❂ Hospital

@☾ Seungri [ur fine~ I hate when they give you a break but don’t actually give you a break smh~ that’s exactly how my spring break ended up being too /pats/ thanks but I’ve been thinking to end everything for this character for a long time. Just trying to find the best way to do it without you being mad if I end our rp too soon. So...I guess I wanna be able to end this rp in a normal way? /nods avidly/ since of course, this was before hoseok made his final decision : )]

/he listened intently to your words, not only feeling bad that you’ve gone through all this but also feeling bad that he had no right to complain as he had no abusive boyfriends. He realized he had no right to feel this sad when others like you had a stronger one. He didn’t deserve your tear wiping and hugs either. With a full heart in his hand, he decided to shake his head at your help towards him and wrapped his arms to hug you/ no... /he sniffles before gently tightening the hug/ ‘m sorry... /sniffles some more/ nobody deserves anythin like that...kh /he didn’t go so far to hurt himself either. How he thought was that if he had to go in any way, he’d rather not pierce his skin with sharp objects/ an-n /hugs you tightly/ ’m happy you’re still here an kickin...~ you’re so strong, seungri-sshi...it’s sad he had to die like that but ’m still so glad he can’t hurt ya man... /hugs and pats you soothingly like a mother before sniffling as he smiles, letting go of you slightly to look into your eyes with a broken smile/ I’m sure that if we keep hopin, we’ll both get to find someone like that...h /smiles taking your arm and holding it up with his own limp grip/ hwightin seungri-sshi, yeah?
/his eyes end up widening after the grip, taken aback by your words before bites his lip with a hesitant quiet voice/...really...? /he looks up into your eyes with his wet ones as you embrace him before bawling again as you hug him and he grip-clings to your body. It’s almost as if he wants to trust it but how much he tries, he still can’t let his wall go. Especially since it was only today we met. Maybe eventually but right now there’s still limits to how close we can get and how much he can trust you/
/eventually, he’s calmed from his bawling and starts to sniffle while wiping his tears with the back of his hand like a child would do before looking back up at you/ maybe staying over-r would be-e too much... /he gasps lightly before sniffling again/ let’s go do somethin outside...? /asks with doe but hurting eyes and a sniffle-questioning tone in his voice. Considering he’s still recovering from the long bawl, he was too out of it to notice the blatant flirting. But once you pull him back into reality, he widens his eyes/
O-oh... /sniffles trying to straighten up as he bit his lip, feeling bad for stalling. Clears throat/ you’re right... /says with a throaty voice as he sat up more/ I’m havin beef ramen tday. You, seungri-sshi? /asks with reddened eyes/

@☾ J-Hope (Yeah, I'm on Spring Break but I still have assignments I have to do. :( Sorry this is late again, I've been having major technical issues.)
*Seungri sighs as he decides to tell Hoseok everything. His throat ached when he saw the other man's obvious distress at his revelation, but he decided to press on anyway, hoping his sorry tale would make Hoseok feel less bad about himself.*
Yes, Hoseok... I've been there. This was about four years ago. I'd already been depressed for a long time before this. One day, I'd finished work and had shut up the book shop. My house is above the shop. I had a boyfriend at the time. He mistreated me a lot; he eroded my self esteem completely as well as beating me often and... refusing to take no for an answer. I couldn't leave him; I had nowhere and nobody else to go to. I was already the town weirdo who ran the bookshop and the suicide clinic at that point. That day he decided he'd had all the 'fun' with me that he could. So, he trashed the bookshop and beat me to a half-dead, bloody pulp before he left. I managed to get hold of some painkillers for what he'd done to me and I realised that I didn't want to go on. I'd had enough. So I just kept taking them. They weren't doing anything. I don't know how many I took. So, I managed to grab a knife from the kitchen and repeatedly stabbed myself in the stomach. I hoped I'd die that way. It didn't work. Emergency services busted in a couple of minutes later and found me. A neighbour must have called the police or something. I was taken to hospital and I had a long time to recover. I put it behind me, tried to carry on as if it had never happened, tried to just keep living. I told myself that it was something that had happened, nothing could change that, and I needed to just go about life as normal. Copious amounts of therapy helped me do that of course since I was in hospital for a long time. Of course, I wasn't left scar free. My stomach was left permanently scarred and sensitive which is why I get stomach pains a lot. I'd take painkillers for them, but I can barely look at pills without feeling awful. When I got out, I just... carried on. I started up the clinic again, I cleaned up and reopened the bookshop, and life just carried on. Unfortunately they never caught my ex, he died in a road accident shortly after leaving.
*Seungri wipes Hoseok's tears away with a napkin, then takes the other man's hand in both of his. His thumb moves softly over the back of Hoseok's thin hand.*
What did I do about it? I carried on. I had responsibilities I couldn't ignore. If I'd not just gotten on with life again I'd have relapsed for sure. I threw myself into my work, trying to pretend that I was OK. That my life hadn't almost ended, that my mind wasn't still reeling from the shock. That everything was normal. Eventually, things started to look up. The depression, whilst ever present, became a little less of a crushing weight on my shoulders. I began to be able to hope again and I latched onto it. The hope that I'd find someone who'd let me be at peace, who wouldn't hurt me, who would treat me well. It still... keeps me going.
*Seungri scoots his chair around to Hoseok and hesitantly wraps the crying man in a hug. He fights back his own tears and the rising wave of panic threatening to overwhelm him. He'd made Hoseok cry. How could he do that? How could he...? He told himself to stop. He nodded at Hoseok's words.*
We have. Of course we have. But it's going to be OK. I promise.
*Seungri's heart aches when he hears Hoseok's words about being a burden and being lonely.*
Of course you're lonely. Depression is lonely by nature. Plus people just don't... get it. You're not a burden, I promise.
*Seungri becomes animated and speaks fervently, desperate to reassure the other man.* For me you're anything but a burden! You have someone! Y-you have me. I won't dump you off on another doctor, I won't stop trying to help you no matter the cost. You have me even just as a shoulder to lean on... Even as a friend, if you want... You do matter. You matter to me.
*Seungri lets go of Hoseok and twists his hands together nervously. Would what he was about to do be taken the wrong way? Would Hoseok rebuke him? He hoped not.*
Hoseok... If you're lonely, y-you could stay with me tonight. If you wanted to. I have a spare room. After this we could go to the local shop and get some films and some snacks and have a nice evening in. It would be nice to have company for once. You don't have to, it's just a suggestion.
*Seungri's brain catches up with what he's just done and he goes bright red and blotchy, his signature ugly, embarrassed blush making his face burn.*
Anyway... I think we should order. We've been sat here for a while. Sorry for distressing you and being so forward.
*He's re-composed himself a little now.*
The offer still stands. I hope I didn't alarm you.

