@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. "I didn't mean it like that", Jeno protested softly while pushing himself up to his elbows, his brows knitted together almost angrily - and yet, the people who knew him, knew that this expression on his face simply meant that he was, well, confused. "It's just... new. That's what I'm saying. I'm not suggesting that we need to before we cuddle, silly."
And it was true, even though he seemed to have a little bit of a hard time settling down again, unsure of where to put his arms and hands, before he settled on wrapping them around her gingerly, his head now pillowed on her stomach instead, his eyes fluttering to a close. "I actually... I think... I like this? It feels peaceful. But tell me more about that love making of yours, please. I'm not sure I ever even had to /think/ about it. Honestly, thumbelina, I think I'm actually a little scared that I'd screw it up."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Raising an eyebrow playfully, Sabrina snorted and rolled her eyes. Sure, Jeno hated cuddles, and hugs, but she expected a little less jabber about it. She lightly flicked his forehead with a soft sigh. Cuddles weren't really their thing, huh? But it could be. It was never too late to start cuddling, in her opinion. "Well, you could use that big head of yours to think from a different angle, hm?," she nodded her head.
"If you wanna, though... we could first, then cuddle. Since you seem to be suggesting that," she trailed off in a sing-song voice. "I could teach you about making love. I think that would be a nice way to...make things feel real, yknow?"
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. Everybody at the lounge knew that Jeno didn't do cuddles. Never. Under no circumstances did he allow people to cuddle him, even avoiding hugs at all cost if only he could help it. Anything under two minutes was completely fine, but then he would pull away and go on his merry way. For someone who sold their body to strangers and did unspeakable things to them, he sure hated anything that counted as physical affection. So, to put things short, again, Jeno didn't do cuddles. But he also didn't do feelings and yet here he was, after confessing affectionate, romantic feelings to a coworker. Which in itself was ed up for someone who could hardly tell a apart from a racing heart.
Well, he was already down that rabbit hole. And so, with a small smile, he the bed and crawled over to where Sabrina was waiting for him, lowering himself onto his stomach between her legs, his head pillowed on her chest, a cheeky smile dancing across his lips. "Is this what we do now? Cuddling? And we didn't even . That could cause some serious gossip in the lounge, you know?"
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Sabrina could tell that Jeno was being sincere, she could feel it. He had a rough night, a rough past few weeks, so to see him so willingly bare himself and expose his feelings to her really meant a lot. Perhaps they were inevitable from the start... she wasn't one to believe in things like fate, or destiny, but maybe just this once. It's more romantic that way. She leaned in and gave a soft kiss to Jeno's cheek, resting her hand atop of his for a moment. "I get it- I get what you mean. Sometimes, pieces just fit together perfectly. Thank you, Jeno. For letting me trust you with all parts of me."
Sitting up on her knees once more, she crawls to the head of the bed and settles against her small mountain of fluffy pillows. A warmth was spreading throughout her entire body; flushing her cheeks and making her want to be as close to Jeno as she could be. Brushing her slightly frizzy bangs out of her face, she spread her legs with enough room for him to slide in between them. A signal, an invitation.
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. Yes, why her? Jeno had asked himself this question about a different woman so many times, the mere thought of it made his head spin, his bones aching just a little bit as he sent Sabrina the tiniest, slightly wry smile, his eyes downcast for a moment, before he said: "I don't know. I don't understand what these feelings mean to begin with and I don't know when or how they started. But I know that I see /you/, you know? I see past all of that violence, all of these issues you always tell me that you have. And you lean onto me, whenever they're too strong. Like that one time in the taxi, remember?"
He paused, letting out a quiet sigh, before he ran his hand through his hair once more, his eyes filled with a sadness he usually never showed to anybody, not even her. It hurt, letting these emotions simmer to the surface, being too burnt out to even try and wrestle them back into their cage.
