Like my status says, I feel useless when I can't do anything...I'm just having one of those days were I just wanna forget the world...life is spinning around me like a damn tornado and it's ready to take me away... I'm a hazard to myself...4 years of no self harm...it's been such a struggle for me to not burn...I still have the marks...when I look at them it's like a memory that bores into my mind and I can't erase it... as times goes they faded...but seeing what was left of a cigarette or lighter is just hurting me inside...sometimes zi wake up at night with nightmares of going back to that day...sometimes I have nightmares of not waking up...I just want everything to stop...the crying, the pain, the struggle of being who I am...Depression has effected me since I was 7 years old. at a young age i felt like i would amount to nothing in my life, but I was the only one in my family to graduate high school and not let my parents down...but I still feel like I won't make my parents proud no matter what I do... My mother asked me a few months back if I was depressed I finally told her that I was, after all these years...she wanted to give me happy pills to make me feel less human...I'm fighting a battle here by myself. I don't need meds to make me even more not myself... I found the love of my life 4 years ago. the day we got together was the day I stopped burning myself. because I finally realized...I'm loved. I'm not depressed as much as I was. he made and makes me happy. he's the happiness I needed a long time ago...I thank god that he came into my life, without him I might still be burning myself, or worse....
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