@☾ Seungri [poetry? That sounds fun but I guess if it’s for school, it’s not huh? /pats u/ hang in there bruh! Are u on spring break now? Bc if u are, then good! You can relax and not think about school as much~ : P
And sorry for the confusion in my writing style but no. Hoseok wasn’t aware of seungri wanting to hold his hand. If he was I’d have used “he” instead of phrase it like a sentence in itself. Actually, I only wrote that holding hand sentence to help you know not to do it /since that’s what I do at times if I wanna give the other rper insight, really. : ) hope that clarified it... ]

/considering most depressed people would like to know they aren’t weird at all, you can definitely let it out. I mean, maybe it could also make him respect you more and take your advice since we’re coming from the same place and you know exactly how it’s like. So if you tell in any way, it’s a win-win; now it’s just the context that matters. When you answer him, he doesn’t know why but he could tell your tone was more colder, quickly sitting down fully intending to listen, his mannerisms softening to match with your more quiet tone. When you begin with his own condition, though, he felt like he was shrinking in embarrassment only to blink at your next sentence, lifting both eyebrows in surprise/ ya...have...? /at your next words, he can’t help but clasp his hands together on the table, every word slowly but surely breaking the mask he was putting on, lip trembling with teary eyes in empathy because that’s /exactly/ how he’s feeling. This overall and continuous grey screen life towards even the things that used to make him happy. It’s hard. And as someone who wants to help, he’s finding it difficult to decide what he should do. Help or cry it out? He wants to give you reassurance too but his overall being is coming out from under him. Now crying silently, he cough-sobs onto the back of his hand before quickly taking your hand with his own fragile one when he realizes he needs to help- it’s like some instinct to/ I-I’m sorry-y /tightens his hand in yours with his own malnourished one/ what...did ya do bout it? /You can decide to talk about it or just go onto how you got better but whatever you decide has to be done so it makes sense in our conversation/ we both...h /he smiles as tears fall down his face/ have had it hard huh...? Kh /he feels his chest heaving but tries to steady himself/ I... /he lips, knowing that as a therapist you’d help, before chuckling/ it’s silly actually but... /remembers your understanding and continues/ I’m kinda lonely /he whispers softly with a nod/ I mean, I have friends, have had boyfriends but no one-e /he takes the tissue from the table and wipes his eyes before sneezing into it/ stays with me-kh! And-nd! /he bursts again/ I know my friends have their own life-h! /calms down with a nod/ I-I can tell I’m jus a burden-h..! /he cries now curling into himself/ I don’t know-w. It jus...it jus feels like there’s no point bein here... /nods to self/ Everyone has everybody an I don’t know... /sobs wiping his eyes with the back of hands/ h-how to stop thinkin like I don’t ma-atter-r!
/we haven’t ordered yet until after this conversation (let’s put the rest separate bruh-is what I meant when I used the “...”)/

@☾ J-Hope (I see. Sorry this is late, I had to write crappy submissions for the class short story and poetry anthologies and it my soul out. The joys of school, huh...)
(Did Hoseok notice Seungri wanting to hold his hand? XD I wasn't intending for them to actually do it (it reads like they did, correct me if I'm wrong), it was just Seungri having another 'uuh my life is so hard' moment (which he seems to be prone to, I may have to curb that).)

