Asked to take a break because our friendship was too painful for me, and I knew I couldn't be a good friend to her at the moment.
I couldn't handle how much we've changed as people, it sent me into life crisis. I felt anxious everyday (feeling sick, heart pounding). Just the thought of her made me want to cry. I was obsessively checking my messages and making myself even more anxious.
Told her about my feelings and things became awkward. It was painful that things were so awkward.
I ultimately figured that I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with this all, so I asked for a break. It's been over a week since we've talked. It's the most we've ever gone without talking in 8 years of friendship.
I don't know if we can come back from this.
Cutting her out of my life has been good for my mental health, despite how much I love her.
Today her mom messaged me, and while there was a lot of love in our conversation, between me, her, and her family, I've been feeling anxious ever since the conversation ended and have been having intrusive thoughts/flashbacks to unpleasant conversation we've had while trying to fix our friendship.
Realistically speaking, I can't be her friend again until I fix myself, but I'm overwhelmed. My heart aches for her, because her mom told me I'm her only friend.
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