⁝ go estate.

@✿ go mina [ Early August 1869 ]

As Riah stepped out of her palanquin and onto the grounds of the Go estate in Hanseong, she felt a sense of familiarity despite it being her first visit. The grandeur of the estate and the opulence of its surroundings failed to instill any nervousness in her; after all, she was accustomed to visiting her friends in similar settings.
Today held a special promise, as Riah arranged to meet with a friend she had made during her frequent visits to the teahouse for lessons— Go Mina from the House of the Cosmos. Riah's involvement with the teahouse lessons often led her to spearhead various activities, and it was through this shared interest that she had connected with Mina.

Despite her little sister figure's association with the Gos, Riah realized she knew relatively little about the house itself. However, her curiosity was piqued, and she looked forward to learning more about Mina's family and their estate during her visit. As she made her way towards the entrance, she couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation for the meeting ahead, eager to deepen her friendship with Mina

Taking a moment to appreciate the verdant surroundings and the serene charm that enveloped the Go estate, Riah couldn't help but feel a sense of tranquility wash over her. The meticulously manicured gardens and the peaceful atmosphere seemed to welcome her with open arms, adding to the allure of the estate.
With a smile gracing her lips, Riah reached for the silk wrapping of the box of Dasik sweets she had acquired on her way to the Go estate. She firmly believed in the tradition of never visiting a friend's house empty-handed.

As Riah made her way towards the entrance of the estate, the chiffon of her light green hanbok swayed gracefully with each step, adding to her elegant presence. She approached one of the ladies in waiting and announced herself, who greeted her warmly and conveyed her message, waiting patiently until Mina would receive her.

The Seol countess, always eager to forge new bonds and connections within the social sphere of Hanseong, contemplated the potential she saw in the Gos' precious daughter. She envisioned the possibility of taking Mina under her wing, introducing her to Riah's illustrious list of bachelors that she had compiled. However, she also acknowledged that if Mina already held the fancy of a suitor, she would do her best to offer advice and support in matters of the heart.

A smile graced the countess's face as she caught sight of Go Mina making her way towards where Riah stood. The familiarity of their meeting brought a sense of warmth to her heart, and she eagerly anticipated the conversations and connections that would unfold during Riah's visit to the estate.

“It is so nice to see you again Mina.” She beams, raising the silk bag she was holding.

“I brought some Dasik to go with tea.”

@✿ go yeorin [h] “what do you want me to say? that i’ve been getting close to other men because i’m still in love with you? that i want you to look at me, to see me like you did whenever we were alone?”

yes and yes.

that was all minhwan could say in his head as he heard these questions. he wanted to know that yeorin loved him. not yeonghan or some other nobleman, someone much more deserving of her affections than him. back then it was the king who owned the position of being her beloved, despite never understanding her body, mind, and soul like minhwan did. the king could have any and every woman he wanted, tossing them out after a singular night and collecting joseon’s great beauties as if it was a toy collection, but never needing to care about the prestigious marquess go’s daughter. yet, the young official could not even have her heart. everything that they did would have to be done in the shadows, but nothing has changed since then. despite his proud position of being the heir to the seol household, a senior official, and the grandson to the nation’s chief state councillor, he was no tiger. he was a cowardly rat, creeping and sneaking to see his former lover.

despite his harsh self reflection, he was deep in thought and desire of knowing that she wanted him, not realizing the steps she forced him to take, slow and unsteady. gone was the need to dominate the conversation and to yell his frustrations at her. how could he from the sight of her tears welling, bringing him back to times that he would spend holding her in his arms and kissing the top of her head, easing her of her worries as he whispered how he would always protect her once she was in the palace. however, he reminded now that he was the same person that was the cause of this pain.

he had no right to barge back in life. she begged him for him to stay and ruined that one chance they had. his head hung low, unable now to meet his eyes with hers. his lips pursed tight. his body nearly gone limp as he accepted each weak hit that somehow pained him more than the lashes his grandfather used to give him.

his grandfather, the same man that stood between them. there would always be someone in the way. unlike the others, the duke was more dangerous than the rest. he was willing to do the unthinkable, something minhwan could not ever live with.

