@✾ kokomi • 'Someome who barely has the enengery to walk for more than about ten minutes isn't going to have the best expirience with a cities offerings,' he pointed out with gesture of his hand, 'I don't tend to go places because I simply can't handle it and no, there's no restrictions that I'm aware of. Heavy foods take a little longer to eat but I believe that's all.' Listening to her talk about someone else made his eyebrow twitch but he didn't comment, knowing if he did, it wouldn't be under the geize of his newly introduced softer side. And, well, breaking facade so early on tended to make a plan crash and burn; he was too smart for that.
It was still quite fresh in his mind, listening to the man as he sobbed and asked for forgiveness over his 'little mistake'. Scaramouche had no tolerance for traitors and weak people, those who were manipulated with ease to sell information; not only was he put to rest but so were the people he'd spoken to. He didn't, however, appreciate the actions staining his favorite rug or the bottom of his robes but every action had its prices. However, he was more than content with the performance he put on for the man's family, offering them saddened condolences when they heard of his "terrible accident". He simply clicked his tongue in response.
'Oh, I'm sure they're doing just fine,' he answered, showing a genuine smile, 'we sent a little gift to the family.' Of course, he wasn't going to expand on just what that entailed but he did brush it off, considering it a mere droplet of evil compared to the things he'd actually done. 'We never heard word that he never made it, especially upon the gift, so I have no reason to believe he didn't. But, like I said, the letter did seem a little.. shady. Who knows?'
'I wouldn't ask you to work with me for no compensation,' he pointed out, tilting his head, 'that would just be rude. Friendship and forgiveness put aside, it is still a job.. consider it a split. I didn't need to forgive you to hire you, this would be business.' Going over business was second nature to him, things just flowing with ease. 'I doubt you'll cause any trouble or harm to the family name,' he chuckled, 'the more you worry about messing up, the more likely it is to happen. But yes, by all means.. I'll work something out with your schedule and I'm sure it'll be fine.' He hadn't actually taken the time to look at what she was wearing but she wasn't the type to not look presentable, especially while at work. 'You look perfectly fine. Not many people dress more than presentable besides, well.. those of us that have to,' he commented, gesturing to the robes he wore, something of traditional colors and all from his new home.
Despite generally being lead around, Scara knew very well where he was headed, able to follow the path with his eyes closed. His attention shifted to one of the statues and he hummed softly in acknowledgment of it, shaking his head more to himself at the differences he could point out. 'I fear you may end up not too happy with me after this meeting,' he said, no context and glancing to her as he shifted their path along the side of the compound, 'but heed my earlier words if you find yourself thinking.' Those were his only words as he was greeted by one of the guards, stepping aside to let them both in. He checked to make sure she was close occasionally, not wanting her to get lost in a place that could put her in a rather dangerous position; upon finding the correct room, he stopped and gestured her to sit, Ei and himself being the last to arrive.
@• scaramouche • you haven't!? seriously?? scara... now i really do have to show you around the place. there are so many good restaurants and stalls to eat at- i can assure you that you will /never/ get tired of eating out in inazuma city. mhm, you won't regret it! i promise i'll find something that you will like. though, is there anything i need to know in advance that i shouldn't introduce you to? say, spicy food or anything with... beans? a frequent customer and friend of mine is incredibly allergic to beans- when i heard how bad of a reaction he can get from just being in contact with one; i was so so worried for him... though thankfully, nothing major has happened yet. anyways! sorry for rambling- but do let me know if there is anything which is an immediate no.
listening along to his words, kokomi silently glanced at scaramouche. observing his features as he spoke of his once assistant. though noticing the little smile that crept up on his lips, kokomi excused it to being a pity smile for the departed associate. she couldn't imagine if the other hadn't returned home- how would his family manage without him? would they be able to survive such a tragedy? empathy raced through her nerves as she hummed softly- slightly faltering in step, though, hoping her slip wasn't noticed.
it is... unfortunate, to say the least. if only there had been someone to help him- maybe none of this would have happened then. though, i suppose that would have been unlikely, right? i wonder how his family is managing... i can't imagine the pain they are going through right now if he actually happened not to have returned home.
ah! thank you, scara, truly. but you don't have to pay me at all. consider this as my thanks for... for forgiving me. a- and if you're worried about me doing half the job your previous assistant did, then fear not because i promise to put in the hard work! i wouldn't want to 'cause any mishaps in your career. but uhm, alright then! i can send you over my schedule one of these days, and we can perhaps work it out? i'll be free all of today, so you don't have to worry about that. though, should i- should i change into something a little more meeting appropriate? or... is what i'm wearing alright? i personally don't really want to make a fool of you...
mumbling the last few words, kokomi unconsciously pouted. she wanted to be a good temporary worker- even though it didn't seem like she had a bunch of work to do; kokomi still felt she had the audacity to at least prepare before hurdling into something completely out of her territory. linking her hands together behind her back, the florist stared straight ahead- occasionally glancing over at a few shops. following scaramouche like a lost puppy, kokomi clearly didn't know where they were going. of course, she semi-knew where her excellency was located- but were they going to the meeting through a secret backdoor somewhere or at the main entrance? mysteries upon mysteries.
@• kokomi • 'I think everyone is capable of taking advantage, even if they don't realizing they are doing so.. You may never have the intention to, but it is possible,' he mused, more or less teasing by the end, 'I don't think you're capable of purposely doing anything with bad intentions. Ah.. little ol' me, working with something of the sort? That's quite a thought, huh?' Scara chuckled and smiled, knowing very well if she ever found out about that side of his life, things wouldn't go so smoothly for their newly rekindled friendship. He couldn't have that, could he? 'I may not seem like it, but I do worry for the safety of those I actually like while traveling to such a dangerous place.. besides, if somethin were to happen to you, it would be on me, considering it's my responsibility to take care of those in Snezhnaya.'
He was content to know she seemed happy to be going along with him, using that thought to keep his mind away from the amount of people around them; Scara was many things and capable of far too much but dealing with too many people tended to overwhelm him. He hummed in acknowledge at the pat and glanced to her, knowing the intentions behind it but not saying a word.
'Hm.. I don't think I've been to either place,' he mumbled, looking around briefly, 'normally when I'm here, there's food brought with us for the sake of safety.' He hadn't much thought about it before, realizing he'd never really tried the cuisine anywhere but of home, not after he'd moved away. 'That would be lovely, I'll let you pick.. You have more experience around here.'
Scara thought about it for a moment, wondering if he could tell her the real reason without actually telling her. A small, wicked little smile formed on his lips at the game he'd set up in his mind but he brushed all that aside, clicking his tongue. 'It seemed he got himself into trouble and some people weren't going to let him off so easily. We received a letter of his return home, however.. I don't believe he actually made it back. It's a shame, really.'
'I don't see how it would interfere,' he commented, 'I wouldn't offer you something without thinking of your own business. You will be paid for this as well, yes, but I don't believe taking you fully away from the work you love would be too fair of me. You would mostly attend the meetings with me, answer questions, help with unknown things in the area.. It's been a long time since I've really seen or been anywhere in Inazuma outside of business.. so no, I don't see anything that would cause you any lost time.'
