... f-friend..?

it’s weird to me how people think i’m “intimidating”

like 

i can understand annoying, weird, or just a flat-out (because we all have our opinions, i don’t need to be liked by everyone) 

but it’s weird to me when people say “oh i wanted to be your friend but you were intimidating to me”

and yeah, if you have said that to me before i’m KINDA calling you out but not in a bad way ok

i just don’t see me as... intimidating? per se?

i see myself as someone who you just don’t want to be friends with or you do want to be friends with. there isn’t any middle ground because either you think i’m a cool enough person to want to be around or you think i’m a bit too much and want to stay away from me

and of course i understand not liking me because i CAN be a bit too much sometimes, but i surround myself with people who are too much too sooo

but. it’s just weird to me because i don’t find myself intimidating at all? i find other users intimidating because they have large groups of friends or they have been here a long time or they make a LOT of influential and popular rps or they’re friends with one of my friends but they’re better friends with my friend than i am so it’s intimidating bc idk them but they know my friends quite well

and the reason why i don’t think i fit into any of those categories because i 1) do not have a lot of friends- or groups. i used to think i did but then i went through a thing where i cut a lot of people off from my life and now i think i have a few close friends and such 2) i do NOt make popular or influential rps. i make creative rps, but they don’t get hugely popular or end up staying up for longer than a week. my longest running rp is ebae.com and you’ve got mai and 3) i don’t have any friends on rpr who is most important to me and i also am most important to them. it’s a sad fact but it’s been true my entire life so it’s no big deal. unless ur friends with venteux which i doubt because he’s awkward and usually it’s i’m friends with someone and someone notices we’re basically besties idk

this turned out to be a long blog post

anyways

i recently started getting friend requests from people i’ve seen around / are friends with people i’m friends with and it’s been kind of making me think “who are they???” and “why did they randomly send me a request?” i don’t think of it negatively, certainly not, but i just wondered. 

i have a few, dare i say it, influential and “popular” friends, but we don’t really keep in touch anymore and yeah we’re friends on rpr but i would say we’ve kind of grown apart to being aquaintances. i blame this on my whole “i’m not good enough for everyone so i should just push myself away” and because i don’t like joining rps that most people join

aND I DONT REPLY BACK which is my own fault but like i just. hate talking in private with some people idk why

anyways yeah

this turned out to be way longer than i thought and i’ll probably delete it later