chewing on the inside of his cheek, he closed his eyes as he tried to remember the reasons why he left yeorin all those years ago. on lonely nights, it barely soothed him, but now in front of her, nothing seemed to work. the frustration was clear on his face, but it was all too clear as he released years of lies, “it’s not that easy! i wish it was, but it never has been between us. if it was, we would not be here like this. do you think i wanted to leave you that day? when you begged me to stay, i was ready to say no because i wanted us to runaway together. i was so close to grab your hand and run so we could jump on the next ship. for once i didn’t have a plan, but to keep as far away from the king and our families. if we were caught, i would had done my all to make sure you never came back here. i would had sacrificed my life for you!”

he hit his chest hard at his confession, something he had never revealed to anyone else until now. his voice was shaky, taking his broken heart back to that night when he left her, trying his best not to sob just like then, “i couldn’t take you away though. you deserved better than living a life on a run with someone as worthless as me. you deserved to be safe and cared for. you deserved someone more than me, someone like the king. the same ruler that i was raised to put on a pedestal, serve for the rest of my life, but you don't know how much i loathed him. he could had taken my title, my status, the same my grandfather fought like hell for. instead, he had to take the one person that i treasured, you.”

in that same moment, it was not only sadness that plagued him, but a familiar sense of rage from all those years ago. he shook his head in pure disbelief. all he could was bitterly laugh that had him running his fingers through his hair, “and to think that he died right after i left. we fought and struggled for nothing. if only we waited and met after that, we wouldn’t be in this situation. yet, here we are again. once again, i will never have you. you tell me that you love me, but i can never be yours because there will always be someone else. i hope unlike the king, he loves you. he has no one else in his heart, just you. i hope he loves you more than i do.”

it felt as if in that moment, a million hands clasped around his wrist, trying their best to drag his arm down as he reached for yeorin’s hand. his breath was unsteady, it was hard to breathe as he finally had her hand rest on top of his heart that raced from her touch, “i still love you. there, are you happy? i love you so damn much, but i cannot do anything about it. i love you, but i cannot be with you."

@❃ choi saeyoung "Outside the gate at this hour? Why?" Confusion and worry painted her features, and she regarded her older brother with wide, doe-like eyes. The moonlight bestowed upon her an aura of innocence, making her appear even younger than her actual age. In the midst of rampant rumors about the plague and the Queen's proclamation of a curfew, even a lady-in-waiting like herself knew better than to dismiss such warnings.

Her gaze swiftly noticed the planks of wood by his feet, twinkling with added confusion under the moon's gentle glow. What could her older brother possibly be planning with all this wood? Saeyoung was a skilled deceiver, a fact well-known to the Chois. Since childhood, the eldest son had delighted in assuming different roles and staging theatrical performances for the family. His talent extended to the art of effective lying, particularly to the average person. However, not to his little sister. Saemi knew him too well, and while he sometimes managed to slip through the cracks, this was not one of those times.

Saemi remained steadfast in her spot, her feet firmly grounded as her brother attempted to persuade her to return inside. "Are you genuinely claiming it was accidental, orabeoni?" Arms crossed, she shot him an unamused look, silently conveying that he would not escape this lie unscathed. "Are you building something? Can it not wait until morning when it is safer?" She could not fathom what he might be building at this late hour. She was certain the Gos had not assigned them such a task, and neither had their parents. Saemi was utterly perplexed.

"Please, orabeoni, it's dangerous. Come back home with me."

@✿ go yeorin clenching his jaw the moment she pushed his hand away from her, minhwan could only now think more about that man he spotted that afternoon. while it was only in passing, just that quick glimpse of that side profile had the official feeling confident that he could find that other man if given the chance. this individual had large dark eyes, darker than most, but somehow they had a certain clarity to them. was this something that attracted the young lady of the go household? compared to him, the man’s skin was fair, a shade that resembled the cosmos in one his favorite routes back to his family’s estate in gangneung. maybe she wanted to find someone that was the complete opposite of him. one that brought out a smile from her, rather than the tears that he constantly put her through during their two years together.

“last i remember, you told me that you didn’t love me so why the hell does it matter to you?”

he closed his eyes, wincing at that. in that split second, it took him back to that day he departed for qing. it was supposed to be an easy way for him to runaway from his problems, hopefully forget about yeorin. if not, he would had to have dealt with the constant worrying of running into her at the palace, seeing her as one the king’s women. it would had been easier to run than to face that nightmare, but that morning she pleaded for him not to leave. she did not realize how close she was to convincing him to abandon his plans and run away with her.

those words he said mattered. that was why he had to tell her how much he hated her, how foolish she was, how she was only a plaything to him. his last memory he had given her before he disappeared for months on end, nearly unreachable.