@• scaramouche • well, that's not right! i get that it's a common thing to experience in general, but... i don't know. it all seems just unjust, don't you think so? even then, i hope that you know i'd never take advantage of you. i mean, not like i could anyways, haha. hmm, sure~ next thing i know, you start revealing to me how you've been working for a shady business, ehehe. ah, no... of course, i couldn't blame you for only being worried about your friend. i suppose... i suppose i'll take you up on your offer then!
smiling giddily, kokomi walked along with a jump in her step. involuntarily shaking her head at scaramouche's lack of care for himself. though, as much as she wanted to chastise him for not eating his meals properly- she could only offer a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. she knew he already had enough to deal with; making it worse by scolding him wasn't going to help either of them.
we could try to find something to eat in kiminami restaurant- hmm, or maybe at uyuu? either way, you're going to love their food. it's truly delicious! one obviously can't go wrong with food~ maybe after, i could get you some dessert to finish it all off?
oh? that's unfortunate... is there a reason why he had to leave?
frowning slightly, kokomi felt bad at the fact scara's previous companion hadn't been able to uphold his position. hoping they were at least doing well in life, kokomi decided to drop it. though not long before scara came with an offer that sent kokomi widening her eyes, the florist directed her gaze at him- confused, excited, unsure- she was surprised, to say the least. fidgeting with her fingers, kokomi weighed out the pros and cons of being his assistant for the time being. it's not like it was going to hurt anyone, right?
i wouldn't mind helping, scara. this just means i'll be joined to your hip for the remainder of your stay in inazuma! but, i do have to ask- will i still be able to run my shop? i will gladly be your temporary assistant as long as it doesn't clash with my shop. do you think that would be alright with you?
@• kokomi • 'Oh yeah? That sounds about right, I feel like you could sell anything to anyone,' he mused, attempting to compliment her on her business skills, 'even if I didn't like flowers, I have no doubt you could sell them to me. You could be right, the world works in mysterious ways.'
'You could say that.. I believe people enjoy taking advantage of people's kindness. People can be.. selfish and cruel, it's quite annoying, human nature.' Scara simply smiled at the words, tilting his head. 'Me? I wouldn't be capable of such,' he was good at hiding the mockery to his comment, brushing it off with ease, 'Can you blame me for wanting to make sure you're safe? I want to show you around and maybe even assistant your little project without your lungs turning into ice.'
His nose twitched up, features scrunching in a way that showed his distaste, still feeling like the topic could be a ticking time bomb. He appreciated her answer and it eased him considerably but he decided to put an end to it, not wanting to voice his other concerns. As the person who stood as the face to a nation, he couldn't very well speak down too much about another in front of her people and of course, he knew how others viewed himself.
'I haven't had a single thing to eat since I woke upon arrival, so I think that would be a wonderful idea. Ah, there tends to be a different one for each place.. the one for Inazuma, he.. had to depart from the job.' Ah yes, he recalled the snarky comments from the last companion assigned to the nation, his jaw clenching a bit harshly before he relaxed, putting his neutral expression back on display.
His tongue clicked at the nickname, one he'd heard plenty of times before that made his bones cold; he never was sure if he enjoyed it or not, it d his power obsession just a little too much. Scara let out a small hum as he began to walk, internally cursing the amount of people, he wasn't fond of crowds but that's what happened when you lived a secluded life and grew wary of every person. 'You know.. on the topic of an assistant, would you like to help until we find one? You'd have to agree to the terms, still, but.. you could very well join me for the meeting.'
@• scaramouche • watching his features shift into that of a once youthful child, kokomi couldn't help but admire his beauty. it was nice to see him letting loose for once. though, at the expense of her worriedness that brought him into such a joyful state. bringing a hand to cover , kokomi let out a stifled giggle before shaking her head.
you silly goof- who's to say i wouldn't have run after you myself? any person that dares to look at my flowers is automatically a potential customer. but, regardless if this gives you a piece of mind or not; i'm grateful you didn't walk away. call it faith, but i think we were bound to see each other again one way or another.
hm... have you had people take advantage of your kindness before? i know being an heir to the estate and business is hard work, but i never imagined that it would lead to you having such a sour opinion in meeting others! ah, yes- as long as i uphold a steady plan forward, i think it should work in the end! oh, but scara... i really wouldn't want to burden you. i could honestly just find a nearby inn to stay for a couple of days! sheesh, you make sound like you are a part of the mafia~
tilting her head in surprise, kokomi's eyes widened from his words as she raised a hand to wave it off. of course, she had no problem discussing such trivial matters with other people. to be quite fair, she enjoyed it. being able to talk about random things without having to worry about coming off as crude or insincere to the other- it was definitely a breath of fresh air.
it's not discomforting at all. don't ever feel hesitant to tell me your views in such areas! i may not be as much of an expert as you are- but i'll gladly give my input if you would like. hm, i suppose i understand that, yes. one shouldn't feel obliged to give respect or even like a person if they feel it is unnecessary!
ah, i should be free. maybe we could also get something to eat if you ever feel hungry after your meeting. it's not good for a young man to skip his meals. oh, yes i forgot- you probably have an assistant who follows right after you, no? anyways, lead the way, your highness~
chuckling softly at her own teasing, kokomi extended out a hand to him, leading him out of the shop and into the streets. it was more or less crowded, but at least kokomi could be grateful for the beautiful weather. it wasn't as sunny as it was at the start of the working hours, and the temperature definitely felt windier than usual. surely such a kind climate could treat the two young individuals well for now.
@• kokomi • 'I'm speaking so casually about it because I want you to understand that I'm okay with it. That sounds selfish, yes, but if the person going through it is ready to face it.. it's on everyone else to simply accept it,' he added on before pursing his lips, deciding the wording wasn't too good for once, 'My point.. is that the few people I know may feel something upon my leaving will understand that it's okay.. I've gone through things in my lifetime, however short, that I'm more than content to leave behind.' He wasn't sure if he was making it any better or even conveying the message he was even trying to get across but it was an attempt. The attempt was the best he could do, considering who he was, and looked at her with a small frown.
'I wouldn't argue with ever spending time with you,' he answered, 'I did say I would visit more and as much as I would complain about you visiting me due to the weather, I won't decline.. who knows, one of these days we could go on our own adventure together.'
For the first time in a while, he let out an actual laugh, his features lighting up just so and maybe it hurt a little more than it should have, but he ignored it for the sake of the conversation. 'You're saying sorry right now? I'd be a little upset if you just shrugged off my potential death, Koko but I'm not going to be mad at you for being honest or showing how you feel. That's quite silly. I'm going to worry regardless.. I won't know how it will effect you because I'm not you and part of me feels that it was wrong of me not to walk away earlier; you would have been much better off never knowing.' Scara nodded in agreement at the kitchen scene but he knew she would find a way somehow. 'I would be more than happy to go along with whatever set up you deem right.'
'One day, I think you'll come to realize that my kindness isn't something I give out so easily.. in my line of work, not many people deserve such, sadly that becomes evident.' He waved a hand to brush it off, not thinking much of the comment. 'I see.. like a little experiment.. I don't think it would be too hard, if I'm honest.' He thought it was nice, actually, wanting to bring the flowers of other places to one spot for people to experience, he was genuinely warmed at the idea. 'Any time you plan to go there, I want you to let me know.. I'll have someone help you. No ifs, ands, or buts. And, I will know- no one steps foot on the ground without me knowing.'
'I'm sorry if it's discomforting for you but you are a citizen here, I wanted to share my thought.. not to bother you but to gauge, I suppose? We are on the same level of authority, so I know my respect should be in place but I.. can't give my respect to someone like her.' His eyebrows pulled together in slight annoyance before he brushed it off, offering a light smile. 'Don't mind me, I can get carried away when it comes to things of the sort.' The last thing he wanted to do was annoy her with his political bantering. 'I do appreciate you listening.' His fingers flexed and he looked at his hand for a moment, fingers waving.
'I always have time afterwards, if you're free.' Rising from his seat, he moved the chair back to where it belonged and fixed his attire, pushing his hair back with a low hum. 'Even if I'm late, I'll never be the one walking in last,' he mused.