"And I know that you see me, as well. You see past my nonchalance, through the front I put up just because don't want to admit that I'm deeply hurt by the things that have been done to me. You were never afraid to tell me to cut ties with her, that she doesn't deserve the way I'm so devoted to her..." He chuckled, his eyes fluttering to a close. "I don't know why. I don't know why it's you. I just... a part of me /knows/ that you belong with me and I belong with you and that it feels as if it's been inevitable from day one."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. "How was I going to tell you sooner, huh?," she chuckled, trying to play it cool. She knew why she didn't - why she couldn't tell him sooner. She was scared to death that it would drive them apart. He was the friend she had the longest since becoming a pearl, he seemed to understand her like no one else. Or maybe it was because she hadn't fully come to terms with her feelings until tonight. So, Sabrina should feel relieved. But she wasn't quite ready to fall into the moment. Not with a voice nagging in the back of her head about how this wouldn't last, how she didn't deserve what love Jeno could give, how she would be responsible for hurting him.
Her eyes widened as he told her the news and she tilted her head to the side. "You did? Wow, I... it's good you did that. her...," she trailed off. After a moment of searching his face for a sign of something, anything, she spoke up once again. "Jeno? Why? I mean... why me?"
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. What did these words even mean, aside from hurt and heartbreak and giving someone else the power to destroy you? Because handing over ones love meant nothing more than handing them a dagger to carve your heart out. Not that he'd ever hand Sabrina a knife, but that was besides the point. The last woman he had fallen for had walked all over him, had used him as a toy, as a doormat, as her personal pet to be ready at her every beck and call. And for a moment, Jeno felt something he had never felt ever before in his life. He was /scared/. But only for a moment, a split second before Sabrina's lips were on his, so familiar and tender in a way they had never been before. It was silly, how easily that simple kiss brushed away that fear and replaced it with something Jeno had no name for.
"I'm glad too", he whispered back while sliding his hand into her nape, drawing her a little closer so he could kiss her again. And then a second time, just for good measure and because he could. "You should have told me sooner... and... just so you know... I haven't seen her in at least two weeks. I told her not to come back here, either."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Sabrina's eyes shifted around as she tried to remain calm, leaning in to meet Jeno's forehead with her own. She felt almost a pang of guilt for admitting to her feelings. Her love could be suffocating, destructive, toxic. It's why none of her other relationships worked out, why she ran away from her ex, why she can't even talk to her adopted family back home. Why did Jeno accept her? What did he see in her that was worthy of loving? But for now, she tried to allow herself the moment. Enjoy it while it lasts.
"I'm glad, Jeno. I love you," she said again. Closing the little distance between them, she pressed her soft tiers to his. Slow, deliberate. Different from other times they had kissed. It wasn't rushed, aggressive, or full of lust. It was soft and tender, almost innocent. She pulled back just a little, brushing her nose to his with a soft sigh.
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. Jeno had been told these three words, before. His mother loved him, yes. His father loved him, too. His sister loved him as well. /She/ had always claimed that 'Jeno, no, it's alright, I love you and not him, but you know how it is, it's not that easy'. And he had fallen for it over and over again, until the words sounded like a trap and they started feeling like one too. But, as much as a part of him wanted to flinch away from her hand, from her, from those /words/... he couldn't. He didn't. Instead, he looked at her, silently, studying her face until he had taken it all in - the imperfections, the tired darkness beneath her eyes, her mess, hair - and had decided that she still looked perfect.
"I can't say it...", he whispered, sounding pained and terrified, reaching up with both hands, upper body twisting until he was facing her and he was cupping both her her cheeks, his forehead pressing into hers. "I'm... I'm trying. I..."
He fell quiet, his eyes closing momentarily, before they fluttered open again, dark brown meeting sky blue. That specified shade of sky blue he adored so much. And then, in nothing more than a whisper, a breath, he said: "Me too. I think it's... this is the closest I ever came to loving someone the way other people feel it..."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. She listened closely to his words, nodding her head in understanding. Her fingers curled and stretched against her thigh as she contemplated what she was just told. If they got into trouble, they'd be in it together. And she knew she could trust him. Rubbing her nape, Sabrina slowly extended her legs and settled them against the bed. Her heart was racing, she could hear her heartbeat ringing in her head. She dragged her tongue between her lips, momentarily balling her hands into fists at her sides, her knuckles flashing white. "You're so stupid, you know that?," she chuckled softly.