“perhaps the men is end time with are my lovers, perhaps they’re paid escorts. either way, at least they won’t abandon me like you did.”

the back of neck was tight, sending a sharp pain up to his temples. his heart pounded harder than it should had, short fast beats. his rational side told him that maybe she was better off without him, someone that could stick by her side. this thought did not ease him, rather making him more desperate than before.

minhwan could not let her go tonight. instead, he closed the gap once again. noticing earlier how she could not even look at him, he tucked his index finger underneath her chin, holding her head up so he could finally meet his eyes with hers, “how can you tell me this when you cannot even look at me? i don’t get why you’re acting like you moved on. i can see past all of that. i won’t believe you until you cut the crap and talk me this to me straight. why can’t you?”

his face was not too far from hers. her words were cold, but with that close distance he tried to read her eyes. was there something else hidden there, a secret message that could finally give him the answer that he wanted. at this point, he was an open book. his own gaze was more of a glare, unable to hide his anger that had been building up from that night, only worsening with each passing second with yeorin.

unlike his usual self, he could not decipher and analyze her words properly, understand they were all out of anger. rather, he could only spitfire the same poison back, “you’re engaged, but i know what you’ve been doing. why is it that when i’m around, you have to be around other men? touch their shoulder? laugh at their jokes more than usual? compliment them? you don’t do this around yeonghan, but you do this to me!” at the end of his sentence he let go of her, only to jam his index finger into his chest. he did not care now who was outside at this point, raising his voice, “me! why do you do this to me of all people? if you don’t hate me, stop trying to rile me up. i hate it.”

throwing his hands out, minhwan yelled out his frustration, but that did nothing for him. he kicked the floor too, but he found no comfort in that too. his breaths were short and fast, just like the pacing he started in her room. somehow, he was able to say something, rambling more like it, “i hate that i have to come here like this because you won’t give me the time of the day. i have to behave like some kind of criminal or beast because of you. no one else does to me, but you. back then and now, it’s still the same. you mess with my head, but won’t give me any relief. just tell me what you want to say, get everything out of the way between us finally.”

@❃ choi saeyoung In the dimly lit room, Saemi's futon lay neatly arranged, the soft glow of a solitary lantern casting a warm embrace upon the modest space she called her own. The walls, adorned with simple yet elegant tapestries, whispered tales of gratitude, each thread a silent expression of appreciation for the Go family who had generously given her shelter after the tragic fire that claimed her family's belongings.

The futon, though not luxurious, cradled her form in a comforting embrace. However, the battle against insomnia waged on, and Saemi found herself tossing and turning, the moon's silver tendrils sneaking through the window to illuminate her restless form. Her room, though not expansive, radiated a sense of belonging—a sanctuary for a cheonmin lady-in-waiting living under the Go estate's benevolent roof.

The persistent unrest led Saemi to surrender to the night's call, deciding to take a quiet stroll in the estate's courtyard. She deftly adorned an outer jeogori, a protective layer against the night's cool embrace. The queen's warning and the looming threat of the plague had unsettled her, and the stillness of the night provided a temporary escape from the ceaseless worries.

Swiftly moving through the estate, Saemi found solace in the moonlit courtyard, its beauty enhanced by carefully tended flora and the gentle rustling of leaves. The fragrance of blossoms lingered in the air, a testament to the care bestowed upon this tranquil haven. The courtyard, under the watchful gaze of the moon, became a refuge for Saemi, a space where she could unravel the threads of anxiety that bound her.

However, her moment of solitude was disrupted by a familiar figure in the distance—her brother, Saeyoung, on the verge of departing. Panic surged through her veins, compelling her to sprint towards him. The door creaked open as Saeyoung closed it behind him, and Saemi's fingertips grazed his sleeve as she clung to him, halting his mysterious venture outside of the safety of their home.

"Orabeoni, where are you going so late at night?" she inquired, the moonlight casting shadows over her concerned expression.

@✿ go youngjae In the hushed aftermath of the forbidden kiss, Saemi's heart raced, her chest constricted with a maelstrom of emotions. Youngjae finally pulled away, his hazed and intoxicated gaze locking onto her as if trying to make sense of the gravity of his actions. His breath was uneven, and his eyes, veiled with a shroud of confusion and guilt, pierced her very soul. The image of that fleeting kiss lingered, etched in her memory, an experience she had longed for, yet now dreaded.

