life updates? i think

bet ur all thinking, where has ya girl been?

just as the loves of my life have gone off to war, so too have i. i mean, is it just a coincidence that my last blog was almost a year ago, and thats when they started going off one by one. and over a year since their last cb?? kiwi u absolute simp 

but anyways, yes life has been like a war over this past year fr. went through a rly rough breakup after almost three yrs w the dude. in and out of the hospital and admitted for an entire week only to be gaslit and told to go home to suffer. weird family going on and people dying. when at work, pretty much being in charge of an entire hospital floor after only having been a nurse for 7 months??? half of that time being in orientation ofc. oh yea, and abdominal surgery a week ago, so the only great thing we got going on now is being out of work until may lmaooo

issok tho, im still alive and kickin and recovering well i think. 

but do u wanna know what the absolute worst part of all of this is???

no monsta x comeback since over a year ago. i am devastated. this is the mx-less chapter of my life, and i am hating it so bad. every album has its own era in my life, but this era willl have no album. just tears. and sadness. and a very big kihyun-shaped hole < / 3 maybe its just as well, tho. do i rly want an album that will just remind me of probably the worst time of my life? i dunno man 

anyways, simpy behavior aside. i think my frontal cortex is finally finished developing and im just like,,,, reconsidering things in my life, i guess? like- im a hoarder, especially with little things i receive from other people (ive never gotten a present in my entire life ahaha) so i have every scrap of paper a student gave me, every little thing that has a memory of friends in the past tied to it, all of it. i just looked at all the junk around my room and was just like 'why do i still have all of this? half of it is garbage, and most have no meaning to me anymore now that i've psychoanalyzed the outta it' so i finally decluttered and got rid of so much stuff and i feel so much lighter,,,, more free? like i dont have to tie myself to my past so hard, and i can finally let go and be free and figure out what my future will be. 

i honestly forgot where i was tryna go with all this bc im very loopy right now on these pain meds and i bet none of it makes any sense. but the words needed to get out anyhow. 

uhm, i love you guys. my brain is so tired rn but y'all are the best. xoxo kiwi 

if u love me back, go stream monsta x gambler 

if u dont love me back, go stream monsta x love so u can learn how to xoxo

if u have no specific feelings for me one way or another, go stream monsta x alligator bc it slaps and they look so good in the dance sequence at the end mmmm

if u want my dc just hit me up and then i can forget that that exists too hehehehh