∙∙∙ you look perfect tonight

how to start this thing. i want to talk about the first time i met you, not as seo sunghyuk, but as the third chara because everything in here, like in this layout, would ultimately lead to me talking about meeting you in general despite having been cc-ed so many times, being reborn thrice (?).

so, let me talk about meeting you the first time as son dongmyeong. wow, that was one heckle of a first meeting i mean what were we doing? i dug a pit for you and dragged you in there to what- die? that was mean of me, wow. but really, i was meant to be princess-y and all and that was how i just were. anyway, we ended up saying sorry to each other multiple times, not knowing who to forgive. that was funny. til now, i still don't know who was at fault.

oh dear- i feel like i'm being all hwanwoong hyung-ish today. he talks alot and just spouts whatever that comes to his mind and that's the thing, because i've strayed away from the one thing that i want to convey in this section:

the first time i met you, i really found you cute. and that outlook never faded even i, as gunmin, found someone. he's Dead now though and i'm different now. but the thought remains that i've never thought of you as less than beautiful. everytime i look at you, my breathe hitches and suddenly there are butterflies fluttering around in my tum. those only intensify whenever we talk but i'll talk about that in another section. but yes, you're beautiful and you always will be.

i love seeing you smile because it brightens up your already animated face.i love seeing your lips pulled up at the corners and the fact that they're already kissable makes me want to kiss you even more. also, were your cheeks always so fluffy? i always wanted to squish them. another also: have i told you that it's weird that i'm very short even though i'm older? but i gladly accept that fate because you seemed so happy when you said you like it being my not-so-small smol. it's cute. i love you.

∙∙∙ when you're gone,  i'm incomplete

the section header says it all. h hh hh im actually pretty emo when you're not around. but i try to tell myself that hey, you're still in my heart so that counts right? even so, i still miss you 101% of the time. when i see your name on the online list, my mood literally just gets lifted up. suddenly my face is clear, the grass is greener and the sun shines brighter.

that's how much your mood affects me, really.

if i don't see you for more than - let's say three days - it's like, half of my heart's crying sonnets because it can't live without it's other half. it sounds like a terrible thing but i swear, the longing is real. people would say that it isn't obvious but hey - i'm lowkey. and i just don't really wanna cry even though i'm a cry baby and am generally emotional. because what if our schedules won't coincide much anymore? i should be strong for the both of us, at least.

∙∙∙ never let you go, never let me down

i know it took me so long enough to ask you out. for real. legit. how many months has it been? 3? wow, that's- that's quite a long time. i'm not going to assume that you're going to say 'yes' (though i'm crossing my fingers that you will) but granting that you will, i thank you for being patient then! i'm terribly sorry; i think my words have been all over the place. i hope the next few texts will be understandable, at least:

hi yoon sanha, i love you with all my heart. i may not be the best guy out there but i will try my best to be the best guy for you. i can promise you many things but i won't make them; my mom always told me that promises are meant to be broken and i don't want that. i think you deserve more than that. i probably could not give you the world, which you deserve, but if you let me, i'll make you my world.

so sanha, will you let me hold your hand? i won't let go. never will.