She hoped that he would not remember this stolen moment, for the sake of both their futures. The boundaries between them were insurmountable, their roles rigidly defined by their station. Her heart yearned for him, but she knew the futility of such desires. Youngjae, the lord she had admired since she was a child, would never return her love.

When he whispered those words, her heart echoed his sentiment. The weight of unspoken truths hung heavily between them. She agreed with his confession but felt the sting of realization that their paths could never converge, and love was an impossibility. It was a bitter truth she had always known but now had to face.

Youngjae stumbled away, his steps unsteady, leaving Saemi with a heart that was breaking in silence. Each time he nearly tripped, her body flinched, her instinct urging her to reach out and protect him, even though she knew the boundaries of their roles could not be breached any further.

The revelation that the poet she had fallen in love with was the same man she had yearned for since childhood shattered her heart. It was a cruel twist of fate, a silent tragedy that left her mourning for a love that could never be. Her first and last kiss with him would forever remain hidden within the recesses of her memories, buried beneath the weight of her unfulfilled desires.

But Saemi was determined to protect her heart, to lock away those emotions that could only bring her pain. She would serve her lady, her family, and the Go household with unwavering loyalty, while her own heart would remain a secret, hidden from the world, and from Youngjae.

@❃ choi saemi As Youngjae's hazy, intoxicated mind slowly registered the events that had unfolded, he blinked in a daze. The alcohol coursing through his veins had fogged his thoughts and senses, masking the taste of her lips, the warmth of her body, and the perfume of her delicate presence. Having loss of control over his disoriented state of mind, he lightly stumbled and faltered, his awareness of the world around him slowly fading away.

His grip on Saemi, initially a source of comfort, loosened. The moonlight in the corridor now seemed cold from the gravity of his actions. Her trembling hands on his chest seemed to push him with her limited strength, yet he remained motionless, as if his feet were rooted to the ground. With a trembling voice, she uttered an incomplete plea, to which he could not respond.

A swirl of emotions overwhelmed him as he took in Saemi's flushed cheeks and her trembling form. Youngjae felt like the world's greatest fool, having realized the unfair position he had put her in. He didn't deserve her kindness or comfort, and he certainly didn't deserve the loyalty she had shown to his family all these years.

While it is difficult to say whether the alcohol was to blame or whether it was the broken pieces of his childhood trauma, it was clear that Youngjae had lost control of himself and his inability to cope with the overwhelming feelings that had resurfaced. But he could not move from the shadows that engulfed them in that corridor. He could not muster the courage to face her, choosing instead to remain in the comforting darkness of her embrace as his head found support on her shoulder and his trembling arms held her close as if for the last time.

"Please forgive me, Saemi," he whispered, his voice heavy with remorse.

Shame and regret washed over him as Youngjae pulled himself away. His eyes sought hers in the pale moonlight as he stepped back to try and uncross a line that should never have been crossed. Her eyes told him a story that he couldn't quite put together and he opened his mouth to speak, but the words never came. The silence between them was heavy, the air filled with a mix of emotions. He wanted to apologize, to take back what he had done, but he knew that it was impossible. His head was throbbing with the aftereffects of the alcohol, but it was his heart that ached the most.

Inebriated, Youngjae moved slowly, his feet almost dragging with every step backwards, oblivious to his surroundings. "I should have never done that..." He muttered to himself, his heart heavy with regret.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but the alcohol made him dizzy as he stumbled. He managed to get his footing again, holding onto the wall beside him to stabilize himself. Her gaze seemed to penetrate his very soul, as if she was searching for something he could not give her.

With a heavy heart, Youngjae turned away, leaving Saemi standing alone in the corridor. He stumbled as he walked with the alcohol still affecting his balance, but he was determined to put distance between them. It was the coward in him that told him it was easier to distance himself from everyone he cared about than to have them abandon him. As the distance between them grew, he felt his heart sink into an abyss of despair as he left the one person who had provided him comfort in his darkest hour.

@✿ go youngjae Saemi stood as still as a statue in the moonlit corridor, enveloped in Youngjae's drunken, but oddly safe, embrace. Conflicting emotions swirled within her, a tempest that raged in her heart. Youngjae, the person she had yearned for since her family had been accepted into the care of the Go's over two decades ago. He was more than just her lady's older brother; he was a figure she had admired from afar, his presence a distant, unreachable beacon of light.