*Seungri is surprised by Hoseok's urging to go on, and his eyes widen, unsure of whether to do so. He could finally talk to someone and let it all out, or he could play it safe and keep it all in as he was used to.*
Let's sit down first.
*Seungri sits, regardless of whether Hoseok decides to or not. His stomach is hurting again, and it's intense enough to make him feel weak at the knees. He decides to tell Hoseok, and hope he doesn't sound like he's berating him. He hopes his words can instead bring some comfort.*
Hoseok, you aren't alone out there in the world. There are people just like you all around you and you don't even know it. I've been there. I know what it's like to be depressed, to feel like life has lost all it's worth, to want to die. I know what it's like to try and fail. I don't know your story since you haven't talked about it, but I hope you didn't suffer too badly, not like I did. If I'd have succeeded, it would have been a nasty way to go...
*He trails off. He is unsure of whether to give Hoseok the gruesome details, and decides to wait for Hoseok to either not want to hear more, or to prompt him to tell the full story. In the meantime, he looks at the menu and gets ready to order. He tells Hoseok his order when he asks what he's having.*

@☾ Seungri [oh sorry! I didn’t mean the multi rp would be with taehyung but another person that I don’t rp as that’s also hoseok’s friend : ) (he has a lot of them) but it u still don’t want to, then that’s fine~ you already got major points and respect from me by deciding to speak your mind like I always try to do (most ppl aren’t truthful and I find that to be one part that I dislike if they can’t speak what they feel-politely of course : ) ]

/fair enough. The fact you might’ve thought rapmon to be namjoon’s nickname would likely make sense if he asked you about it. In the end, though, we didn’t prolong that subject as he continued on to enthuse about the cheap but good food which you affirmed back to him. Grinning he grows a bit in his insecure side which you nudge him awake by and he realizes he’s not just dragging you alone which he responds with a smile that he’d return to once you’ve finally affirmed we’d be going to rapmon. He grins before walking forward with more confidence in his step. Maybe it’s true he does well with reserved people but he still enjoys an appropriate amount of requited control since again, he always valued relationships that were collaborative rather than just a one way thing. But again, maybe that’s a positive for you since you felt you were being forward while, though he didn’t know the reason why you were doing the things you were, he enjoyed it. If he knew you thought he was beautiful, though, he’d thought you were lying considering he doesn’t fit the Korean ideal. He’d say you could though. Your nose was perfectly shaped and your eyes...wow, he tried not to look into them so much because of his fear he’d stare too long. But if he had to describe your eyes, they look both innocent but mysterious with how they enticed the viewer into a whole new world altogether. They were deep but sweet. Even your skin seemed squishy enough to pinch For him, who didn’t care too much about looks, though, he didn’t want to get pulled into them and everytime he smile-stared too long, he’d chuckle and shake his head mentally since beauty really doesn’t mean anything. I mean, he’s dated good looking guys as well and has faced the same pain as if he dated an average looking guy so what’s the real difference other than just eye candy? None really. But yeah, holding hands when we obviously haven’t dated or done much in romance doesn’t seem logical. Feeling a bit bad when he glanced at you and could see you were embarrassed, he had to glance a double-take when you affirmed the fact you want to do this but in a completely different way. Now it was his turn to blush, his ears turning pink again at the way you phrased it as he forces a chuckle, thinking you were just clumsy with your words before he blinks curious at what you said next. Well, considering you already made him curious as to how you understand, he chuckles lifting a brow/ oh really? What? /he smiles challengingly, not realizing what you’re about to tell him is less then funny. But yes, you’ve found the right way to do so even if it’s not in specific detail so you can go ahead./
...
/grinning, he nods/ aight suit- /but then he widens his eyes before chuckling and rubbing his nape as his ears turn pink/ eyy... /but he doesn’t say anything and nods/ ’ll be sure to introduce ya to im later! /he waves before bro-hugging the main chef and pointing in the direction of you/ yeah, he’s kinda shy so maybe later /he nods a bit more to the conversation before sliding back into the booth you picked with a grin on his face/ know what to pick?~

@☾ J-Hope (Could we stick to Seungri and Hoseok only until we know how they're going to end up please? After that I don't mind. Maybe Taehyung could make more of an appearance then?)
*Seungri didn't know Namjoon, he just figured Rapmon was one of Hoseok's friends that had a weird nickname. Everyone had that one friend with a weird nickname. Seungri perks up visibly when he hears that the food is cheap but good.*
Oooh sounds good. It looks like tonight is going to be an indulgent one then.
*Seungri sighs and playfully rolls his eyes.*
Of course I'm sure~.
*He gently nudges Hoseok as he says this, smiling softly. Why would he mind staying out late with Hoseok? Sure, he liked reading on his own at home, but he wasn't completely asocial; he liked having company and hanging out with friends, just on his own terms so he didn't get exhausted by socialising.*
Fair enough.
*Seungri chuckles at Hoseok's display, glad Hoseok seems a little happier than usual at least. Hoseok's outgoing, bold personality fit surprisingly well with his own more reserved, easy going nature; he could just go along with whatever Hoseok was going on about, and not have to worry about anything. Hoseok's boldness was enough for two, although Seungri jokingly worried if it was infectious. He wasn't usually this forward when pursuing someone he was interested in, after all.*
*Seungri walks with Hoseok and glances over at him. He is instantly mesmerised by the particular slant of Hoseok's jaw, the soft curve of his cheekbone, the particular shade of his lips. Hoseok really was beautiful, and all Seungri wanted to do was softly run a finger along them to check he was real, and not a figment of Seungri's imagination. He felt a warm lightness in his chest and tummy, and shot a glance at Hoseok's hand. He ached to reach out and hold it, just for some physical contact. Hoseok's touch made him feel normal, like he deserved to be touched and held like he wanted. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, pushing away the idea. Hoseok probably wouldn't appreciate it; they hadn't known each other very long, after all. But he wanted to so badly.*
*Seungri hears Hoseok's next words, and goes blotchy again, slightly stung by the affirmation that he's weird. He knows that, he doesn't need to be reminded. Hoseok is just teasing him though, there was no harm in it, surely.*
E-eh? Of course I know what I'm getting myself into, I-I-I've... Never mind, i-it doesn't matter. It doesn't bother me that you're depressed, it doesn't stop me wanting to spend time with you. I know what you dealing with this could mean for me spending time with you.
*He looks down at his feet. He wants to tell Hoseok that he's not alone out there so badly. He wants to tell Hoseok the truth, that's he depressed too and he's also struggling, after years of being the therapist without having access to one himself. He wants to tell Hoseok how he ended up like this, but he knows, deep down in his heart, that his story would scare off Hoseok at this point. He'd have to keep holding on a little longer.*
*Seungri perks up again when Hoseok tells him that they have arrived.*
Ah... no, it's fine. You go say hi, I'll find us a table. Too much socialising in one day isn't good for me, and well... it's you I came here to spend time with.
*Seungri goes and finds a table whilst Hoseok greets his friend. He sits and flicks through the menu whilst he awaits Hoseok's return.

