for the longest time, jung jinsung feels like a wonderer. a boy who's never really found his place in the world. perhaps it all started at the young age of 4. his dad and mom fight with all sorts of bad words and physical abuse that he was a bystander to- until some of them start flying his way, but he was too young to have an idea of it being any sort of wrong at the time. they were quite.. loud, though, and soon enough the police is called. enough words get passed around and it's deemed that it's not safe for a young boy to grow up in an environment like this. then begins the start of jinsung's life in the foster care system. from being passed family to family and the time that passes in such state, jinsung never finds a big difference. as he grew older, he was more intuitive to find that people wanted him to be there just for the money. nobody would ever want him for him, but.. if jinsung wanted some resemblance of shelter he would have to settle just for this. so he did, he quietly allowed anything and everything to happen and never told a soul about the discrimination he'd face especially in families that already had other children. there were always one or two good families hidden here and there but for some reason, there was always "something" that'd happen nd he'd be tossed to the side once again. he began to lose hope in a regular family like all the other kids had.

 

until he was 13. when he was 13, a family adopted him for good. it would be his forever family and jinsung was all too grateful to be bestowed with such a chance. he was over the moon and let the tiny bits of hope he carried with him become his life, and, well.. at first it was really nice. they had a big home, the parents were rich enough to actually provide things, and he would have two younger siblings too so he wouldn't have to feel alone. jinsung was satisfied, very satisfied.

until the cracks started showing in this family's perfect family act. even in this big home, jinsung was given a measly section of floor to sleep on because "the other room is for the guests and they clearly need it more than you", the ingredients and portions for his food were always the lowest quality and the smallest, and his brothers were overly entitled to the point that they demanded jinsung do what they want when they want it. jinsung quickly grew miserable in such an area, but he still had a complete vow of silence. even as they began to demand more from him, forcing him into so many hakwons and similar classes to make him be smart so he can get a good job in the future (jinsung swears he overheard them saying they would take his money but his hearing might just be bad), he was still.. quiet. he let them sculpt him into whatever he wanted and treat him however as while he disliked it.. well, he was always raised to believe he deserved such things.

 

at school, jinsung was known as the "mystery man". he wouldn't speak anything other than what was needed of him yet still be the top student in his classes. he was always there yet his presence was never really felt. well, that was until high school. he was sent to a school in seoul for his highschool years, as it was apparently more elite and better at teaching than he'd ever get in a measly school from yeoncheon, according to his "parents".

 

it was at this school that he found a change of pace, a new hope for once. it all started on his first day, when a boy with a soft smile sat down next to him. they exchanged greetings and jinsung thought that would be the end of it, but surprisingly he was invited over by this guy to eat with him during lunch. enough repeats of this, and the two eventually became close. it was one day during lunch where they decided to skip the crowded cafeteria but rather sit up at the rooftop. with the breeze flowing through the area, they began to ask questions to each other. discuss a little bit more, as they were usually both quite silent. every time the thought of saying something even passed jinsung's mind, the other was either being asked out, asked for a photo or someone just generally bothering him. it was during this conversation that a question jinsung had paid no importance to before then appeared. "what's your dream?"

jinsung had no answer. for he was a doll to be controlled by his parents, unable to make his own decisions for years at this point. the other boy shared in his soft tone that his had always been an idol. to perform on stage and give people more happiness through that, to hear the cheers and reach the top. apparently he had debuted once before when very young, but it was always supposed to be temporary. he's been preparing for a new debut though and was acting alongside it-- and suddenly, all the weird encounters jinsung saw made sense. this boy was some sort of celebrity. jinsung found it admirable to how the other had all this set out and had always been doing something towards it, while jinsung.. had just been passed around and feeling lost.

the other must have been overdelighted with how well jinsung listened to him or something, because by the next week, he opened up more and began to show the other why he was dreaming of such a thing by showing a video of one of his rolemodels.

 

let's just say, jinsung was entranced. he had heard the description with words from the boy's mouth but hearing and seeing it all was definitely another sight. he wishes his 'parents' weren't so restricting with the computer, he might have already found this sort of paradise before then if it weren't for that. he even saw the other perform what he was practicing for him once, and jinsung fell even deeper into the rabbit hole.

he started to become friends with the other's friends too, who were also practicing with him, and jinsung started to feel like he belonged for once. these people genuinely cared for him and matched well, compromised when it was needed. with so many people like this, jinsung started to feel and realize what being appreciated and being given things really was. the slight discomfort he had when home turned into a glaring problem once he had something better to compare it to, and their constant verbal and physical abuse only began to bother him even more.

and suddenly it all clicked. jinsung had a masterplan. he would join the company his friends train in, move into the dorms and run away from his stuffy home and "family" once and for all. and so he did just that. he never let anybody know of his plans or what was going on, though. after all, these were the people who introduced him into his dream, made him feel valued for the first time in forever, and gave him his escape ticket out of his terrible home. he couldn't burden them like that.

 

a little bit after his plan had succeeded, though, jinsung began to see the cracks once again. the company was.. perhaps just as bad, or even worse than his family. his insinct told him to run once again, to abandon here as easily as he did yeoncheon and his 'family'. but every time jinsung thought of such a thing, he'd hear his friends laugh from the next room over and he'd think it'll be okay. it'll be okay as long as they're by my side.

jung jinsung used to feel like a wonderer. a boy who had no place in the world. he wouldn't call his life perfect now, he has old scars to tend to and new ones opening up every day.. but now he has his place. he found his place in the kindest friends he could ever ask for, found his place in doyum, sungwon, taekhyeon, yechan, seunghwan, yongha, junseo, taewoo, and the name 1the9. and that would be enough for him, for him in this moment.  

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jinsung is loud. like really, when will you ever shut up amount loud- it's just a habit of his that he adapted from conversations with his friends and what made them laugh but also.. always talking and being extremely loud for it takes more of his mind away from the back of his mind where he houses all of his.. not great thoughts. he would never admit that's the reason why, and will always respond with that he just likes it if asked. jinsung is stubborn too when he gets his mind set on something, and the latter used to be a very hard thing for him. but now, well.. once he's set on an idea he will do anything in his power to make it true and let it prevail. he can also be very blunt when he feels something is wrong, especially when it involves to people he cares about. he usually is all bark and no bite, though. some people will say jinsung is immature in the way that he's always joking, but jinsung just finds life easier that way. treating everything as a joke is better than crying himself to sleep about it. rather than a lack of maturity, it's a coping technique of his to make anything seem less sad or less stressful or less important than it actually is. it also has something to do with how he always likes to repress his more serious feelings and run from his problems-- this is the only way he's genuinely okay and doesn't feel uncomfortable with mentioning them. of course, he's gone more in depth during late night talks with people he's close to, but jinsung tries not to talk about himself or anything seriously. he doesn't want to break his cheerful, passionate, loud, somewhat mood maker appearance that he gives off to most with it. more than a mask, jinsung chooses to show only the more "positive" side of himself and hides anything more disturbing or serious from ever fully reaching the surface.