Sabrina sat up on her knees and crawled her way over to Jeno until she was right next to him. Her blue eyes were burning with something behind them; was it lust? Love? A newfound determination? Taking one of his hands into hers, she rested the other on his cheek to keep their gazes locked. "I could tell you straight up that I hate you seeing /her./ I hate you getting all battered around by someone that isn't me. I hate getting texts if they aren't from you. And I especially hate if anyone calls me in' Thumbelina if it isn't you," she whispered. "I hate so many things, so many people, but I love you. Idiot. That clear enough for you?"
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. "You know...", he chuckled lowly, running a hand through his hair and looking off to the side, huffing at his own inability to form the proper words, to put the whirlwind of emotions that was swirling inside his chest onto his tongue and formulate human sentences. "You know I've gotten myself into plenty of trouble over my emotions and what I want. But before I say anything about that..."
He pauses, finally turning his head back to her, his eyes dark and desperate with emotions. Jeno knew he was struggling and probably visibly so, but then he managed to say: "I don't know if what I feel for you is romantic, Brina. I don't know how romantic feelings work, I've never thought much about them and I was /so/ sure I'm in love with /her/. But I know I miss you when you're not with me, I get worried when I don't hear from you, I look for you in a crowded room. Whatever I feel for you is important enough to me that I'm here, literally beaten bloody and bruised because... because I feel like I need you, in a way. I don't know what it means and it's ed up and unfair to you,but i don't care if we get into trouble. But I need to know what it is, exactly, that you feel."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. "Am I saying what?," she replied, a little more sharply than she had intended. Her annoyance wasn't with him, rather, she was annoyed with the situation. Sabrina's eyebrows furrowed when Jeno didn't follow up what he was saying. What was going on in his head? Did he come all this way just to say nothing? She bit the inside of her cheek, staring at him until he finally spoke again.
"It made me worried because I know bad things could happen if... well, if we go any further."
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. "Are you... are you saying...", he started and yet the words fizzled out and died on his tongue, a hum leaving him instead that would hopefully signal her that he was simply taking his time to think about what he wanted to say and that he wasn't being quiet because he didn't want to hear anything she said - or worse - because he had nothing to say. Because, quite frankly said, he had a /lot/ to say. A lot a lot. Over the past week, he had sat himself down, thinking about his more than just a little ed up relationship with the woman he kept running back to, about the way he didn't yearn for her as much as he... well. Yearned for Sabrina, perhaps. With /her/, things were complicated and hurtful, with Sabrina, on the other hand... not really.
"Why did it get you a little worried?", he asked slowly, his brows furrowed and his voice tinged with uncertainty. "Don't sugar coat it, Brina. I think we're past that point."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Her eyes widened a bit upon being called out for stalling and she casts her gaze aside, looking off into the distance. Even though she had ample time to consider how she would approach this, she was still unsure of what to say, or if it would even be worth it. If she told him, nothing good could come from it surely. They weren't permitted romantic relationships - with clients or with other pearls. And her own past relationships never ended pretty.
But she should still take the chance.
Sabrina took a deep breath and looked back up to meet Jeno's gaze. "Well I was saying... you mean a lot to me, Jeno. Like, a lot a lot. I feel... good around you. Better than good, amazing. You've seen the uglier parts of me and don't think I'm weird or look down on me. I love talking to you, hanging out with you, ing you of course. And...it's got me a little worried."
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. He really didn't need an ice pack. But the thing was, as much as he wanted to tell her that most of his clients like the look of a beaten, bruised bad boy and actually got off on the thought of him getting himself into some bare knuckle fights... it just didn't seem right. But he knew she'd fuss over him, knew she wouldn't accept it if he told her that he didn't want or need the ice, so he simply put it on his cheek, shrugging one more as if to say "oh, well".
And then he stared at her, silent and studying, tongue poking into his cheek, running along the inside of his teeth and then wetting over his lips, tasting residue blood. Which was a little ironic, because he was pretty sure Sabrina had given him a bloody lip at one point since their first met.
"You said it first, so you start", Jeno decided then, pulling one leg up onto tbe bed so he could turn and look at her without twisting his neck around. "And I know you're buying time, which completely defeats the purpose of me being here in the first place."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. "Weirdo...," she mumbled under her breath after Jeno's explanation. She would never understand women with marriage problems like that. But Jeno was tougher than he came off, that much was clear. And she already knew that from previous flings with him. Sabrina turned around and knelt down to open up her mini fridge, grabbing a small ice pack before handing it to him.