But she knew, oh how she knew, the boundaries that society had imposed on them. A lady-in-waiting and a yangban lord could never share anything beyond the bounds of propriety. She was well aware that Youngjae was not in his right state of mind, that this moment was a lapse in his usual composure. It was a self-indulgent fantasy she had never dared to dream.

Yet, the small, selfish part of her melted into his arms. The walls of the estate seemed to close in around them, leaving her with no escape. His touch, his fingers on her waist, and then her cheek sent shivers cascading through her body. One hand trembled and instinctively curled around her chima, while the other clutched onto the side of his jeogori, seeking an anchor amidst the whirlwind of emotions.

Then, in the midst of her internal turmoil, it happened. His lips, a mere breath away from hers, pressed softly against . The world seemed to spin, and for that moment, Saemi forgot how to breathe. Was this a kiss? Is this what kissing felt like? Her heart raced, and in the midst of her confusion, she felt the undeniable warmth of his lips against hers. It was a gentle, fleeting peck, and though his actions were driven by intoxication, the kiss bore a fragile tenderness.

Time seemed to stretch as she remained in a daze, her senses overwhelmed. When she finally snapped out of her trance and pulled away, the hand that was tightly curled around the fabric of her chima reached up to his chest to softly pushed him away, and she realized that the breath she had held for what felt like an eternity escaped in a rush. "M-my lord, please…" she stammered, her voice trembling with a mixture of shock and apprehension. She wanted to say, "you can't do this," but the words remained trapped, for she was but a mere lady-in-waiting.

Her heart raced, her cheeks flushed, and Saemi was left grappling with the intensity of emotions that had been stirred by this fleeting, stolen and forbidden kiss in the moonlit corridor.

@❃ choi saemi He clung to her as if she was his only hope; a small burning fire that gave hope to a desperate man caught in a storm. Youngjae had always been guarded, his emotions hidden beneath layers of composure, but at this moment, those defenses had crumbled. His vulnerability was laid bare before her as the pain lingering in his heart for so long spilled out in whispered confessions. The walls had watched in silence for many years, but tonight, they didn't have to. She was there to give him the comfort he so dearly longed for.

It was as though he poured his very soul into her at that moment. He had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable, and yet Saemi's presence offered an unexpected comfort from the torment that haunted him. In this moonlit corridor, between the shadows of his past, she had become an anchor that kept him from being swept away by the waves of despair.

His heart ached, and the intoxicating effects of alcohol blurred the lines between reality. He stumbled, his heavy frame pressed against her until they stumbled against the wall. Trembling gasps were stolen by the gentle night breeze as the stillness was briefly broken by his labored breath. One hand instinctively wrapped around her waist to steady her as the other braced the wall behind her. He couldn't ignore the way his fingers trembled as he held her close.

The sudden awareness of her delicate fragrance, the sound of the wind, and the beating of his heart surrounded him. However, he felt oddly disconnected from it all because in that moment all he could focus on was her. The moonlight filtered through the parchment screen as she seemed so fragile in his arms. Even in his drunken state, he wanted to stay there and forget the world beyond the walls.

Youngjae's gaze, clouded by alcohol and emotions, locked onto Saemi's eyes. She radiated like moonlight silk, effortlessly ethereal. It was a gentle contrast to his calloused hands, one that could not resist the temptations to gently feel the softness of her skin as his fingertips grazed her cheek, barely touching her as if the moment of contact would shatter the illusion of her being there. He was painfully aware of the tension that lingered in the air but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. He leaned in closer, his breath fluttering across her skin as he closed his eyes.

With a tenderness born of his vulnerability, he leaned down, his lips brushed against hers. It was a gentle whisper of a kiss that lingered for a brief, stolen moment. As his wounded soul sought her warmth, it was a fragile connection, one that will be forgotten by him once the moonlight has passed.

@✿ go youngjae In the hush of the moonlit corridor, Saemi found herself caught in the whirlwind of emotions that swirled around Youngjae. His pain, raw and unguarded, had pierced the walls she had so meticulously built around her heart. She had never anticipated this moment, never thought she’d see him like this, vulnerable and in need of solace. Yet, in the intimate embrace they shared, propriety seemed a distant concern.

With Youngjae resting his head against her, Saemi felt a profound mixture of emotions. Relief welled up within her that she could offer him even a fleeting respite from his torment. At the same time, a shiver of guilt coursed through her. She knew society’s rigid boundaries all too well, and she didn’t want to create discomfort for him, nor herself. But the warmth of his body against hers was a powerful contrast to the frigid night, echoing the isolation that had shadowed his life.

