply don't care about the room rules. So, let's be decent human beings and at least respect the rules, the time and effort the admins are putting in their roleplays, trying to keep them well and functioning.
number nine: don't ghost your partners. Please. That's... speaking seriously and breathing in after my rant the past points. That's just such a low blow. If you aren't interested in an older rp, if you know you have your most active characters at a new place. The least you can do is tell your partner you won't be as active there anymore, that you have lost your muse for example. But don't let your partner waiting for you, they come online every day, with the expectation to see their bf/gf, they are probably expecting you to wish them good night of maybe they had a bad day and only need a hug, only to comeback to a blank wall and empty pm. Please don't leave your partners waiting. Don't expect the rp to close down or your partner to break up with you. We're all adults here and as adults we can talk things through. Yeah they might be sad and upset at first, but at least they won't stay up late waiting or they'll know it's okay to skip a day or two of logging in. In the end, it's a relationship and it shoud work two ways.
finally and just to end with a point number ten: I know I haven't been the best; I know I have done things that I preach for not to be done, but I'm trying my best, I try my best every day, i still fail? Yeah, i do, I'm not always the best at talking, I explode easily as you can see. But that's why I created my new account to start fresh, to leave the pain behind and try my very best at my own pace. I asure you, it's been a delight. I went drama free for about eight months. I'm sure that's a record. But still, on a more serious note, I've always tried to talk about this with my rp partners, but if I didn't then I'm telling you now; if, in the time we rp, I did something to you, there's something I hurt you for of maybe I'm still doing it, if I was rude to you or disrespectful in any way, I'm open to listen and talk if you need closure with it. If you want to be direct and say you don't want anything to do with me, that's totally valid as well.
lastly, if you made it this far, thank you very much and I apologize for the rant and any typos, it's so late. I hope at least someone is willing to listen from this and wish to make an improvement. Or maybe they will be more willing to listen to it next time someone else brings that up.
That's all for tonight, thank you again and I'm sorry.
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