@☾ Seungri [youre fine~ I’m glad you still wanna rp despite us both being busy anyways : P /takes candy, tests it then eats/ thank ye! ]

/he blinks when you think he’s referring to a person. He technically is but you shouldn’t be able to have known namjoon from school; just the food place down the street. So now he’s wondering if you know his friend or just had a slip of tongue/ eh?...y...eah! It is! Jus opened up last year but I go there all the time /nods avidly grinning/ cheap but delish~ /but at you quickly telling him it’s fine, he’s still a good guy and knows it’s possible you’re just trying to be polite. So he asks/ ya sure man? /with a doubtful chuckle and scratch of his cheek with one finger. But if he knew how set you were on having him at least as company, he’d ask the important question: why? It’s not like he’s special or anything. And a real relationship is hard for him as it is...so why...? Why out of all the community you’re pining for him? And why are you willing to go through ual frustration and possible rejection to solely get him? But sadly, he couldn’t ask these questions-not until he himself is aware of your real bigger goal towards him.../
Yep! I’m still a Hyung after all~ /he grins putting his hands on his waist confidently with a laugh. He’s aggressive yeah. But it’s the kind you’ve seen already; the kind who isn’t shy to talk or flirt with a stranger and the kind who can control a conversation without stuttering so much. Not legit aggressive and demanding. He’s his own kind of person and likes to do things he wants to do without being swayed-welp other than the career part...but that’s another story. The main point is he’s independent and a Hyung that can lead his dongsaengs to the point of awe. That’s exactly why tae and jeongukkie, the most rebellious and outlandish people in this community, follow him. Because they respect him and his decisions. And of course, this all happened before he broke down, causing taehyung, you, and another kid to see the fragile side of him he had tried to hide away with a great big shiny smile. Maybe you guys were fortunate to or not; only time will tell./
/widens eyes when you just yield to his suggestion as he grins lightly/ aight! Rapmon’s it is! /but as he leads you with a walk, his mind couldn’t help but keep repeating that phrase. “You’ve piqued my interest.” Even as he walked, he could feel his stomach lurch. The good way. It’s been so long since he’s been even flirted with. That idea made his ear tips turn a brighter shade. But unlike what you thought, more than bossy, he’s the type to be the leader and encourager as well as the person who’d go up to a random stranger and talk to them. So even now, he’s wondering if he should ask what he’s thinking/ ya know seungri-sshi. You’re weird. To wanna spend time with someone who’s depressed /chuckles shaking head/ ah, I jus hope ya know what you’re gettin yourself into man~ /he teases with a nudge to your arm. In the end, he couldn’t ask. But he knows eventually he will once he’s completely sure this isn’t all a coincidence. He hums as we walk to the place before grinning/ here we are... /with a hand showing the place/ tada! I also have a friend here if ya wanna meet ‘im /chuckles opening the door/

[I miss multi rps and the one I tried to start kinda ended so I’m open for it again? Wanna do a multi rp with hoseok’s friend, hoseok and seungri or did you wanna keep it between hoseok and seungri? : ) ]

@☾ J-Hope (Sorry this is so late, I had a load of assignments due the week just gone. *offers you candy as an apology*)
*Seungri thinks for a moment*
Rapmon...? No, I've never heard of him. Sorry. That sounds good, though.
Yeah, I do. *Seungri feels a pang of sadness when Hoseok says he won't keep Seungri too long.* No, no, it's fine. As I said, I'm free pretty much as long as you want to be, so if you want to stay out late, or go home super early, or whatever, it's fine with me.
*Seungri thinks to himself that if he was going to try to get down Hoseok pants, he wouldn't want it to be immediately, and then be done with Hoseok as if it was some kind of one night stand. No, he wanted to build up to it, to get close, to enjoy Hoseok's company rather than just mindlessly try to bone him as soon as possible. Seungri is used to playing the waiting game, he enjoys it in fact, since he likes to take things slower. He also wouldn't be bothered if Hoseok never wanted anything from him in that way at all. Not because he doesn't care about or like Hoseok, but because he's perfectly content with just enjoying his company. That's why he decided to take Hoseok out.*
*Seungri sees Hoseok being caught off gaurd and wonders if he said something he shouldn't have, but he brushes it off when Hoseok recovers. He didn't chastise Seungri, so Seungri figured everything was fine.*
Fair enough. Oh, really? *Seungri is genuinely surprised, since from how Taehyung acted he thought he was the older one, and because Hoseok had seemed so chilled out since he'd first started seeing him. He didn't seem like the bossy, demanding, or outright aggressive and dominant type. Maybe Hoseok would surprise him later. He noticed that Hoseok's chuckle sounded forced and wondered if he'd struck a nerve.*
Nope, I feel like doing something else today.*Seungri smiles.* It's fine, let's go to Rapmon's place. You've piqued my interest.