@• scaramouche • it felt like everything had frozen in place. she didn't want to admit it, but of course, she knew that he didn't have enough time left before the inevitable took its course. but just once, just one time, did she hope to live a few more years in his presence. now, she can't even hope for such a dream when every waking day she's only going to dread the worst. she didn't want to live like this- she didn't want scara to see her in this state. he's already going through enough struggles that her own worries were just going to pile up more and more onto him. for now, all she had to do was trust and support him no matter what. forget about her own feelings for a second and ensure that at least he can lean on her whenever he so pleases.
i... i promise. i'll try not to let my emotions get the better of me, just for you. but, before we jump into such.. depressing matters- i want to be at least able to spend more time with you. do you think that will ever be possible?
as much as she truly wanted to believe him- as much as she wanted to digest every single word he uttered. she just couldn't. all of this? it wasn't fair. shifting uncomfortably in her seat, kokomi was just about to get up and clear her head until she felt the touch of his cool skin on top of her hand. biting her lower lip, kokomi wouldn't dare look in his face- she didn't want him to see her in the mess of a state she was in. he probably already knew how vulnerable she was feeling at the moment, though his incoming words further proved that probability. he noticed. he noticed the little shifts in her expressions that she desperately tried to hide. looking right back up at him, kokomi allowed the creases in her face to make way for a frown.
i know... i'm sorry. i just don't want you to worry. i'm sure it's already hard enough dealing with your own things. i just don't want to add on more to your already full plate. mmm, if it's about the humidity levels in the kitchen and the overall hot pots you have to touch- don't worry, i'll find a safe place for us to make tea together. you know i'm not the kind to back down from a challenge.
hmm, so you're saying i'm the only one worthy of such kindness from you? dare i say that i'm flattered? but no, if you are capable of showing me your compassionate side- i'm sure such a thing can be shown to others if you tried. ah, thank you for asking- i'm basically trying to find the difference in how each exotic flower type is able to grow in their preferred climate and how i'd be able to maintain such conditions if i were to grow them in my shop! though, rather than just visiting snezhnaya, i'll be visiting the other nations too! ah, but scara- i promise i'll be careful! it's not every day you get to visit another nation with a weather so far from the one you're most used to.
moving her chair closer to the foot of the table, kokomi leaned in a little- clearly invested in his findings. it's not that she had anything to input in what he had to say but hearing a different opinion about her excellency clearly piqued her interest. she wasn't one for politics nor had any interest in how the nation was run, but the fact scara held a not so particularly positive view against her excellency was truly surprising. she mostly expected people in his field would up to such high-grade people. though, definitely not scara. snapping out of her thoughts, kokomi squeezed his hand before letting go and standing up from her seat.
of course, i would love to! there's so much i want to show you around inazuma city too... but i'm sure that can wait for another time. i wouldn't want you to be late for your meeting.
@• kokomi • 'I've lived most of my life getting asked questions, it's something I'm quite accustomed, too and thankfully, I'm not very sensitive. So, by all means, ask whatever you like.' Looking down, he raised a hand to brush his fingertips along the edge of the table, offering a small shrug. 'I became friends with my demons and ailments long ago, so I'm not concerned.. It's not something you want to hear but I came to terms facing death already, as well. Of course I've been told worse.' By worse, he wanted to say he'd heard people call him several bad things, threatened him and a few other things but none of them ended well. 'Like I said, you can't fix an immune system. He's keeping me alive and well enough to do the things I need to do, Koko,' he answered and offered her a soft, almost pitiful frown, 'What are we to do..? Well, if it gets worse.. then, you prepare for the inevitable. I may not be dying now but it will come and I do believe it's something to be prepared for. I was never promised a long life, nor have I ever promised to live one.' He knew his passing would come as a celebration to more than it would a tragedy or maybe he was overthinking that. 'Though, I already know who will arrive at my burial with the prettiest flowers.. you can promise me that, no? There's no one I trust more.. but, when the time comes, don't cry.' It was a horrible, almost heartless request but he had his reasons.
Studying her, Scara knew the topic would only grow more and more morbid and he didn't want to do that to her. Talks of the sort no longer really phased him but he could see she wasn't fond of the possibilities. 'I wouldn't put it past you to find me even at the ends of the earth, you're too hard headed to quit. However, we both know I didn't mean it that way when I said I wouldn't come back.' Raising from his chair, he managed to nudge it a little closer before settling once more, reaching out to lightly rest a hand on her own. 'Having enough time, well.we'll.. I can't even tell you that but in the end, wouldn't that be enough in its own? After the years we've been apart, I would think that any time at all spent before then is better than nothing. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.. I'll be fine, okay?' He knew she wasn't going to take that as an answer and let it go but, he couldn't say he didn't try.
'It's going to sound hypocritical of me but you don't have to hide your emotions,' he pointed out, a nudge at the way her expression seemed to shift and change like she didn't know what to show; he was more happy to see the frown than something that wasn't sincere. Scara wasn't good with his emotions, so he was doing his best not to simply sit like a doll but it was a struggle in its own. He did, however, wish the moment would last longer but he felt the time wasn't on his side.
'You can't blame me for being honest,' he mused with a click of his tongue, bringing his elbow up to rest against it once more, 'I wouldn't mind the lesson, though I don't know how well it will go.. there's reasons I'm not exactly allowed in the kitchen. I'm sure you could teach me something. And I will, even if it's not me, you'll know I haven't forgotten.' He nodded a couple times, knowing he didn't often get to leave the compound unless for business.
He would never say it out loud but Scara hadn't felt so at ease it quite some time, finding some type of comfort in her presence that he'd forgotten was real. He had people in his life that eased him but never so much and it reminded him just why he'd gotten so attached to her; he felt like some lost animal having imprinted on someone who took him in. 'It's nice to see you smile,' he pointed out, 'not many people around me have a tendency to do that.'
'You, my dear, are the only person who can look me in the eye and say something of the sort, for you're the only one who will ever see any of that kindness.' Glancing around, he knew the hour was passing far too quickly, meaning he would eventually have to excuse himself but it dampened his mood a good bit. 'A project? And, what type of project would bring you to such a place as frozen over hell? Handling yourself.. is easy when you travel to nations that are normal with easy living conditions. Have you not heard rumors? Even pausing for the slightest second in Snezhnaya could be fatal.'
His eyebrows pulled together at his answer but he was thankful it didn't seem like such an odd conspiracy to someone. 'Most nations have the same following.. but, its been proven in the past; you can't trust a leader who doesn't trust you. As someone who has seen and spoken with her, I've never been able to put together the pieces. From what I've gathered, there's nothing to hide.. nothing that would make it seem so imperative that she stay a hidden figure. I suppose.. I will just have to wait and see? But, I wouldn't be surprised if one day the people of Inazuma grow tired of it.' Scara pressed his lips into a line before sighing deeply. 'On that note, though.. I should be off.. I'm not sure if it's too much to ask considering I've kept you this long but, would you like to accompany me for the walk?'
