TRIGGER WARNING: This is a post about depression. Not d*cks. Sorry to disappoint. I mean I could probably talk about that too, but we do that enough as it is on this website, don't we (that is by no means something bad, don't get me wrong.) Alright. After this kind of ty joke and after warning you about the content of this blog post, here you go.
It was brought to my attention that a Korean woman (age 35) committed suicide during a live stream. Why? Because people told her to go kill herself after she told her viewers about her condition and feelings. If I have to tell people, why we should never, under any circumstances tell someone to go kill themselves, then please sit your down. It should be common sense to not tell someone to take their own life! It should not even haveto be a thing we have to discuss on the internet! If you joke with really close friends and you tell them stuff like that, then please make sure they are not suicidal on any level. Joke or not, it hurts people and it can push people over the edge. Those words are like slow poison, sawing on the branch they're sitting on.
You might not even know they have depression.
But depression is obvious, isn't it?
No, it's not! Not always and when it's not, it's the most dangerous kind of depression you can face (every form of depression is dangerous, don't get me wrong, I am talking about the people who are not the ones suffering. It's the most dangerous because you can't necessarily say the person has a condition at all). Because people who suffer from depression rarely talk about it AT ALL. They smile at you and tell you they're alright. They might complain about being sick or feeling under the weather or just being moody because they didn't sleep well. Those people go to work and class everyday because they have to. Or they don't show up all of a sudden because they were so tired their bones hurt. They sleep twelve hours and are still tired. They don't eat, or eat too much.
Depression has many faces.
It comes as the feeling of sudden sadness while doing something you normally love. While telling yourself to be productive only to end up doing nothing but watch ty shows on Netflix you don't even like. You don't find joy in the things you love anymore, in the people you used to cherish so much.
You hurt yourself by pushing them away, by provoking fights.
Or it comes by not being able to sleep at all. By falling asleep for three hours and then pacing around the room / apartment / house because you can't sleep anymore or you have nightmares. You feel too much or nothing at all. You can sit there and ask yourself while you feel so terribly alone in the middle of a room full of people. You get hurt so easily. Or you don't care at all. You're just waiting for everything to get worse. The feeling of not wanting to fight anymore is probably the worst feeling in the world.
Depression has many emotions.
Maybe you go from sad to angry in a heartbeat. Maybe you feel happy and suddenly there is nothing at all and your happiness turns into sorrow form one moment to the other. You can't explain why it happens. You get angry at yourself and then at others or all at once. You're angry at life. For not having a choice to be born. Maybe you pass the mirror and think "damn I'm ugly" and then you go put some makeup on and "yeah, still ugly". You feel fat, too skinny, not good enough. Never perfect even though you want to be. It's as if everybody is pulling your hair, as if you have something stuck between your teeth and it's making you antsy. You are so energizes this one moment and then you're drained and lifeless.
To quote a friend of mine: you can suddenly go from having this intense sadness to being intensely angry at literally Everyone and it can be like that for /months/ and you hate everything for existing and you just WANT to give ppl a reason to hate you
Depression is the new sickness of humanity. Not cancer.
The death rate of suicides is so much higher than we are aware of. In China, a young girl (age 14') wanted to jump out of the window because she wasn't able to complete her homework and got scolded for it. Why does stuff like this happen? Why are we pushing people to a point in society like this? We don't love our lives anymore, we feel like we are performing chores by standing up and functioning as "human beings" as "adults". We're exhausted and overwhelmed by life. And we turn safe spots into hell holes by telling people to kill themselves, by making people feel ty because we act as if the Internet is High School and you can't sit with us. We make young girls think they have to look like instagram models. We make young boys think they need to look like gold medal winners.
We are pushing an image onto ourselves that is toxic for us, for the world we live in.
Everybody is unique and that's good. We were created to be unique. We need to stop being bullies and start being lovers.
We need to turn ourselves into people we would like to hang out with, be friends with, be lovers with. We need to embrace those who are broken, accept that we are not okay and start working on those cracks. Do it like the Japanese. Fix broken things with gold and be proud of your scars.
But here is the thing:
Depression is not an excuse to behave like an . There, I said it. Once again. You hurt someone? Don't justify yourself by saying "I have depression I can't control what I say". Because you still have the choice of who you want to be. Don't be the demon those voices inside your head tell you to be. You have the choice of not letting them win. It happens. You lash out, you snap. But be a decent human being and apologize. Depression is not a reason to not be a good person. Create a world you'd want to live in. You do not have the right to make other people feel bad just because you're depressed.
Don't justify yourself by saying "they only understand if they're in my shoes" because that's not how it works. At all. It's a double edged sword. You hurt others and only get hurt in return and it makes you feel worse, pushes you further into this darkness you might not even understand yourself.
Please, let's not push children to the point of jumping from the 15th floor because of their homework. Please, let's stop telling people to kill themselves, even if it's just a joke. Let's start creating a world where women don't jump out their window with their dogs because they don't see a way out anymore.
You might say we can't change anything.
Maybe you're right.
But I will still try. Because perhaps we are the generation that s everything up. We should be the generation to fix everything. And if nobody starts, nothing will change. The mountain might not know about the pebble falling down the mountainside. But the pebble can start a landslide.
Let's become a landslide.
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