@☾ Seungri Oh! Well...at the top o’ my mind, jus some fast an easy Korean food place... /nods tapping his lip/ I got it! Ya ever heard o’ rapmon? /nods avidly his tongue salivating a bit/ it’s pretty new but me an the guy go way back, he makes good food fast. It’s real delish, ya should try it~ /he chuckles as he walks out only for you to add on that you’re free from now on, widening his eyes lightly/ oh! Woah~ talk bout lucky~ my work normally doesn’ end till 7 to 8 at night-an that’s if I’m lucky nough.../shrugs/ but I guess you have more free time right? /he hums knowing he himself after work would rather go spend time by himself/ don’t worry~ I won’t hold ya for too long /chuckles nudging you since he thinks he understands. Whether you’ll get into his pants really depends on what you wanted from him. He’s okay with one night stands himself but if you do that, it’s possible he won’t see you as anything more- unless you’re really good at using that event to make him want to see you as more. For the most part, not many are because one needs chemistry with him to be able to do so and that’s hard for his type since he doesn’t act like a lot of people. He doesn’t even fall in love like regular people either. Even his prior boyfriend couldn’t make him fall in love but only with time because chemistry or some kinda of relationship building is necessary for his Aquarius soul. Thinking we’re set and ready to go, taehyung still isn’t there yet since the appointment was supposed to end in an hour but we finished in 15 minutes instead. So! Fortunately, we can talk more. So! Fortunately, we can talk more. But he, too, was caught off guard at your words, even widening his eyes slightly. Wait...why’d you decide to waste your time with him? Did you have nothing to do? No no, course not. You’d probably want to read your books than talk to a patient. Then why...? Wait, could you be...? Ah he’ll give himself the benefit of the doubt though because he didn’t want to assume and embarrass himself/ nah, tae’s a good kid. Just over protective. But he’s got no control over me...cept for the makin me come here part /nods avidly, remembering how he could demand the younger if he wants to and tae would turn docile. It’s possible you haven’t realized that other than his mental health problem, he’s the more intimidating one. I mean, he doesn’t look like it though but it’s not good to judge a book by its cover. He forces a chuckle/ but really? Ya sure ya don’t wanna read those books o’ yours man?~ /chuckles teasingly before nodding/ if ya still wanna, though, I actually don’t know that many fancier places /chuckles rubbing his nape/ I know, weird since I’m a ceo an all but /shrugs smiling/ I actually prefer homey places stead o’ all those haughty taughty stuff. It’s a calmer feelin an it makes ya feel fluffy inside /nods smiling, hoping you could probably suggest the fancy dinner since he had no idea where we could go himself/

@☾ J-Hope *Seungri thinks for a moment when Hoseok asks him if he'd prefer to go to a proper restaurant, and decides to go with it.*
Sure, why not? Where were you thinking of?
*Seungri thinks again as he escorts Hoseok out of his office and locks it again.* Well, you were my last appointment for the day and I don't have any impending deadlines, so I'm free for pretty much as long as you want me to be. I don't open the book shop today either, so it's not like I have to rush to be anywhere.
*Seungri steels himself, hoping what he was about to say wouldn't be taken the wrong way or invite trouble. He wasn't trying to get down Hoseok's pants, not yet, not unless Hoseok made it obvious that was what he wanted, but he did want to spend more ti e with the other man.*
How about we enjoy a more leisurely evening today? Our little meeting at the coffee shop felt rather... rushed. How about we go somewhere a little fancier where we'll have more time to get to know each other? Unless your friend would object, of course...
*Seungri hadn't thought of that when he'd decided to ask the question. He trailed off, his hopefullness obviously dying out, and looked at Hoseok apprehensively. What would Taehyung think of him if he kept Hoseok out too late? Wouold Taehyun make Hoseok find another therapist, make him stop seeing Seungri? These fears raced through Seungri's mind, although he hid his anxiety well.*

@☾ Seungri /his eyes widened slightly at the fact that reading and not work itself stopped you from eating. But despite all his new promises he made to himself, there’s one fault he has and that’s his denseness situation-wise. If someone doesn’t outright flirt with him, he won’t understand it since he’s still a friendly guy foremost and thinks invites are just to progress a friendship. That’s why as he was smiling and looking out for you and you told him you didn’t eat while offering if he could join you, he said okay without batting an eyelash/ yeah sure! /he chuckles thinking about it/ maybe not coffee cause that’s probs not ‘nough for your hunger...mmm /taps lip/ oh! What bout a actual food place? /smiles getting up from his seat/ we can go after you’re done with work /he nods. But if you were to tell him why you were actually holding your stomach, he’d think that yes, you’re getting a bit too personal very fast but despite that, he’d want to help. It’s highly advisable, though, to wait until you and him get to know each other more to talk about your more personal stuff-just like he himself wasn’t comfortable enough to tell you his own personal stuff and just asked you his own question about depression/ what time you’ll be off gain, seungri-sshi? /smiles allowing you to him out/