@• scaramouche • well- no one likes being asked such trivial questions. can you blame me for being even a little worried? hmm, i figured you were. i mean, from what i've learnt so far- you're just really good at masking your emotions. though, that doesn't necessarily equate for you to being calm during such a time. but, i guess i understand... after living through such a hardship for ages, you get used to it. you've... you've been told worse things? scara, that's horrible! why would anyone- urgh nevermind that. i just don't understand- if your doctor has been trying his best, how is there no improvement whatsoever in your health? you're not dying, sure, but what if things only get worse from here on out? what are we to do then?
no, no- it's not that. i don't care if you decide to up and leave at any moment. though, if you choose to do so i'll have you know that i will make it my first priority to find you- even if that sounds kind of creepy... but, regardless; how will i know if i have enough time to spend with you? there must be some other way, right? there must be something we can do to help you.
frowning slightly, kokomi hadn't expected her emotions to do the talking. ever since the fated day she left the estate, never once did she stray from her calm and level-headed nature. it was crucial for her not to let a single intense feeling slip that would blow all of her plans to start a new life into smithereens. ultimately, she couldn't risk it. though, in the current case, right in front of her, she didn't want to put a front on the one person that truly understood her. that would just be breaking his trust. shaking her head of such depressing thoughts, kokomi let out a soft chuckle- sticking her tongue out at him.
whaaa scara! i know i'm reckless, but you don't have to rub it in... hehe. hmm, ah- i figured... but well- considering how you aren't back at home, and you're obviously alone for the time being, would you like for me to teach you sometime? i promise it's not as hard as it looks! oh and, well, i expect you to start making frequent trips to my shop then~
having stifled a giggle, kokomi gazed back at scaramouche with as much sincerity as she could possibly convey with merely her eyes. it was a wholesome moment between the two young individuals. it felt almost as though they had time travelled back to their childhood days. a peaceful and blissful moment. humming to herself, kokomi tilted her head slightly; smiling at scara fondly.
hmm, i don't know scara. it seems like you already know the answer, albeit being sarcastic about it! aw, but scara- you don't have to ask me at all. i anyways had plans to visit each nation for a small research project i'm conducting. oh please... i'm not a little girl anymore. i can handle myself just as much as you can for yourself.
to be quite honest with you, yes- it is odd. you would think her excellency would at least try to mingle with the public, but... things have never really gone that way. call it tradition? i personally don't follow what each nation's ruler does, but perhaps she has her reasons? what do you think, scara. i know you are going to meet with her soon, but what sense do you make of this?
@• kokomi • 'Why is it that you think I would be mad, exactly?' His eyebrow twitched slightly but he let his features settle back to neutral, wondering how any response would ignite such a response. 'I'm good at hiding a lot of things, you know? You become good at that eventually. You'd be correct and I'm sure you don't actually want to hear that but I'm in pain.. a good bit of the time, just not agonizing. If that were the case, I wouldn't be sitting here so calmly.' Scara was pretty good at making sure no one could tell he was in pain, it only brought on annoyances from maids and possible medication that would make him feel icky later on. 'I hide my discomfort when I find it necessary. I don't mind your inputs, there's no boundaries.. I've been told much worse things than what you're going to come up with, you just won't face the same consequences.' The question was one he'd heard before, though the answer was apparently never satisfactory; he cut his urge to sigh without another drink. 'Did you know.. once the immune system starts to break down and weaken, you can't actually strengthen it? I'm not dying. I'm just not fully living. My doctor has been.. doing his best. He's on a trip to seek different treatments currently,' he muttered the last part, rolling his eyes.
Shifting in his seat, he pulled his hand back to cross his arms over his lap. 'If you're concerned about me leaving one of these days and not coming back, you're overthinking.' He hoped it would help, even a little, but his health had become indifferent to himself. If he were to pass during his sleep or simply fall far too ill to handle one day - well, he'd already come to terms with that. 'If you have any questions, feel free to ask. You aren't going to offend me.'
Scara chuckled, more or less knowing she'd tell her tale one way or the other. He was clearly amused as he listened, the little smile never really fading. 'On a completely honest note, it sounds absolutely like something you'd do,' he mused, 'however, I'm sadly not without the same type of incident.. which is exactly why I'm not allowed in the kitchen. Among other reasons but.. mistakes happen. I'd be careful though, I may just start taking trips just for tea.'
'You are correct.' Even the sad foliage around his home made him happy, regardless of how frozen or sad it seemed. 'Does it? Are you about to tell me it says something about being secretly sweet or gentle?' He questioned, snorting softly. 'I'd really like that but I would never ask it of you.. You would have to been quite prepared, I wouldn't want you having a hard time.'
His lips pursed and he knew political things weren't generally a smart topic but, he was simply offering a thought. 'The only people who have ever even seen her belong to her staff and the few of us that speak on a nation's behalf.. Does that not strike anyone else as odd..? I don't believe a good leader sits behind so many secrets. Call me rude..or, even disrespectful but I would be curious as to why your own people aren't allowed to even see your face. You don't have to comment on this, I know it's quite off topic.. I've just been thinking about it lately, preparing to see her again.'
@• scaramouche • playfully rolling her eyes at his insistence, kokomi waved the wrist of her hand at him; signalling a truce in his offer and leaving it as it is. dusting bits of specs off her dress from whence she was in the kitchen, kokomi froze- cringing at herself for letting her expression slip so easily. it's not like she deliberately wanted him to see or expect the things she was thinking about. mentally slapping herself in the face, the florist relieved a hesitant sigh before diverting her attention back to him.
will you be mad if i say both? i know it isn't my place to interfere right now, but i just can't help but imagine how you were able to hide it so well and live like this! i know i'm making it sound as if you're in some kind of agonising pain but- what if you actually are? you were able to hide it from me when we were younger. so, who's to say that you aren't hiding your discomfort from me right now? if i'm overstepping my boundaries, please tell me. but, let's say this doctor of yours has been treating you for ages- why hasn't anything been found yet? a cure that can help or at least a treatment to slow things down!
letting out a frustrated huff, kokomi leaned back against her chair; crossing her arms against her chest. it wasn't like her to be this passionate about something other than her own career, so for her to get that off her chest finally felt good. though she wasn't sure how scara would take it. would he brush it off and move on to a new topic or be vague about his tellings? kokomi was being as curious as a cat- but will scara's words bring her any satisfaction?
different and not bad? well, i appreciate the compliment! aww, but scara- i was waiting for you to ask me. hmm, either way, i'm gonna tell you! so, when i started living alone i didn't really have any money- hence one reason as to why i couldn't make tea 'cause it's such a luxury. but, when i had the money, i was able to indulge myself a little. however, this one time- i was so out of my element that i accidentally spilt the brewed tea on myself. never again did i make tea after that day, haha. though i'm glad, i could make it for you now without any hesitancy.
i think that's what makes you special. it makes you, well, you! anyone could try to change you as much as they would like, but your love for flowers is all you, scara. i think that says a lot about who you really are as a person. hmm, i can guess you aren't too fond of it either... then, maybe when you do head back to snezhnaya, i can come visit you sometime? oh! seriously? well, i myself have never met her excellency, so i can't form a baseless opinion about her. though, why do you think i would find it suspicious? your line of work is important. it only makes sense that you would want to meet her, no? unless...
@• kokomi • Out of habit, he followed the way her features moved as she spoke, something he'd caught himself doing a couple years back. He wasn't sure if it was due to his training when it came to political conversation or if he found some weird comfort in seeing the expressions that followed certain words. 'How sweet,' he cooed, 'but, I won't be leaving without purchasing a few things to make up for the time and no, you can't argue.'
'You don't have to look at me like I'm going to fall apart if the wind blows too hard,' he pointed out, quite easily catching the tell tale gaze; it wasn't the first time he'd seen it and it wouldn't be the last. 'However, I can't tell if you have questions or if you're just overthinking. Which is it?' Scara wouldn't react one way or the other when it came to his health as he'd grown nonchalant to the subject. 'I have a doctor who looks after me,' he added, hoping it put some type of ease to her mind.
He fell quiet to listen, offering a short nod as he thought back to the times. Reminiscing wasn't something he was fond of but for once, he looked back on his past with something that wasn't bitter. 'I suppose you're right.. it is different now. It's not bad, though,' he reassured, taking a sip from his cup, 'now you have me curious but I won't pry. Of course, I never lost my love for them. It's odd, don't you think? The person I am now and I still happen to fawn over flowers.'
