I wonder....

Years ago when I started to rp....it was to escape. In rping I found friends, I found people to talk to so I wont feel lonely and I found great story lines with others. Most importantly... I found a way to battle my feeling of depression, loneliness and worthlessness that I've always had. It got me thinking that people in rps were awesome and having met people doing this for the same reason I thought they wouldnt do the things that were done to me because they knew how it felt. Now tho, as time grew, my rps dwindled because I've experienced so much bad things here. From being cheated on to being ignored to being second best to being used. To being said pretty words then finding out things that would make my heart hurt. Now instead of helping...rping is making me feel worse about myself. Some say I'm just too nice.... maybe? But one thing is for sure... the joy of rping is gone... I dont know if I'm just saying it because I'm having one of my episodes and none of those who said they wouldnt ignore me or whatever isnt even talking to me anymore... I wish rp was back to the way it was... where most people remembered that while the character is different from the ooc... doesnt stop from it hurting when it is done.We used to think about other people too...instead of saying to separate from the character. When we give lines that actually can go different ways and optuons instead of lines that make you struggle on what the reply would be... or Maybe its just a rambling of a sad creative mind... because I know people wont read it... Maybe It IS time for me to go. Rp makes me feel like I drive a knife into my heart whenever I open it anyways.