His whispered words, laden with sorrow, reached her ears like a haunting melody. She listened intently, her own heart aching for him. His words flowed like verses from poetry, eerily similar to a poet that she adored and had continuously followed with each new poem that was released under the name of Somang. In that moment, Saemi felt an indescribable connection, as if she was the keeper of his deepest secrets. She stiffened in his hold, warning bells going off in her brain as the scent of alcohol that lingered around him paled in comparison to the intoxicating mixture of vulnerability and longing that hung in the air..

Her emotions were a tempest within her, a storm of complicated feelings that churned like the tumultuous sea. But she could not reveal her distress, not now. In this vulnerable moment when Youngjae sought comfort, she could not burden him with her own complicated emotions. So, she pushed down those turbulent feelings, locking them away in the recesses of her heart, to be dealt with at a more suitable time. For now, as they stood in the moonlight, she would be his refuge, a gentle presence to chase away the shadows of his past.

Just this once. She allowed herself only one time.

“I will not leave, my lord. My duty to Hyunjoo still stands.”

Saemi could not bear to say that she would not leave him.

[post deleted by owner]

@❃ choi saemi In Youngjae's heart, the pain from his past was a relentless storm. Rarely had he given anyone the chance to see this side of him, the side that was burdened by his past. In the midst of his misery, Saemi's gentle gaze had brought some comfort to him by drawing him into her presence as he dealt with the scars he had endured. Her support seemed to be the only thing that held him together as he leaned on her.

It was impossible for him not to feel both relief and shame at the same time. He felt relief at lowering the walls of his heart for a moment. However, he felt shame that he had caused trouble for her in his drunken stupor. Knowing society's boundaries, he didn't want to place her in an uncomfortable situation. Yet, he could feel the warmth of her body against his, a stark contrast to the coldness of the night that seemed to mirror the coldness he had suffered throughout his lonely life. It seems that all those barriers faded away in that moonlit corridor.

His attention was drawn to the soft words she spoke as the way she addressed him as "my Lord" felt different. He closed his eyes for a moment as the warmth of her body against his was strangely comforting. Youngjae's breath, heavy with the scent of alcohol, mingled with hers, and for a fleeting moment the world seemed to disappear.

He allowed himself to rest his head against her petite frame, finding a momentary escape from the weight of his grief. He wished he had known this warmth and kindness sooner. If he had, perhaps he could have been spared the loneliness of his past. However, he was not lucky. The poetry he wrote was what kept him sane for many years. It was the only true confidant that kept him company on the loneliest of nights and it was only through the pen name "Somang" that he was connected to the world and his dreams.

"A sorrow has haunted me for years." Although his voice was slurred by alcohol, he was filled with a deep sense of longing while he spoke in confession. "They haunt me," he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath, "and the only way I can drown them out is with this cursed wine." His words were like verses from his poetry, a rare glimpse into the depths of his soul that he had never shared with anyone before.

He closed his eyes, his heartache etched on his face. In that moment, he felt like a lost soul seeking refuge in the one person who showed him kindness and understanding. Her scent, her softness, and the tenderness in her eyes intoxicated him more than the strongest of wines ever could.

Youngjae's mind was still hazy and he did not know how to make sense of the emotions that swirled inside him. However, he sensed that this moment of comfort was fleeting and his drunken heart was desperate to hold onto it a little longer. "Saemi..." His voice was low and quiet. "I beg of you..." He ever so slightly tightened his grip on her, as if clinging to her for dear life. "Don't leave me."

@✿ go youngjae Saemi’s eyes widened, both from surprise and a rush of empathy. Despite the high walls she had built around her heart due to her own traumas, she could not deny the visceral reaction she felt towards Youngjae’s palpable pain. Even though they shared a relationship built around mutual respect—a lord and his younger sister’s lady-in-waiting—they had rarely interacted in such an intimate setting. But in that moonlit corridor, it was as if time and societal barriers faded away.

For a moment, she felt as if she was drowning in the depths of his pain-filled eyes, caught in the tempest of emotions raging within him. And while his scent of alcohol made her nose scrunch momentarily, it was the raw vulnerability in his gaze that she found most intoxicating.