'The type of place that if you aren't prepared, you'll stop breathing in about.. what was it.. zero point two seconds? Ah yes.. home.' Sarcasm oozed into his tone and he briefly glanced away, clearly showing his own distaste. 'I adore your optimism but I'm not allowed to do that. The compound is in Snezhnaya and it will be staying there.. it may be quite a hell hole but it is safe. I'm still an important person, you know? I've heard but have yet to see it.. it sounds like somewhere I'd really enjoy.' Sightseeing had never been crossed off his bucket list and it , if he was telling the truth, but he had no control over it; he didn't like to linger on things he didn't have control over. 'I might be but they'll just have to wait, no? I'm in no rush to meet with the lead of your nation.. she's never been my cup of tea. It's quite odd saying that to someone who lives here considering I've seen and met her.. and no one here has. Doesn't that strike you as suspicious?'
@• scaramouche • oh, please- i'm sure my customers can wait at least a few hours for me to catch up with my favourite person. I'm not going to lose the business if i slack off one day! besides, what's the worse thing that could happen? lose a few customers? i could honestly care less. i would much rather lose them than- and i'm sorry for being cheesy, but i would much rather you continue staying in my life from now onwards! whether you like it or not~
humming softly to herself, kokomi watched as he held on to the cup. as much as she didn't want to dwell on it, she couldn't help but worry about him. how long was he going to manage in this state? sure, for now, he'll be able to walk with slight ease, but- who's to say that an uneventful day won't arrive and leave the poor boy even more sick than when he was younger? fidgeting with her fingers, kokomi glanced over at scaramouche with worry etched on her face before concealing it with a polite smile.
hmm, i'd like to say that it depends. remember when we were younger, i used to make tea for us daily? not to brag, but i believe at that time i had the skill for it! though, now, i think i could use a little work. i haven't made tea in well, ages- there's a stupid reason for it, but its embarrassing to even think about, let alone say haha. oh! well, i'm not surprised that flowers can and will still capture your attention anytime~
mmm, i wish you didn't have to live in such a cold place. from what I've heard and read online, there's nothing much to even do in a hellish place like that. have you ever thought about moving locations? liyue is a beautiful place! even sumeru- oh, scara~ sumeru has such beautiful flowers encompassing the land. we really should visit such places sometime. but, oh! aren't you technically late for your meeting right now? it sounds... really important
@• kokomi • 'I've always been a pessimist,' he commented, 'but you can't blame me for not wanting to ease how high up your hopes could get. I don't want you to realize just how much is changed and realize it may cause some rift. I promise to do my best to keep that from happening but I can't guarantee anything.'
Scara didn't like making promises he couldn't keep; he didn't like making promises at all but the last thing he wanted was for her to think he wasn't trying. He would put his all into making sure things were okay and their friendship would hopefully get back to where it belonged but he couldn't guarantee anything entirely. They were both still human. He was more than happy to follow along and settle at the table, fixing his robes with a faint smile; it didn't linger long but enough to mean something. 'That doesn't mean customers won't stop by and I don't want to halt your business.'
Chuckling faintly, he rested against his palm, watching after her with a slowly softening gaze, the purple hues becoming not so dull and harsh. 'If I thought you were wasting my time, I would not be here,' he mused and as much as he knew people didn't like it, he was still a very honest person. He took the moment to relax, thankful for the ease it put on his joints and letting him get his mind off the slight sting. He didn't really mind the wait, content to take the time and speak after what wasn't exactly the calmest of greetings.
'Does it take that much skill to make tea?' An eyebrow rose slowly and maybe he wasn't too skilled in the kitchen to know better. Reaching out, he let a perpetually cold hand settle against the warm surface and a hum followed. 'You could say that.. I am supposed to be heading for a nation's meeting but I saw the flowers and wandered off. Flowers aren't exactly thriving in the Sneznhaya weather.'
@• scaramouche • should you even have to ask? you caught me off guard- is all. but, i do think it's worth it. everything about this? yes, so very much worth it.
kokomi expected his hesitance and was planning to let him go, but whence he reciprocated the feeling; it made her stop. such a beautiful moment that kokomi will cherish albeit the rough start. shaking her head, she glanced over at him yet again, playfully glaring up at him from the teasing edge of his words. the ambiance of the shop felt much lighter than it did before which all around made the florist ease a little before grasping scaramouche's hand and leading him to the vacant seat. freeing her hand, kokomi raised both hands as she shook her head.
absolutely not. i anyways made sure to close the shop beforehand and i don't think i have any other orders to be delivered until later in the evening so everything should be fine for now. i do hope i'm not taking up much of your time though! i shall make your tea quick then- i really don't want to waste your time so give me a moment.
rushing over to the counter where a door was situated right adjacent to it, kokomi found herself in a tight space with all the necessary kitchen essentials on the side. remembering his likeness to warm tea, kokomi decided to fish out a tea bag packet of chamomile before proceeding with the process. having it done in almost record time, kokomi wrapped her palms around the cup before slowly walking over to where scaramouche was and setting it down on the table. settling down on the chair opposite him, kokomi rested her arms against the tabletop.
my skills in tea making have gotten slightly rusty- i'm sorry if it doesn't taste that good. i should probably start making more tea from now-onwards. anyways, i never asked you this but, what's with the visit to inazuma city? are you on a business trip or something?
@• kokomi • He felt like he was giving himself whiplash with his behavior as only one other person had ever seen him in such a vulnerable place. Part of him wanted to get used to it, to live like this from now on and show people the kindness he actually held but that wasn't an option. Something about her and the entire ordeal seemed to make it easier or maybe it was the pent up frustration being released after so long, it felt like a weight had lifted. He knew he was still going to struggle with things but she didn't need to know that. The last thing he wanted to do was bring any further strain between them.
Scara didn't expect the look he was given but he didn't argue or comment, even showing his own, crooked little smile in return. 'I will let you decide if it's worth it,' he stated, letting her be in charge of if his new life and views were fitting for her lifestyle or not, secrets aside. He couldn't ignore how badly he'd missed her, missed having anyone around that didn't look at him like he was some type of criminal and maybe it would be better to start off with the truth but he would wait. He would let things take their natural course in life.
He hummed faintly in response, not much wanting to point out the lie within the words and just nodded, letting her believe as she would. He would never hurt her on purpose, of course not. 'I will do my best as well, I can assure you.' As his lips parted to hush her on the subject, his eyes ended up widening slightly as he took a single, slight step back at the sudden contact. Scaramouche hadn't hugged someone in what felt like forever, so he hesitated for a handful of seconds before offering the gesture back from his free arm, a small laugh sounding. 'Are you content now?' It was light teasing but he knew it was better than worrying her further.
His gaze shifted to glance in the direction he mentioned before looking back down to her. His mind wandered to his traveling companion who'd probably already begun searching for him; instead of bothering with that, he reluctantly let his hand slide free and nodded. 'That would be nice, actually. Though, I'm not cutting into needed time, am I?'