@☾ J-Hope *Seungri smiles as he notices Hoseok becoing more hopeful. The other man's hopefulness brought him an inexplicable joy that no other patient's recovery ever had before. However, when Hoseok questions him, he looks confused for a moment, then realised his arms are crossed over his tummy like it hurts. He sighs a little.*
Oh... no, not yet. I should probably do that actually, I forgot to go get lunch earlier. I was reading and forgot how time flies. Would you like to come to the coffee shop with me again?
*Seungri wants to tell Hoseok the real reason his tummy still hurts that bad sometimes, but he's worried he'd scare and upset the other man by doing so. He refrains from doing so, and smiles hopefuly, hoping that Hoseok won't find him too forward.*

@☾ Seungri /maybe it was weird for you but yes, it helped since different people think differently and with him not wanting anymore false hope, this actually made and gave him more of a realistic hope than just saying things will somehow get better. When, for him, they still haven’t already. Now he knows what he’s gotta do; from now on, he’ll try his best to take as many flirtatious advances he gets despite still not being able to fall in love fast enough. And even if a relationship keeps failing, he won’t be afraid to try again because he knows somewhere there’ll be a person out there who’ll love him for him-his flaws and all. He just won’t keep his hopes up on any specific person. All throughout the talk, though, he had noticed how you held your tummy. Unfortunately, since he never knew your own personality, he’s assumed the cause to be through more realistic means. As he sets his notebook down with a/ yes sir! I’ll try my best an report back to ya next session! Hwightin! /he decides to address his own concern about you with a slight smile as he leaned slightly forward in his seat/ but what bout ya, seungri-sshi? Ya eat yet? You don’t look like ya have /smiles only trying to help/

@☾ J-Hope *Seungri blinks and looks surprised.*
That helped...?
*Seungri crossed his arms over his stomach as he listens to Hoseok's next question, as phantom pain ripped through his mid-section reminding him of things he'd rather forget.*
Keep a journal since it's bad to keep everything pent up, try to enjoy the little things in life even if it's just buying your favourite unhealthy snack and not worrying about it, and give it time. I know time can't heal all wounds but it can at least dull the pain.

@☾ Seungri /at your first suggestion, he nods lightly. He actually really /did/ wanna hear that airy-dairy explanation you had. Or he thought he did until your words that were more practical caught his attention. Maybe because he's not smart enough or something, but the topics you were trying to explain appeared so hard to grasp. But once he did grasp those ideas by mulling it over in his mind since luckily you weren't talking too fast, he found how those three ideas impacted him. So killing yourself is hard, humans as well as others have this innate ability to survive and recovery takes a while right? At least that's what he grasped after thinking about it more. So what? The reason he should keep living was the fact that he as a human wants to? He didn't know how well those words helped though he did agree you have a point there but that still didn't give a complete resoluting conclusion. But your next sentence made his eyes widen. You finally explained it all as well as why he should keep living; it's because with his effort, things will get better- not just some magical miracle but just by him himself, even referencing the fact a human mentality would at least get better in its strengthening of not wanna die and fear of actual death actions. Chuckles forcefully while rubbing his nape slightly embarrassed but mostly relieved he's on some kinda track already-even if the way he got there could be questionable/...heh thanks...never thought it like that /smiles slightly before turning to you/ but it's kay, 'wasn't too dark /So if he tries hard through all this, he can feel healthy again...he thinks looking at the ground/ actually, it really helped so thanks... /says softly before blinking at the support system question but deciding to answer/ yeah, yeah... /he thinks to himself/ mm he's a good guy an i can rely on im forever if I wanted to but... /purses lips/ I don't like that feelin o' not being able to take care 'self an he's also got his own to worry bout too... /thinks about it before chuckling and shaking his head/ yeah...I dun wanna... /turns to you with a smile/ is there a way I don't /have/ to depend too much on others an can somehow heal? /asks looking at you with almost a newfound strength now he knew the only way to feel better is to /make/ that change himself. It was weird. He might seem like a hopeful man who believes in miracles, but he also liked the practical side and tended to lean towards the idealistic with realistic explanations side. And especially since he lost a lot of his idealism, he was /looking/ for something like your explanation that could make sense to a hopeless person/