She knew she was stalling, but she couldn't bring herself to fully confront the situation, for once. Sitting down on the opposite end of the bed, she pulled her knees close to her chest and rested her chin atop them, staring at Jeno expectantly. "Yeah... let's talk."
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. "Wha- oh." He chuckled, the sound soft and slightly amused, even though there was no joy dancing in his eyes. No mirth, no mischief. "No, not a fight. Had a difficult client who likes to relive her toxic marriage in my bed and she has a problem with the fact that I don't submit."
He pressed a finger into the slight swelling on his cheek, shrugging a little as he sent her a crooked smile. "But good to know you'd murder someone for me. No need, though, seriously. I'm okay, just put through the wringer a little bit."
With a sigh, Jeno walked over to her bed go sit down on the edge of it, leaning back onto his hands so he could keep his eyes on her, his tired eyes softening ever so slightly. "What happened to talking? I promise you I'm okay."
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Watching as Jeno shuffled into her room, Sabrina’s eyebrow raised curiously. He looked…like , really. Bad. Pathetic, even. His stature, his body all battered and bruised. This was very different from the usual Jeno she saw. After she closed the door, she folded her arms across her chest with her lips pursed. Was he doing something stupid before she texted him? How else would he have gotten so many scars?
“What the happened to you? You look horrible…” she whispered sharply, trying to keep her volume down. “Did you get in a fight? Do I need to kill someone?”
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. Jeno knew looked like absolute garbage. Like roadkill, perhaps, if he didn't want to sugarcoat the dark circles beneath his eyes, the slight bruise forming on of his cheekbones, the scratches running down his arms and over his ribs. He certainly /felt/ like roadkill, that much wad clear. It was visible in the way his usually proudly squared shoulders were hunched, how tired his eyes looked out from beneath the fringe of his dark hair, which he usually kept swept back and out of his face whenever he was working. Like this, Jeno knew, he looked younger. Softer. Less intimidating and commanding. And he wasn't sure if Sabrina had ever seen him in this state, or not.
"Thanks", he muttered as he ducked around her and slipped into the room, only to stop walking just behind the door, nervously swinging his arms back and forth as he looked around. It had been unusually long since he had been here, if he was being honest. "So...", he started, letting out a slow breath and running his fingers through his hair. "Here I am... we wanted to... like... talk, right?"
@— ✾ ⋰ jeno l. Sabrina was lying on top of her bed, staring at the ceiling, as she waited on bated breath for Jeno to arrive. She wasn't expecting to have a serious conversation tonight about feelings, of all things. She had expected Jeno to be asleep, or maybe too busy, to reply to her earlier texts. But now here she was, contemplating just what would happen next. It was against the rules... whatever either of them were thinking or feeling. It could be bad news.
Then she heard a knock at her door. Taking a deep breath, she threw her legs over the side of her bed before shuffling over to the door. She had long since been in her pajamas, hair messily hanging down along her shoulders. She didn't look her best, but it was late as hell and she wasn't originally planning on seeing anyone. Finally, Sabrina opens the door to her room with a small smile and steps aside for Jeno to come in.
@✾ ⋰ sabrina c. To say Jeno hated everything about the situation he found himself in tonight would have been an understatement. Sabrina had been a constant in his life for longer than he cared to remember - and maybe he had started taking that for more than just granted, what with him only noticing that when she had dropped off the earth and disappeared. Sure, they bickered like an old married couple, especially came to his preference for love interests. Speaking of which... well.
With a sigh, Jeno ran his hand through his slightly sweaty hair, the sleeve of his oversized sweater slipping all the way down onto his elbow, before he tugged it down and knocked on Sabrina's door. He knew he was supposed to be in uniform as much as he could, but he wasn't on the clock and at o'clock at night, nobody gave a anyway. Tonight had been a rough session with his client and, well, dom drop was as much a thing as sub drop, albeit a lot more overlooked. And he really couldn't be bothered to get back dresses up when he felt like his bones had disintegrated.
"It's me", he called our softly, keeping his voice low enough as to not disturb any sleeping pearls or customers around them.
