It’s been a long time since I felt so numb yet felt so much pain at the same time.
like I honestly want to die. And yet somehow I can’t, it’s quite frustrating actually.
to any of my friends or people that have considered themselves my friends or that I’ve considered a friend: I’m an insignificant speck on the timeline that is your life, but I cherished the time we had together, I love each and every one of you.
I might disappear, I might not. But don’t worry about me or be said, you’ll forget about me eventually. It might take a couple days, but it’ll happen so don’t feel bad.
to any of the people in my roleplays or people I’ve rolepayed with: I’m sorry I couldn’t do better. I’m sorry I didn’t reply fast enough or give better replies, if I had a character that hurt you somehow I’m sorry for that too.
all in all, I think it’s time for me to go...for real. I don’t know when, I don’t know how. And honestly I’m scared. I hate feeling like this...but I’ve held out for as long as I could. The only reason I ever had for staying doesn’t need me anymore. And that hurt the most I think...realizing that the one I raised as my son, that I stayed up countless nights caring for, took to school and taught him how to read, has his biological mother back in his life and doesn’t need me anymore.
And then there’s my stepdad, his birthday is this month. I’ve taken to blocking him because he just won’t leave me the alone. He kicked me out...twice. And has the nerve to try and emotionally manipulate me AGAIN to try and get me to give in to what he wants. Has the nerve to tell me to just “let it go” you. Maybe he’ll finally own up to his when I’m gone.
tl:dr being alone with my thoughts for too long is very dangerous and it very well might be the death of me
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