@☾ J-Hope *Seungri nods*
It's fine if there's things you don't want to talk about. We'll deal with what we can.
*Seungri listens to Hoseok's question, and thinks for a moment, forming an answer.*
Why should we live? I'm going to be honest with you. There's an airy-fairy answer, and a practical answer. The airy-fairy answer is that maybe one day things will just magically improve regardless of what happens to us, and that everything will just somehow be OK, and that we should keep living just in case things improve by chance.
*Seungri sighs a little.*
The practical answer is a combination of things, and an answer that a lot of people don't like to accept. The first part is that dying is hard and unpleasant. The human instinct to live is so strong that the sheer willpower required to kill yourself makes the whole experience extremely unpleasant. The actual act of dying is pretty unpleasant feeling too, physically so. Unless you go in your sleep, you're aware of every little thing that's happening to you. You also tend to appear quite... physically undignified, shall we say... once someone finds you after the... event.The second part is again, human instinct. We're hard-wired to continue living, to want to live. Generally, it's not a good idea to go against your instincts since they keep you safe, that's what they're designed for. Living is part of the human condition, it's what we're designed to do. The third part is that things can change in almost every circumstance, but it takes a lot of work. These feelings you're having can be dealt with, but it requires effort, constant reminders to yourself to not give in to them, to learn and recognise certain thought patterns and behaviours that you have to avoid at all cost. When people realise the amount of work it takes to heal after trauma or from suicidal feelings, a lot give up before they've even started because the road to recovery just seems so long and arduous, but if you don't give up and you push through the pain, you get to reap the rewards.
*Seungri shuffles some papers and peers at Hoseok, checking he hasn't traumatised him.*
That got kind of dark and heavy, but I don't know how else to explain it to you. One day things will be good again, but you'll have to work to make that day come. Which is what you're doing by being here, so you're doing good already. Seeking help is the first step.
*Seungri thinks for a moment*
Hmm... Let's talk about your support network then. A support network is invaluable when you're feeling low. I know you have your friend who accompanies you here, but how much can you rely on him, how much is he available to support you? Even one solid friendship that you can lean on is a valuable asset.

@☾ Seungri [woah really?! Then you're so good! /thumbs you up/ : D sorry for taking a bit tho! I wanted to post this yesterday but I got tired then passed out then got busy until now : ) ]

/since he wasn't reading or staring at the book to marvel at it but more to wonder why a therapist would give him a free book, he didn't pick up on your own curiousity, just nodding a/ yeah... /before his lips shaped into an "o"/ 'that actually makes sense... /chuckles nodding smiling lightly/ well /shrugs smiling towards you/ ya definitely act like a expert in what ya do when it's jus us two /nods before you returned back to the blushing, smiling lightly because he didn't expect it. Ah. There's the less confident self of you again./ yeah for sure! Still figuring out if it's better than bein strangers though... /chuckles commenting. But at your words asking him to talk about what could've caused it, he stiffens even giving you a stiff smile before forcing a chuckle/ 'rather not tell actually... /chuckles forcefully before he tries changing the topic while turning to you/ can we talk bout somethin else? /suggests with widened eyes/ oh! Like why should I live? /nods avidly, not wanting to say such a "shameful" thing as the cause of his sadness. If you knew why, you'd judge his as desperate when really he wasn't. For him, it's just every relationship he has, has left him with little to no hope in any kind of possible positive change/ do ya have any answer to that? /smiles/

@☾ J-Hope (I don't have a clue how they go, I'm just trying to make something that kinda makes sense. XD)

*Seungri listens intently. He makes some notes. He watches as Hoseok investigates the book. He is surprised to see Hoseok show such an interest. It's just a notebook after all. Seungri catches himself. People probably think it's weird that he can just sit and state at a book, not reading it, but just marvelling at the beauty of the way the words arrange themselves on the page. He thinks to himself that he shouldn't find it strange, maybe Hoseok has never kept anything like a journal before. He hears Hoseok's words, and frowns a little, making a puzzled expression.*
Do I? Hmmm. How odd. Maybe it's because I don't like those group sessions and just want them to be done with. Too many people, too much to keep track of. They make my head spin. But, they help the patients who prefer them, so I still run them. Maybe that's it, I can think clearly about the task at hand when I talk to you alone.
*Seungri suddenly stops himself, embarrassed, a trademark ugly blush turning his face blotchy.*
Anyway... I'm just glad you're here, it means you can at least get a little help. It's nice to see a familiar face too.
*Seungri is embarrassed again, although his face doesn't give him away this time. What the hell was he rambling about?*
That's done. As long as we start somewhere. How about... At the beginning? What started this ordeal? What event or reason is causing you to feel these unpleasant feelings?

@☾ Seungri [No problem! Also, sorry, I was studying for finals so I couldn't reply quickly enough to do seungri's special day /nods/ Is it possible I can do it? If not, I'll try my best next time! : ) /thumbs you up/
But woah...ur good! I thought you said you didn't know how therapy sessions went? : P ]

Oh okay /he smiles. Despite his lack of words, you definitely relaxed him more by telling him he didn't have to do anything or say anything he didn't want. He had no idea how these therapist sessions would be going so it really did help his own nervousness. Then he blinks before you hand him a book and he widens his eyes at the sudden gift like object before quickly reaching out to hold it to not seem rude, bowing lightly. You continue talking and describing the procedure to him and he would've listened better but you had distracted him. He couldn't help but stare. You look...so different to him. It was like he was talking to a whole new person. He forced a chuckle when you were done/ wow, seungri-sshi. Ya act so different compared to the last time we met... /he hums nodding as he thumbed the cover now not hesitant but actually shy as he bit his lower lip. He found intelligence attractive-maybe because he wasn't that smart. But your confidence also was pretty attractive, too. Those two things do wonders for a grown adult like him; you really did act like a whole new person to him in this state. To keep himself from staring, he cleared his throat/ ah anyways.../sits up with book setting on his lap/ guess the reason why I came here was cause when I told Tae bout your offer some weeks back, he told me to take it /chuckles/ it took wayy too long to actually book a appointment though...but! /shrugs smiling/ here I am. /widens eyes realizing he didn't say much/ Sorry... /chuckles rubbing nape/ I don't know where to start...heh

@☾ J-Hope (Cool. Thanks for letting me know.)

