024

Told myself I was free from this darkness

but I was clearly wrong

and here I am, once again

writing a splurge of nothingness

desperate to calm myself

from the pain and stress 

that plans to drown me

unless I drown myself first.

 

Maybe it's all just accumulated stress

but the temptation is present once again

and I can't help but wish myself gone

and be reborn with a new identity

just to be able to get away from people

who does nothing but be judgemental

to get away from this society

of people who define you

by a single mistake you've done.

 

I tell myself to get better

to move on and forgive myself

to actually stop faking my courage

my strength and strong front

oh how I wish it were that easy

it would make things better

make memories sweeter

make my nights warmer.

 

But then again, my nights have always been warm

with the tears I shamelessly shed when i'm alone

because i'm too afraid to show them to other people

a side of me who actually feels things genuinely

a side of me without the whiny persona.

 

People call me a weirdo

and I bet you do too

but please remember not to judge

for the pain will remain forever.

 

Healing from the pain is a myth

all we do is forget until we remember once again

it's a non-ending process

that does nothing but kill you inside.