@• scaramouche • leaning against his touch, kokomi found herself enjoying the sentimental moment despite how things had previously turned out. as much as she tried not to admit it to herself, she genuinely missed him. his gentle touch- his soft words; that was the friend she remembers dearly and is able to see in that current state now.
gently bringing a hand to the top of his head, kokomi patted his fluffy hair slowly, taking in the silence. humming to herself, she figured this was it. this was the moment where they would part ways. a tragic moment that was once again yet to repeat itself. closing her eyes, the florist waited for the impact of his words to hit. but, it never did. shock settling into her face, kokomi glanced up at him with widened eyes, tightly holding on to their linked hands. she completely trusted him and his decision- but she obviously didn't think that this would work. in pleasant surprise, she figured that this would finally give her the chance she so desperately needed.
scara... you could never hurt me. i don't know what happened but- know that i am willing to put in the work to make this- to make our friendship something special again. i wish you could have told me before, though... maybe i could have been able to help? i would have found some way to make you feel better rather than suffer like this now..
inhaling a sharp breath, kokomi, without much thought; dove into his chest, wrapping her free arm around his thin frame. she probably realised the severity of her doing but didn't care. she was relieved- happy and so grateful to have her best friend back. releasing him from her embrace, kokomi smiled up at him.
you look tired- why don't you go take a seat in the corner over there where a table is? i can bring you some tea if you would like.
@• kokomi • He could see her thinking, the gears basically on full display the moment he'd taken her hand. In his own mind, he would expect most people to be put off by his cooler touch or seemingly thin skin but he couldn't find a trace of the disgust in her features, which put him somewhat at ease. He could easily tell her the moment his health began to change, the nights he'd wake up with puddles of blood from his nose or the days he couldn't even leave the room because he felt too weak. Burdening her with those things wasn't something he wanted but he assumed it would be inevitable.
'Please don't,' he mumbled, a lot softer than his advisement earlier, his free hand raising to lightly nudge against her cheek, a reassuring gesture he'd only really done with a few people. 'I think there's been enough tears shed for the day, don't you think?' He asked the question despite knowing the smallest thing would push him right to the same edge now that he'd opened up and been honest.
Her little explanation pulled a short chuckle from him, shaking his head in amusement. 'There's a difference in having a different occupation and being on two different levels of a political stance. Let's not forget that I live much further away and in a place I feel like you wouldn't want to travel,' he mused, 'You aren't running away and I'm not trying to make excuses, I..' Trailing off, he couldn't help but frown, knowing he felt the same but what was he supposed to do? How was she going to react to learning just how different their lives were? 'Okay.'
'Only because it's been so long,' he pointed out, 'and it isn't something to convince. I don't want to go or ruin the friendship we could have once more but.. I don't want you to end up hurt.' Scara raised a brow, wondering where the thought came from and offered her hand a weak squeeze. 'How could you, hm? I'm like this simply because that's what the world saw fit to give me.. I was already getting sick more frequently when you were around, I was just better at hiding it. It wasn't you, don't think such nonsense.'
@• scaramouche • grimacing at his haggard state, kokomi didn't think to notice how the once young and healthily looking boy was nothing but a complete mess- both physically and possibly mentally. as much as she tried not to, she blamed herself for this- maybe if she hadn't left, the both of them would have been different but at least he would have grown up to be the strong and happy boy she once thought he would be.
taking a shaky breath, kokomi closed her eyes- not wanting the previously opened dam to flush out once again. slowly glancing up at him, kokomi softly stared. she wanted to do so much for him- pull him into a crushing embrace; urge him to tell her about his travels- even, just have a nice cup of tea with him as they gaze at the beautiful array of flowers. she wanted that so badly with him; yet, such a thought was so far out of reach.
but... just because we have two completely different lives, doesn't mean we can't be friends! many people have made their friendships work?? i- i know a bookstore owner and he.. he has a friend who works as a fisherman! t- they make it work, scara. why can't we? please just tell me why- i. i finally have you back- call me selfish, but i don't want to lose you again. i don't want to run away from my past again- especially when you're the one i can't bring myself to run away from. you mean so much to me- i don't want to lose you.. please
the florist was in utter disarray. she never thought that such a good morning would end in tears. but, she didn't care. she only cared about scaramouche and his comforting presence. before she could say anything else, surprised by the other's initiative in taking her hand, kokomi looked up at him- confused.
won't be healthy for me? scara... listen to me, being with you has made me the happiest person alive. i would hate myself for not being able to try to convince you otherwise. i- you just look so.. so weak. did i do this to you? i'm so sorry, i just... i honestly don't know what's wrong with me. maybe it's my imagination talking.
@• kokomi • Just like before, Scara couldn't handle the situation, all of it becoming overwhelming quickly, something he didn't want to admit but he was positive it was quite clear. His jaw clenched rather tight as tears began to fall, unable to hold them back any further and his hands came up to cover his face, doing his best to control the shake of his shoulders. 'Why? You wouldn't be wrong in thinking those things,' he mumbled, chuckling weakly, 'I've become a different person, just like you have.' The things he'd done, the things he had zero moral response or emotional reaction to would probably give the girl nightmares; how would she feel knowing some of those things? He was darker and more cruel than she'd ever come to know because where he allowed his feelings involving her to come back, others didn't have the same courtesy.
The touch made him flinch, not used to having any physical contact; he didn't often allow it and normally when out, it was kept at bay for immune reasons. He didn't move, though, he just took the moment to breathe before he actually turned around, looking to her with tired, red eyes. He was exhausted in every way possible, his own fault, but it was something he couldn't hide. He wondered if he would be able to look at her and not feel that grudge because as much as he wanted to let it go, to move on - he wasn't so easily swayed. He'd spent those years with holding that grudge and now that he'd gotten his thoughts out on it.. could he simply let go? No.
'What is there really to prove?' He questioned, attempting to shrug it off like it meant nothing, 'we have changed.. we have two very different lives. You've gotten your thoughts off you chest and I, my own. Forgiveness or not, where do you think this reunion will go?' It hurt to say; he didn't want this to be the last time he saw her. He knew it was best to let her be without his interference, without the poison he seemed to let seep into everyone's lives around him. 'You don't want me around you.' It sounded so much like self pity that he cringed outwardly at his own words, eyebrows pulling together in annoyance.
Reaching up to take her hand, he was positive the state he was in physically only became more real but he pushed that aside for the time better. 'I would love to see you again,' he corrected, 'I just.. don't believe that would be healthy for you. Is there something wrong? Hm.. What do you think is wrong, exactly..?'
she didn't quite register it, but once it did, kokomi realised she made a grave mistake. she was angry and furious about this current situation- not at him! how could she say such awful things to a person; let alone someone she loved so dearly.
i- i never said you weren't a good friend. why couldn't you have at least let me go- it would have eased you some pain. i'd rather endure seeing you happy once again without me than spend the rest of your days in agony. seeing you in pain- it hurts me just as much as it does to you. i- where are these accusations coming from, scara!? not once have i thought you were thoughtless or heartless- you are far greater than such meaningless words.
biting her lip, kokomi silently stared at his back; a quiet wince escaping her lips as she could hear the grief edged in his words. what had she done? did she seriously break him? will she ever be able to mend her wrongdoings? no, everything she said was inexcusable. she was a monster. plain and simple- bottling all of her trauma resulted in her lashing out at the one person she shouldn't be mad at. she shouldn't have cared if he didn't hold any warm feelings toward her anymore; she shouldn't have cared if the words he spoke were hurtful because essentially, they were the truth. with a trembling hand, kokomi reached to touch his shoulder, shaking it gently in hopes he would turn around to face her. to turn around so she could see the state he was in and coo him to ease as she once did.
i've thought of it many times... but i suppose i was being a coward. i was scared that once i came back, i would be too late. too late to mend things- now, i'm not trying to justify what i did... and said, but, please at least give me a chance to prove to you- to prove to us that what we're doing right here and right now isn't going to be handled in vain.
kokomi tried to grasp for any opening she could take- any opening that would give her a sign that she didn't completely and utterly ruin everything like she once did. she needed this chance from scaramouche- however, as much as she tried to stay positive in her own twisted way, it was unlikely, and would have to accept the fact that scaramouche would not want to ever see her again.
if you don't want to ever see me again... i understand. but, something is wrong with you and i want to help. will you at least give me that chance?