The sudden weight of Youngjae leaning into her sent a jolt of surprise through Saemi. Her initial instinct was to stiffen, every fiber of her being sounding alarms of caution and propriety. She knew her place, and the boundaries that society demanded of them. Those boundaries were not only about rank but also about the unspoken feelings that had been simmering within her heart for him all these years.

A delicate dance of longing and restraint played out in her mind. As much as she wished to maintain her decorum and resist the pull she felt towards Youngjae, her heart cried out in empathy for his evident pain. It waged a battle against her better judgment, whispering words of consolation, urging her to comfort him in any way she could.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she shifted her stance slightly. With great care, she positioned herself in a way that allowed Youngjae to lean against her more comfortably. There was a slight awkwardness given their height difference, with her having to reach up and him bending down, but the assumption that the alcohol coursing through his veins made him oblivious to such minor inconveniences was there.

Their bodies molded together in what felt like an embrace, albeit one laden with sadness and understanding. The close proximity allowed her to feel the rise and fall of his chest, and the warmth emanating from him served as a stark contrast to the coldness of the night.

"My lord," she began, her voice barely more than a whisper, the delicate timbre of her voice betraying the waves of emotions she felt, "what has driven you to seek solace in the depths of multiple bottles? You're making it so much harder..."

The last part was murmured almost to herself, a quiet confession, her words carried away by the night's breeze, not meant for Youngjae's ears. But in that intimate embrace, amidst the walls that bore silent witness to their shared moment, Saemi hoped her unspoken feelings would bring Youngjae some semblance of comfort, even if it was just for the night.

@❃ choi saemi Youngjae stood in the dimly lit corridor, his world blurred by a drunken haze. Haunting memories always seemed to claw their way to the surface when he was at his weakest. The moon's glow filtered through the windows, casting eerie shadows that mocked him. Its quiet presence was a cruel reminder of the warmth he longed for as a child.

His gaze remained fixed on the floor, but when he heard the soft footsteps approaching, he lifted his head slightly. A figure emerged from the darkness, her gentle presence a stark contrast to the depressing atmosphere of the room. The scent of alcohol clung to him like a cloak, a hopeless attempt to drown the haunting ghosts of his past. His vision swayed, and for a moment, he couldn't distinguish her face clearly until the moonlight finally illuminated her features, revealing a familiar face that held the warmth of a thousand suns.

It was Saemi, his younger sister's lady-in-waiting, who had served her faithfully for many years. She was a familiar sight to Youngjae, but in that moment, her voice was filled with genuine concern that cut through the fog of his mind. His movements were slow and unsteady. He wished to answer her and release the heavy burden of his past. However, the words remained trapped within him.

"Am I alright?" He slurred, his words carried the bitterness of unspoken sorrow. "Do any of us truly know if we're alright?"

His words were stained with the ache of abandonment, an overwhelming fear of being left alone in a world that had been so cruel to him. He slumped against the wall again, seeking support in a place that often left him stranded.

As he struggled to maintain his composure, Youngjae looked at Saemi with a mixture of desperation and longing. His painful memories still haunted him, but for a brief moment, he found solace in her concern, even if it was just a fleeting moment in the midst of the night's shadows.

He mumbled something incoherent, a mixture of apologies and regrets, but the words fell from his lips like shards of glass. Although alcohol lingered around him, he wanted desperately to find someone who could rid him of the shadows of his childhood, which had taught him that walls divided people, even within the same family.

He swallowed hard, trying to steady himself and his eyes slowly focused on her. For a brief moment, he felt the darkness that had been pressing down on him start to recede. Youngjae stepped towards her, his movements hesitant as his gaze never left her face. He reached out, his hand trembling as he lightly brushed against her arm. In the storm of thoughts swirling through his head, her warmth wrapped around his fingertips like a lifeline.

"Saemi..." Youngjae called her softly. His voice was a whisper that hung heavily in the air, a plea for something he couldn't quite put into words.

He swayed slightly on his feet, struggling to maintain his composure, but his eyes were clouded and vulnerable. He was just a broken soul, seeking refuge from the chaos within him. He hesitated for a moment, torn between the solace that Saemi's presence offered. But the pain in his heart won over him and he found himself leaning on her for support. Slowly, he felt the tension slip away from his body in the wake of her warmth.

@✿ go youngjae The night was draped in a heavy cloak of stillness, broken only by the soft, melancholy chirping of crickets. Above, the luminous moon spread its silver light, seeping through the open windows of Saemi’s chamber, casting an ethereal glow upon the dark wooden floors and ornate walls.

