i don't ask a lot, but i need someone right now.

i've been depressed since 6th grade. it stopped for a few years, and now it's back. i shouldn't have bottled everything up. i should have said something, and now it's all out. i can't bring it back in.

it hurts, and i hate it. i hate not being able to control how i feel about even the smallest of things. just being told that i need to get off of the computer has begun to piss me off in more ways than what one could ever imagine.

i have not cried this much since my third visit to the school counselor. i hate it. i hate it all, and i just need to get more out. i can't... get out enough here, and i don't want to just get it out on this one post. i know it's a burden to others to carry the weight of my problems on their shoulders with each and every word that i type out for you to read, but i know that it'll be the best i can do. i can't speak to those in front of me. it's almost impossible for me anymore. 

i know i'll get plenty of comments, because these things are extremely serious when it comes to the thoughts that attach themselves, most of the time anyway, to depression. i know none of you will judge, but i need you to act as if you understand more than you ever had before. anything not said in the way i want, really can tip me over the edge, as much as i hate to admit it.

i'm really sorry for asking this, but i need to vent. i don't want to go through this, and i really don't want the medication.