*Seungri sees Hoseok's hesitancy and confusion, and feels a pang in his chest. He remembers his own first few, nervewracking therapy sessions all too well, even though they were a long time ago. He tries to reassure Hoseok.*
Of course I know how this goes. I've been doing this for a while now, no need to worry. *He smiles.* We just sit here and talk about whatever you need to talk about, and see if there's anything we can do about the situation. If I can't help, I could probably point you in the direction of someone else who can. Another therapist, or doctor, or specialist of some sort. I try not to just offload patients though, it's a last resort of last resorts for me.
*Seungri gets a booklet out of his desk, which he gives to Hoseok.*
This is a booklet I put together. You don't have to use it if you don't want to. It's designed to help you gather your thoughts before each session so you can go in knowing what you want to deal with. Just jot down anything that's bothering you on a new page for each session, and bring it with you.
*He settles himself and gets out his own notebook and pen.*
So, what would you like to talk about first? We can take it at whatever pace you need, and please try not to worry about getting emotional. If it happens, it's no big deal. If something is too hard to talk about, we can always come back to it later when you're ready.

@☾ Seungri [oh really? /bows deeply/ thank you! I'll get your new response ready now! Sorry again XP here it is rewritten! ]

/don't worry, even if it was petty of you to treat the younger more coldly, taehyung didn't act like the better person at all either. As he smiles slightly while bowing, taehyung had stared at you with a slight judging look/
T: /all he does towards your own reluctant greeting of him was give you a curt nod, not taken by surprise as he turns back to hoseok with more lively eyes/ if anything happens, call me
/he smiles slightly when you come out, acting the part or how he used to be. When the younger made him remember that he had to communicate his worries to the younger, he didn't protest. It was apparent that taehyung didn't trust therapists for the kid's own reasons. Add that onto taehyung's coldness towards virtually every person he meets, it's probably making the younger even more on edge. He smiles to show the other it's fine/ don't worry, I'll be alright

/after the brief introduction, he smiles as we go back together only to blink at your words. What previous session? This is the first time you're playing therapist for him. Unless that group therapy was a session..? He chuckles rubbing his nape though he didn't sit down/ actually...had no idea that thing was a session. For me, it was jus doin it. /shrugs smiling/ even now I'm jus doin it... /he thinks as he glances at the exit before forcing a smile at you/ so m guessin ya know how this sposed to go? /smiles hesitantly because he wasn't sure what to expect/

[his name's hoseok Jung so! Now you know! : ) again, thanks for pardoning me. I'll delete our past replies so they won't interfere when we look back on our history : ) ]

@☾ J-Hope (It's fine, don't worry about it. I can forgive. I'll still rp. :) )

@☾ Seungri [wait, really? *_* my bad! /bows deepilly/ I misunderstood you this time. If you still have heart to forgive me, would you still be willing to do w/me?- I mean, if ur okay with it? : ) ]

@☾ J-Hope (He had the group therapy session, that's what I was refering to when Seungri mentioned their last session.)

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@☾ J-Hope *Seungri appeared from his office after the receptionist notified him that Hoseok and Taehyung had arrived. He greeted them, Hoseok more warmly that Taehyung. It was petty and he knew it, but he had a spiteful streak that he enjoyed indulging every so often.*

"Ahh, Hoseok (don't know his last name, sorry). I'm glad to see you here. If you would please enter my office?"
*They entered his office*
"So, Hoseok, how are you doing? Are things getting better, or at least not getting worse, or do you feel worse than our previous session?"

@☾ Seungri /well you're right about at least one thing. It was definitely blackmail and if a normal person looked at it, just like you did, they'd be alarmed. But hoseok and taehyung aren't normal. More on that later/
/It was almost fall when hoseok could actually schedule an appointment ergo just a couple of weeks since our first meeting. Apparently, there was some weird correlation between booked appointments and school. Go figure. He walks out of his room and sighs at the younger on the couch who, without looking up from the laptop, addressed him with a "ready?" Pushing down the dread in his stomach, he gives a slight nod, tugging at his thin but light enough sweater to be considered for the before-fall era before walking towards his car with tae driving him/

/the drive was quiet with him just sitting there until tae led him out and signed him into the office building. Tae shook his head when the receptionist asked some questions related to being a regular and then they sat there waiting for him to be called, tae trying to show him stuff on his phone to pump him up more and he sadly looking at the memes with a slight smile, acknowledging they were funny but maybe he wasn't in the mood? Yeah, maybe.../

@☾ J-Hope *Seungri has left the cafe and is beginning the journey home, lost in his thoughts. He overhears Taehyung's exchange with Hoseok and recognises the paper as one of the one-on-one forms for his clinic. He stops for a moment, tempted to interrupt them, but instead occupies a nearby bench. Cogs whir in his mind? Taehyung would tell him what? What was he holding over Hoseok. Seungri began to suspect that his initial suspicions surrounding Taehyung's intentions were correct after all. White hot fury bubbled in Seungri's chest. Hoseok would thank Taehyung for what? For blackmailing him? Trying to emotionally manipulate him? Seungri resolved to ask Hoseok about it next session, then continued home*