As Saemi lay on her silken sheets, eyes wide and unblinking, the moonlight streamed in, glinting off her eyes as they fixed upon the celestial body. Its radiant face seemed to reach out, wrapping her in a gentle embrace, yet her mind was far from peaceful. She traced the patterns of the stars with her gaze, each twinkle in the sky reminding her of the infinite questions that plagued her.

Saemi was no stranger to these restless nights. They had become less frequent with time, yet they hadn't disappeared altogether. As a child of noble lineage, she had lost her family’s esteem and privilege to the flames that consumed her ancestral home. Adopted by the benevolent Go family, she was placed in a world that was simultaneously familiar and foreign. Standing by her lady's side, attending grand banquets, wearing fine garments, she played the part, but deep down she often wondered if she truly belonged.

Doubt clouded her mind like the thick mists that sometimes shrouded the estate at dawn. Do I even belong here? She wondered. Her devotion to the Go family was unwavering. She would lay down her life for them, for they had given her a second chance at life. Yet, despite their kindness, the demon of imposter syndrome lurked, its whispers cruel and persistent.

With a sigh, Saemi pushed off her blankets, the cool air caressing her skin as she rose. She needed to clear her head. Wearing a simple white hanbok, she ventured out of her room, the soft glow of lanterns lighting her way.

She had barely made it down the corridor when she spotted a figure leaning against the wall. Her lady’s older brother, the eldest Go of the siblings, his usually meticulous attire looking somewhat disheveled, his head bowed. Drawn to him, almost as if an invisible thread tugged at her heart, she approached him hesitantly.

"My lord, are you alright?" she questioned, unable to mask the concern evident in her voice. As she drew closer, the sharp scent of alcohol assailed her senses. His once bright eyes now looked clouded, lost.

Her fingers twitched, an instinctual desire to reach out and steady him, but she resisted, holding herself back. She knew her boundaries, the lines she shouldn't cross. She had no right.

@❃ choi saemi The cool breeze continued to swirl around Youngjae, making him shiver despite the alcohol coursing through his veins. He had spent the evening drowning his sorrows in bottles of wine, trying to escape the crushing weight of his own thoughts and an earlier clash with his insatiable father. The alcohol had blurred his senses, and now he staggered through the manor's entrance, his movements clumsy and uncoordinated.

Dry, crisp foliage fell in a delicate dance, piling up on the pathways and along the edges of the manor where the wind had carried them in waves. In the dim moonlight, the manor's intricate details were highlighted in a soft glow as long shadows of dark trees danced in the breeze, adding to the feeling of desolation.

His footsteps echoed through the grand foyer, a stark contrast to the hushed stillness that filled this place during his childhood. Coldness coursed through his body as he felt dread upon fragments of haunted memories; long nights spent alone as a child in this estate and the many years away from family, from the warmth of parental love. Though many years passed, he was unable to shake the feeling of abandonment he suffered: the emptiness of the halls, the emptiness in his heart, the sadness and resentment he had built up weren't far from his thoughts.

As Youngjae ventured further into the manor, his incoherent mutterings echoed off the walls. Memories of his youth came flooding back to him, a confusing jumble of joy and pain as his shoulders slumped in defeat, as if his fate had been sealed. His journey through the manor was a disjointed one, as he strayed from the grand foyer in an attempt to locate his chambers. The alcohol fogged his mind and distorted his perception of his surroundings. He muttered fragmented sentences, barely making sense even to himself, as he grappled with the emotions that had plagued him for so long.

The manor, with its oppressive silence and haunting memories, conspired against him, intensifying his despair. Youngjae was trapped in a labyrinth of his own making, his drunkenness a reflection of his chaotic emotions. He was determined to confront the ghosts of his past, no matter how incoherent and intoxicated he might be, hoping that somehow, in this lonely place, he would find the answers he sought and finally lay his demons to rest.

Yet it seems, no matter how much he tried, he could not escape the deep-rooted sadness ingrained in him since childhood. His mind was spinning as he leaned against the cold stone walls of the manor with his head spinning from the alcohol and the memories that had came flooding back to him.

He squinted into the darkness, searching for a glimmer of hope that perhaps something or someone would be there to guide him out of the darkness. He felt a sense of anticipation, a faint glimmer of optimism that, in the darkness, there could still be something to cling on to.