@• kokomi • 'Do you not get it?' He was coming to a breaking point that he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle, wondering just what about his explanations weren't being comprehended. 'How are you not possibly understanding what I'm trying to tell you? You meant more to me than I can find the words to explain at this point! Do you not get that how important you were to me is why I can't just- just sit and hate you? Keep thinking of you? That's why I had to just stop, to not care, to not let myself sit and cry and make up excuses for you, for leaving, for hours on end until I ended up just falling asleep. Do you think I felt nothing at the time? I loved you to bits, you were my best friend and I couldn't cope with you not being there, so instead of making me sound like such a horrible human being for saving myself even more misery than I was already in, how about you take five seconds to see it from my view, as well?' Scara couldn't tell if the tears burning at his waterline were from anger or sheer frustration; was he just unable to correctly put his feelings into words that were easily understood? He'd like to think the years of pretending made him good enough on the topic. 'It was easier. It was easier to feel nothing than just sit and wait and hope and scream and cry. Can you just, somehow, not understand this?'
Looking away, he pushed his hand through his hair and wiped away any tears attempting to fall, not wanting his composure to break so quickly. He could feel it, though, the way his lungs were starting to ache and his throat felt like it was growing tight; he hadn't cried in front of someone in so long that it felt foreign. Showing weakness was something that had been engraved in his brain not to do, years of what would be considered brainwashing and family morals weren't something he could get rid of over night and he was struggling with it. In reality, he wasn't even supposed to be stressing himself out at all - it generally didn't end well for his already deteriorating state.
The words made the urge to cry even worse, wondering if she'd also thought so little of him. None of the words stuck with him as much as the first question, letting it repeat in his head until he was ready to rip his own hair out; had he proven to have been a worse friend than he'd thought? Finally, he looked back at her and showed a frown, letting his blank expression slip so show at least something of how he was feeling. 'It's.. the fact you believe you'd have had to convince me,' his tone had softened considerably, almost uncharacteristically, 'you wouldn't have even had to say it twice. Can you really look me in the eye and tell me, genuinely, you think I wouldn't have dropped everything and left with you? I would have figured it out. I would have met you somewhere. I would have done anything I needed to go with you.. but you're going to stand here and accuse me of thinking ill of you, when you don't even seem to realize what I would have done for you. Do you think I felt good knowing you had to leave alone? That you had to deal with things /alone/? I would have preferred to go with you and go through whatever you had to deal with, then go down the road of forcing you to become some enemy just so I could deal with living.'
A bitter, broken laugh sounded as his head tipped, a hand coming up to his chest as the action alone caused a rather sharp pain; he didn't want her to see just how bad of a state he was in, not any more obvious than it already was. Looking down to her, he tried not to laugh again and took a step closer to her, though not daring to put a hand on her frame. 'I'm being unfair..? You're the one that seems to be ignoring something very important with everything you're saying. You want to say I was special, that we had such a good relationship.. and yet, you've made it sound like I wasn't a good friend twice now, that I wasn't loyal.. and you're going to say it isn't your fault? I didn't let anyone else in because they weren't /you/. No one understood the life I was being forced into, no one was going to understand anything that I had to endure besides /you/. I didn't have the 'audacity' because I /wanted/ my best friend- I wanted the person I knew I could trust, Kokomi, I never wanted another person that close to me again because the only person I ever trusted, left. Why would I put myself through that again..? You're saying that, yet you're angry that I did! I did through you out, I did forget you - but you're angry with me for doing that? I wasn't going to replace you like the thoughtless, heartless person you're accusing me of being. Do you know why?'
Pulling away from her, he turned his back to her, simply so she couldn't see the way his expression fell even further. His hands came up, wiping away his tears and taking in a deep breath to calm himself. 'Because part of me, albeit a very small part, was hoping you'd come back. That you would show up and take that place back. So, I apologize if I'm such a cruel, emotionless bastard now but you got out.. you didn't have to face everything. I couldn't handle it, so I did what I had to do.. just like you did. We're even, don't you think?'
@• scaramouche • was i that much of a terrible thought for you then? did i never once put you at ease? how can you stand here and say these things- acting as if what you are doing right now isn't also hurting me. you say that you would prefer to feel nothing towards someone but what if that someone loved you so much- truly cared and regrets how things were left off? i don't care if you would have yelled at me- at least maybe that would have been anything remotely better than this.
kokomi hated this so much. she wanted to disappear and never see his face again. bringing up a hand to roughly wipe the cascading tears, the florist winced at his coming words- 'dont cry in public'. that's all he cared about? he seemed to care more about his own status than a supposed friend that apparently taught him about trust and loyalty. where was that loyalty then? the loyalty he was asking for but wasn't even showing. kokomi was confused, hurt- she wanted to push him out of her life. they both were making this even more difficult for themselves- yet she hadn't even realised that.
stop... just stop. did you really think i would have had enough time to convince you plus leave your own heavily guarded estate together? scara- you aren't even thinking sense! i'm not trying to make up excuses here. do you really think that i would do that to you? how can you think so ill of me after all of this- after all we've been through together? do i seriously not mean /anything/ at all to you? i'm just so-
covering her eyes with both palms, kokomi couldn't help but choke on her tears. the one and the only person she cared about- gone. though not physically, the relationship had already been severed from the moment she left. as her lips quivered, kokomi silently scolded herself for being such a mess. allowing herself a few more seconds, bloodshot eyes glared at his sunken ones.
you are being unfair, scaramouche. how dare you twist this around into something that is entirely my fault. how is it /my/ fault /you/ didn't have the sheer audacity to become friends with someone else. you could have forgotten me- thrown me to the back of your memories and choose to trust and stay loyal to a new person. why is it something that i have done an absolute sin in your eyes, scaramouche.
@• kokomi • The situation at hand had him feeling similar to a trapped rabbit and he didn't like it, he felt like his words gave away too much information and it made him easier to read. He could feel it though, the insecurities on the difference on their upbringing; he wanted to be confident considering his position but happiness wasn't exactly in the cards for someone like him. Part of him was, more or less, happy that she'd gotten out and lived a life she wanted - he was envious, however, and it only made the anger he felt much worse.
'You would have preferred that I suffered with the feeling of hating you..?' His question came out rather quiet but audible, wondering if she caught that he'd lost his feelings for his own sake of sanity. Scara dealt with enough at home that kept him awake at night with ill feelings and twisted, convoluted emotions, he didn't need to add unnecessary cause on top. 'Once again, I said I understood.. I don't see what you did, regarding your filial relations , a thing to see ill of you. I grew up with the things you managed to get away from.. but, as I said, hating someone takes energy.. thought, time that I wasn't willing to spare feeling than I already did. Would you have preferred that for me? To endure the things my parents put on me and then to return to my room and make it worse by thinking of you? I find it much easier to simply.. feel nothing towards someone. You can't blame me for that. It's good that you didn't contact me, I probably wouldn't have been even remotely this calm.'
A deep sigh left him and he couldn't find the words the describe himself any better; communication wasn't his strong point when it wasn't family or business related. He looked over her for a moment, doing everything he could not to furrow his brow and pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration; Scara couldn't handle tears, good or bad, they made his skin crawl in the worst way possible. 'Don't cry in public,' he muttered, crossing his arms as he couldn't really word it in a better manner, not without breaking the wall he'd put up.
'You could have taken me with you,' he finally commented, 'you didn't have to go alone and you didn't have to ask for help. You knew we were in the same position.. I'm sure you can see I ended up with the life you ran away from.' He wasn't going to cry, no.. and he wasn't going to put his whole heart on display, not after years of shutting it up and locking it behind several walls and locks. 'You left, Kokomi. You don't get to make excuses and you don't get to try and explain anything to me.. I don't even know what you're expecting to get out of it; you can't change what's been done, the impressions that have been made or the years of.. anxious waiting. But, I should thank you, shouldn't I? You're the exact reason that not a single person has ever become so close to me again and I've never had to face that with a 'friend' I trusted.'
@• scaramouche • noticing his shift in position, kokomi quizzically stared before shaking her head of any unnecessary thoughts for another time. times had changed and both of them grew up. the florist had to come to that realisation sooner or later depending on whether she liked it or not. kokomi grew into somewhat of a free bird- whereas scaramouche, though much hadn't been revealed; his stature and attitude toward general matters felt as though he were trapped. so desperately did she want to help him- to ease whatever pain he was going through; take care of his minor injuries like when they were young and be rid of such an event. but she could never do that. their relationship in the past is nothing like what it is now in the present.
as much as she wanted to understand his views- put herself in his shoes and believe the reasoning for his anger, she couldn't. of course, she understood where his supposed emotions were coming from but, to suddenly not care about the one person who you considered as a friend? that's honestly heartbreaking. resting both arms against her sides, kokomi blinked slowly before responding, her attention focused on anything other than scaramouche.
i would much prefer you hate me then. hating me is better than not caring anymore about me in this circumstance. scara- what did you want me to do. i was scared, alone, terrified that my family would do something to hurt me for leaving- i was scared that they would do something to you if you knew about my leaving. do you think i would have had any peace of mind knowing that even though both of our families are influential, one could still harm the other as much as they wanted to? i'm sorry i couldn't be there to support you no matter what- heck, try to contact you even after the incident. but you're... how can you not care about me anymore?
kokomi so desperately wanted to stop the tears forming in her eyes. it was so pathetic. she's on the verge of crying in front of the one person she should be staying strong for. but, the walls she built up could never stay secure when in the presence of him. she cherished scaramouche- absolutely adored him. and here he was, frail- merely on the brink of passing out; probably finding this whole situation meek and useless.
you know i've never been one for confrontation, scara... but, i can't and won't accept the fact that you think i never saw something in you. you were the one best thing i had- and, you still are.
@• kokomi • The idea of trying to rehash and fight for something that had been lost long ago wasn't something Scara was looking forward to. He was fine walking away and dealing with the thoughts he'd forced up but upon noticing the movements, he had an icky feeling that he wasn't getting away so easily. He didn't regret speaking but something told him, he should have walked away when he said there was nothing left.
Stepping back when she approached, he watched curiously at how the flower responded and somewhat wished something like that would work for his own existence. Sadly, things didn't work that way and he buried the thought rather quickly. He looked over her features with nothing in return, not even a slight twitch to his tiers, simply because the twinge of sadness did nothing for him.
He decided to listen and leaned against the closest available surface, attempting to ease the ache that was growing in his bones. 'None of our families are nice people,' he pointed out with a roll of his eyes, knowing very well just how most families in their scene were, 'and I would never expect you to regret leaving them but that doesn't excuse what you did, in the end.'
Shifting his weight, his shoulders rolled and he hummed faintly in thought. 'Hating you would take far more energy that I'm willing to exert, I don't hate you.. do you know what takes up a lot less energy? Not caring about someone. I don't have to hate you, dispise you, even like you.. I can simply feel nothing particular about you. What you did? That, I demise, and for the simple fact that it was too troublesome for you to even leave a note. The smallest of goodbyes - I didn't even need an explanation.' Scara sighed deeply, too deep in fact as it made his ribs shift uncomfortably. 'I forgive you for leaving but I won't forgive you for how you did it; I could never be angry at someone leaving a bad situation.. but you can't stand here and speak to me like I meant something when it didn't cross your mind to leave a single thing. Can you blame me for being so angry at that one little thing? You taught me a lot about trusting people and loyalty. I should be thanking you. '
'I have no interest in fighting you, Kokomi. This.. isn't even close to what a fight with me would be like.'
@• scaramouche • obviously frustrated from his lack of care or understanding, kokomi herself felt the urge to give it all up and leave things as they were. broken. strained. utterly fraught. though, still, she realised that scaramouche had to deal with his own things right after her disappearance. that wasn't his fault nor was it fair for him. his only true friend which he once confided in, left him without a proper goodbye and he was expected to listen to her explanation? imaging all he had to go through, a bitter taste left kokomi's mouth.
a defeated chuckle escaped her lips as she left him be for a second- rushing over to close the shop for the day so that whatever going on in their relationship could be dealt with in peace. hesitantly walking over to him, kokomi glanced over at the flowers that caught his attention. noticeably seeing a wilted petal in the flower, kokomi stepped closer and with a swift of a finger, droplets of dew stuck to the now healthy piece. averting her attention to the stubborn figure, kokomi smiled, though sadly.
you're probably mad at me. you might as well hate me... scaramouche. but, i did what i had to do. my family... they were not the nicest. i couldn't have asked for- no, i wouldn't at all have asked for your help. i trusted you and i still do, albeit with your hurtful words- there is some truth to it. i regret leaving you, but i will never regret leaving a home that felt like a prison to me.
i know i sound... unreasonable. but, i had to forget about my past to grow up. and i never forgot you, scara. never once. you were my best friend and i missed you daily. i'm sorry i couldn't recognise you now... i suppose you caught me at a time when i never once expected to see you again haha.. i know me leaving you will never be erased from your memory and i understand if you can't forgive me but, can we please not fight? not like this
@• kokomi • Scara's relationship with emotions had dwindled over the years, becoming more and more distant, something he didn't feel much loss about. Most people, upon running into an old friend, would feel some type of delight or fondness seeing them safe or seeing them at all, yet that wasn't coming up for him. Having watched more people walk away than he could count, he simply tacked it on to the idea that not all people could feel such joy. Normal people; those were the ones who could let things go and let life take its course without feeling angry at the drop of a hat. Pushing the thought away, he watched with flickering curiosity as he expression seemed to shift a few times.
'I don't believe an explanation is needed.' He'd been subject to plenty of stories, excuses and tails from far too many others to want to actually listen. Of course, he wasn't so terrible as to think she did it with no reasons but that had nothing to do with it; that was made clear when it happened. 'A good place to talk.. don't you think it's a little late for that? I'm not here to listen to anything you're going to say, honestly. I believe my judgement is in the right place considering I apparently didn't earn so much as a goodbye back then, don't you think?'
It was, to say the least, incredibly childish, but weren't all grudges? Every grudge came from the place of a hurt child, wanting to whine and cry about someone upsetting them. From family to friends, Scara had dealt enough with people making him feel like he didn't deserve or earn anything until he gained his position of power. Before his expression could slip too far, he looked away and waved a hand. 'I believe we've gone this long without a word exchanged, we can go forever more.' With that, he turned, putting his attention back on the flowers like he hadn't said a word.
@• scaramouche • w- wait, sorry sir i don't quite understand... did i do something wrong-
scrunching up her face in panicked worry, kokomi raised her hands in slight defense before relaying back his words. 'your little runaway plan' was definitely not something she ever once talked about after moving to inazuma city to start a fresh life. who was this man and what did he know about her and her past? having glanced once again to his eyes, slight recognition glossed over her face as her trembling hands tried to reach for him; before stopping herself any further. she forced herself to forget about her past, and here she was now with a person that she lost contact with altogether- hurt, beaten, and confused.
you misunderstand me... can you please let me explain? i don't think this is a good place to talk about this kind of stuff- could we perhaps talk a little further away from the shop. just please, hear me out. your judgment is seriously misguided and i need to fix whatever this is
